Something is wrong ..or is it?

[gky-]

Hey everyone

I'm sorry I guess I just need a lil vent and maybe some advice. I always feel like something is wrong with me I feel like my anxiety is getting better in some aspects and worsening in others. Most of my problems stem from acceptance from other people. I've always been really shy and a loner. There're many layers to me and I never let anyone too close. Because don't get me wrong I don't want to be a "lone wolf" exactly the opposite but as soon as I reach out to someone or Vice versa I will be the one to shut it down soon after. I constantly second guess and doubt myself. It's like I don't want to be happy in my relationships. Like constantly thinking I'm a burden to my mother or my boyfriend doesn't really love me. Like I'm being lied to even though they have done nothing for me to assume so. I feel like I'm constantly sabotaging my happiness by putting myself down where it hurts most, which is what others think of me. In slight moments of happiness I doubt everything and I try to not think this way but as soon as I try and change my thinking it always remains in the back of my mind. I know I'm only human, no one is perfect, and everyone has flaws I'm just scared those thoughts are true. I suppose none of you know me and know the people I'm talking about, but i can't tell anyone else this.

[blackcat64013]

Hi,

If something feels "wrong", it usually is.

To me you seem to have analysed yourself pretty well. You just need a tune up, say 6 sessions with a psychologist, to get your scary anxiety thoughts better under control.

Thanks for sharing on the forum.

[gdhillsy25]

That sounds exactly like me... can't take compliments feel like people just hate me can't understand why. I try to be more sociable more open but get shut down everytime.

[gky- in reply to gdhillsy25]

Exactly

[gdhillsy25]

Why do you think people act that way towards u?

[gky- in reply to gdhillsy25]

I think maybe my shyness might come off as bitchiness even though I always try to be nice and as open as I can be I've been trying to be better about that i force myself to be more open and share more about me I mean I would barely talk a few years ago so improvement I suppose its still really hard for me for some reason and I over analyze everything little thing so a) I'm being really overly critical of myself and overly self conscious and beating myself up about minuscule thing and no one actually cares b) come off as super weird or c) both

[gdhillsy25]

OMG... I know exactly what u mean. That's exactly what I thought to. My sister was like that I'm an introvert and that I fail to make small talk but I don't feel that way about myself. I am shy but once I get to knows person I'm open

[gky- in reply to gdhillsy25]

Plot twist I am ur sister dun dun duhhhhhh lol jk but seriously I do open myself up to very select people like I'm very close with my mom my aunt and a friend and I've been having a lot more of these terrible thoughts because I feel myself getting closer to my boyfriend which is a good thing obviously but it's very new for me to be in love so for me those thoughts distance me away just in case I get hurt it's a very damaging self defense but they have been more and more persistent causing me to have panic attacks (which I haven't had in years till now) because I love him I just don't know how to let those thoughts go

[gdhillsy25]

Let your guard down.. if you guys are meant to be you will know in time

[gdhillsy25]

How are you?

[gky- in reply to gdhillsy25]

I'm ok thank you I still have minor anxiety attacks but a lot less now thank you for checking up on me