Sinking and Scared

This is not about pitty!!! I don't know im struggling to the point in feeling physically ill. I just started a new psych doctor who I see again nxt week hopefully starting to change my meds slowly but right now and the padt several months Ive become more isolated I dont know if anyone out here in this community is going through really going through this I Have No One!!! My biggest support my best friend 43ys passed ladt year, Im estranged from my family because of them being toxic along with my son who refuses to talk to me he has alot going on himself he's 20 going on 21. As for any other friends they haven't contacted me in years I tried to contact them but no relply so the one thing my best friend once told me as long as you have one friend who is there has your back cries your tears laughs and gets your butt going that's all you need. Well my person is now gone and im alone! I am dealing with this anxiety that can bring on bits of paranoia and my depression is getting unbearable because the anxiety is driving it. But Im so very scared being alone feeling worthless and hopless I dont get phone calls nothing am I a horrible person I dont know is this someway of telling me I have no purpose here? My body hurts premenopause is contributing to that I was up shaking wondering is this going to be my life? I like to be around people but I dont know anyone anymore It hurts so much Im currently working on trying to see a new therapist the one i had was very young and wasn't a good fit. Ive been in therapy for a very long time so I don't know. I recently had to give up my car for financial purposes so that doesn't make it easy. The holidays are here Im all alone im sad it hurts so bad

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Well you have friends here.

Isn’t there a group meeting you can attend? Sounds like to me you could use a mourning group. You’ve lost a lot in the last few years. People are not kind about the process to you.

Stay with us. Share with us. Find a group. Talk to others like us. There is friendship out there. Look at the scared person. Say hello.

Keep trying.

Doaty💛

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thank you I don't know if there's a purpose anymore

[Ardraven]

Just the fact that you replied to my post today helped me a little - that's not the act of a worthless person. I know how you feel cause while I have a few friends and family in my life I have mobility problems and chronic pain due to issues with my spine and I spend a lot of my time stuck in the house with just my little dog while everyone else is out having a life. It feels really isolating and leaves me far too much time with my own thoughts. It sounds even worse for you. If you need someone else to talk to message me any time. I'm often starved of conversation. The dog's a great listener but he's not much of a conversationalist!

[Hidden in reply to Ardraven]

I will follow you so we can both message each other. I used to be a nursing assistant so I understand what physical limitations you might have.

[Ardraven in reply to Hidden]

That's cool. I've followed you too. Like I said message anytime if you need a chat.

[Mrspjsmom]

Changing meds and finding a therapist are so hard. Getting the right meds and the right therapist often feel like they take forever. But when you post there's always someone to listen.

[Hidden]

Im not sure anymore about anything there is a purpose to life but finding mine right now it feels like trying to find that socks you loss in the drier they just seem to disappear....thank you

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Kann I can’t tell you there’s always a purpose to every day or moment. I personally don’t think there is. Back when humans hunted for food and 24 hours was for survival then yeah there was purpose to every day. Now that we have more and more free time we have more A/D worldwide. We have time to think and wonder. Most people have enough money for necessities so they don’t work 80 hours a week.

Let me ask you something. Does there need to be a purpose all the time or can it come and go through life? Can sometimes just be cool and adrift and a person enjoy the peace and calm. You know the only thing that stays the same is change.

I was empty and alone for 5 years. All of a sudden I have 8 soon to be 9 grandkids, a horrible mother to deal with, classes for more of my career, a dying father who needs me, and a husband. What the heck happened?

I think when it feels as if there’s no point we need to practice patience, be thankful for the down time, and hold on tight because the poop is about to hit the fan.

I’ve sold a car to feed my kids for a few months. This is life. So we aren’t the ‘haves’ but we’re making it through this moment and that makes us warriors. No everybody can do what we do. Sad souls end up homeless and confused because of poor diet and health.

Wait these times out. Most of life is long, hard and can be miserable if you let it. Or it can be long, hard and oh well.

You aren’t alone and you are worthy.

Doaty

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I understand and I respect your strength and courage you have alot sending prayers for your father. I was homeless living in a shelter 13 in half yrs ago thats when my childs father got full custody of him i lost in court but as bad as my anxiety was and depression I was dete to get into a rooming house I did then a year later I got my apartment have been here 12yrs still have a broken relationship with my almost 21yr ols son who has mental illness as well but Im thankful im not an addict drugs or alcohol i dont have a car but theres a bus and train and i have a safe place to live in and food and clothes. Yes grateful. But im lost inside and people have abandoned me and i can say oh well but my mind is asking am i always going to be alone why do people come then go maybe ots distorted thinking but thats what happens when your feeling like your falling into a dark hole. I am just questioning me purpose of being here? I hope the new meds will help but please just keep chatting with me your strength helps me. Congratulations on new grandbaby on the way💗

[KittenMittens22]

Even though I don’t have it quiet so hard, I do understand. I am married, and I am grateful, but I have no friends and I am not close to my family and it feels very lonely. So I can only imagine.

My husband is more like a fun roommate, which is nice but I need someone to encourage me, listen when I talk, push me, feel with me, and I am not getting that.

I too feel like you do where I question my worth because I think “why is it so hard for people to love me and want to stick around”. People always leave me or betray me. It has been bothering me a lot lately that I feel so worthless to people and have no purpose as well. I feel like I’m just surviving.

The times that do help me feel like I have purpose is when I do for others, like volunteering. When I’m really low, I like to buy birthday gifts for children at the Salvation Army shelter and afterwards I feel like I have such great purpose for making a child’s day. I know not everyone can go spend money like that, but truly giving even time to others with less or just being kind to someone helps me to feel like I have purpose. I use to leave secret notes for people I knew were going through hard times, to encourage them.

There is a MeetUp app where you could also find social gatherings to get to know people your age with same interests. If you can take a bus I think it could help to get out and meet some new people and possibly another good friend.

I am so sorry you lost your one true friend, but feel lucky in that you got to experience that. I have never had a friend like that. It’s hard to find a genuine person.

[Hidden]

I’m so so sorry for your struggles. I can relate to some of what you’ve said, so I can truly empathize.

I feel isolated, extremely fearful of what life has become after losing a sister and my parents. Despite having 2 remaining siblings I really don’t have anyone left as far as the family into which I was born. I do have a husband and 2 kids, though my husband hasn’t been a husband since my Mom died, I’ve been emotionally abused and neglected. My kids are my only reason for being here.

I don’t receive phone calls either. It’s excruciatingly painful, I know.

My heart hurts for you.

Many hugs.