Lost, isolated, tired, and scared

[ChelsieG]

I've had depression since I was 12 years old. It wasn't bad until my grandpa died in 2009. In the last few months it's gone from bad to worse. My mother acts like I'm a pain in her side. I'm 28 and had to move in after my suicide attempts and dropping out of college. My brother, his wife, and their three kids moved in here too and I'm just a shadow now. I only get attention when I'm not cleaning or owe my mom money for something. I come home from my job and help with the kids, I make dinner when I get home early enough, and if I go in my room to relax, I'm yelled at. No one hugs me. No one has told me they love me in a very long time. All my friends have moved away and I have to force myself to keep driving whenever I cross the bridges to and from work. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to switch places with my grandpa. He could do so much more than me. I'm so afraid of dying alone and now I feel like no matter if I live or die, I'll always be alone. I'm worthless and pathetic. I wanted to be married and have a child by now. What is wrong with me? Why will no one talk to me?

[August1]

I can hear your voice through your words.. You deserve a great big hug everyday; you WILL get there. Your family is probably stressed as well, causing them to act different or short with you. Believe in yourself and love yourself no matter what. You'll find new friends. If you give up, you'll never know what reaching your dreams will feel like. Nobody wants that. You got this, Chelsie! I'm sure your grandpa loved you very much and wants you to keep your head up. You are loved!