Always feeling neglected

I have insomina. This past 2 weeks have been horrible. The past 2 days i had no sleep. Its too hard to explain but yesterday i worked from 9 to 4 and didn't get any sleep before getting up for work. Then when i got home i fell asleep around 5 then woke up around 11 then couldn't sleep the whole night. I had no sleep at all. Just laying in bed with my eyes closed. I worked today from 8 to 1. My parents wanted to take a 2 hour road trip to see family. I really didn't wanna go i wanted them to plan it through but they did it quickly. So here we are there and we left around 2 and we got here around 7. They acted like they wanna stay. I tried to express "when are we gonna leave?" so they decided to stay which i didn't wanna do since i worked and didn't sleep for way over what i think is normal. I'm angry.

I also hated it how i feel neglected. I just feel like my emotions, feelings, and words don't ever matter to my family. I am depressed but nobody gives a blank you know? Attention is always else where especially when i need it. It just makes me so angry. I wanna be home and alone. I just hate everything and my life. Nobody gives a f why should i? If i died it wouldn't be a big deal. Only got my parents, 2 brothers, sister in law and niece. Lost my so called best friend....so i got no friends. What is the point if nobody appreciates my presence? My life don't got meaning anyways. Just living day by day. Can't wait to schedule an appointment with my new counselor....

24 Replies

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  • Never feel alone i will be here if you need someone

  • Thank you. Means a lot to me. This group is all i got.

  • I hope your day was better

  • Yes insomnia is awful hell and almost no one understands it. I pray it gets better for you and that your counselor can help you feel valued and direct you to resources like a support group. Blessings

  • Thank you i hope so too. Insomnia is awful. I literally lay in bed for hours with my eyes closed....my brain can't shut off and it makes me so miserable.

  • HI Vonnah I used to do that but that only makes it worse. i'd just literally lay there until the sun came up. So now i play games on my computer, watch comedies, and sometimes that helps me drift off. But just laying there trying to sleep, makes me think so even though everyone says, its bad to have tv and electronics on when trying to sleep- well it's the only way i can sleep. i need to distract myself from my fears/anxieties. i play scrabble, some card games and other types of games with the computer. maybe try that? Take care

  • I understand i will try that! Thanks love!

  • Look into that trazodone I'm serious...did wonders for me! I know the awful Hell you're describing. Please see a Dr asap!!

  • First of all i never act childish and i'm more mature than people think i am. I do help pay for everything when i can, as if i had a choice. I paid for gas coming here and i put food in the house as well as taking care of bills. As a 19 year old i take care of my parents and still treat me like blank. Maybe you don't understand my full situation and how i feel but you don't know what goes on behind doors. Maybe you shouldn't talk like that on people's post it could hurt their feelings or something. To assume I'm acting childish is kinda crazy. I honestly don't have someone i can talk to in this family. So please think before you speak. Oh and you think just because I'm a female I'm suddenly considered a complaining princess? I don't need anybody. I am my own person and if i grew up without the kind of love and support and relationships i need now then so be it. When i get out on my own i will just prove people wrong. That was sexist there.

  • Dear Vonnah,

    You probably figured it out by now I replied to you in the wee hours of the morning as if your parents had heard your post and could reply. It wasn't comfortable. You used words insomnia, angry, hate, horrible, didn't wanna, didn't wanna, depression, (their) attention always elsewhere, so angry, neglected, just hate, and ( your) emotions, feelings, words don't matter.

    You did not like the reply, and made no bones about it. As well you should. Try to think how your parents would feel, or say and maybe change, if they actually heard your post.

    You received some very fine and wise replies from active members of this venue.

    Several, like lilaclil and klu12, discussed family dynamics. It is remarkable how family relationships can change for the better given time, some distance, patience and learning how to forgive.

  • I wish my relationship with my parents could improve but i doubt it. They would never admit to their wrong doing and never do therapy. My dad especially is verbally abusive. He called me a B when i was 12. I know nobody on here might fully understand what i been through and how i was treated growing up. I'm over that but it still happened. So has other things but my parents are very old fashioned and close minded. They aren't about having a emotional bond with their child. They are older but i just wish people could understand. I can't change a 60 year old and make him or her look at the world and people differently. They treated me differently than my brothers. I am a more open minded, free spirit kind of person but I'm not saying I'm perfect. Me and my parents don't see eye to eye a lot. My older brothers are more 'i could care less'. I care i really do but after trying to improve my parents relationship with me i gave up because its a cycle of how we treat each other bad and i think it will stop if i move out "when" i get my money saved up without them keeping asking for it.

  • I totally get it. My parents are the same way. Only thing that helped was me moving out. Make that your life's goal. I know it might be hard to do right now but honestly having a goal and something to work toward might help improve your situation.

  • Thank you. It is my goal but i gotta break my goals into smaller ones. I need my license first....then a car. My parents never taught me but i am looking for a driving lessons place.

  • Dont let opions of assholes get you down or mad being 19 and having all that stress and seeing your still your best is amazing im very proud of you and im here when you neede to be

  • Hi Vonnah It's awful when you can't sleep isn't it? Are you getting any help with this or on any meds to help? It's great that you will be going to counselling though. Well done.

    I wonder if your parents know how you feel? Have you told them of the problems you are having especially with the sleep side? Don't expect your family to be mind readers and understand without being told. I am sure they love you but their minds are on other things at the moment. Do you think they would be there for you if they knew what is going on?

    I will say though that not all families understand anxiety/depression. One of my cousins sons had very severe depression and didn't leave his room for about a year. He did have help from a counsellor and is a lot better now. My cousin loved him but never understood it and would say things to him such as snap out of it and pull yourself together etc. She was bewildered by it.

    What I am trying to say is if your parents don't understand it doesn't mean they don't love you - it just means they don't get it. Talk to us on here coz we do.

    I hope you are feeling better soon. Take care.

  • Thank you for your kindness. No i don't have any meds for it. Yes i told them more times than i can count that i have depression and anxiety plus other issues. They seem to not care or try to understand as much. When i need my space or am moody, they label me which is something i hate the most. Saying i have a attitude is stupid. I am a female and have a right just like a guy to have emotions. Its hard to hide emotions. But they keep bothering me when i want to be left alone and assume i have an attitude but i really just wanna be alone all from them for a while. They are attached to me and i need time when I'm somewhat away from them since i live with them and they are crazy. I hope you understand. They have a hard way of showing love....they say it but i don't believe it...then they will yell at me about money and stuff and call me names. It's suffocating living and them being attached and dependant on me. I can't even take care of myself! Do they care about that? Nope!

  • Vonah if you are working surely you can start to think about getting your own place? Your parents sound like mine were and I cleared off at 18 to go off on my own to a big city many miles away. Ok it wasn't easy but I learnt as I went along and it's the hardest lessons in life which take the best.

    I remember living for years in bedsit land and it was a big come down from the nice house my parents had in a nice area. But I was young and resilient and survived it.

    Living on your own isn't all it's cracked up to be though. It is expensive and you have to learn to take responsibility for yourself and your finances. It can also be very lonely. I don't regret what I did but (there's always a but) I did learn some very hard lessons at too young an age really and it has shaped my character for both good and bad ever since.

    But do remember it's your life for you to make of what you will of it and that is worth a lot of effort and some pain. Independence can be very lonely but it can also be exhilerating and exciting too. It taught me to grow up and become an adult.

  • You do matter Vonnah! I'm here if you need to talk. It's hard when people don't understand what you're going through but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be there for you. Tell your new counselor about it and maybe you and your parents can try a group session. The counselor will be able to help explain to them what's going on and give them tips on how to help you.

  • I honestly don't think they would do that. It would just go through one ear and out the other. Thanks.

  • Hi, I had insomnia very bad like that for about a month. Some nights I got no sleep, exactly as you described...Just laying there with my eyes closed. I finally had to be put on meds for my anxiety, which my Dr felt was feeding my insomnia and the cause of it in the first place, and she also put me on trazodone for sleep. Talk to your dr about both meds for anxiety and sleep.. Specifically mention trazodone and see what they say. The dose for sleep that I get is 50 mg. Trust me, I know what Hell you're going thru.. It's the worst thing I've ever experienced. Please see a Dr soon. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor. I also am seeing one and it's been a great help. Do you practice mindfulness at all? Its helped with my anxiety issues. There are two apps I recommend... Aura and Calm. Either one can you start practicing mindfulness. I hope and pray you get some relief soon!

  • Thank you for being so sweet and kind. I never tried mindfulness but i will now with those apps. I will ask my doctor about those meds too. Thank you for your understanding.

  • Of course! I know what you're going thru and it's been a horrible experience for me so I can imagine what you're experiencing now. I'm a teacher and had to get another job ..I'm also a single mom... So had a lot of stressors going on all at once. I totally understand where you're coming from with your parents, too. Mine are the same way and your dad sounds a lot like my mom, cuz she's the verbally abusive one with me. I don't live with them anymore and that helps but she still is heavily involved in my life because she takes care of my daughter while I'm working (before and after school). I really do recommend trying to move out as soon as you can... But also, just the fact that you realize you can't change them helps too. Which you've already done. Its not your fault that they are the way they are, and you can't change them. You are right. It's harder to deal with and dismiss what they say when you're around them a lot tho so that's why I advocate trying to move out. Do you have any friends who might be looking to move out too? a roommate might be helpful I'm getting you out on your own quicker...

  • I don't have any friends! I lost my only and ex best friend a few weeks ago. We been friends since 10th grade so our friendship lasted about 4 years. She ran away from home and moved to Colorado springs from south carolina with her boyfriend she kept secret from me and her family.....she's 19 and he is 50. She secretly dated him for 4 months. I ended the friendship when i realized she didn't want to take my advice. So yeah no friends. I'm definitely gonna have trust issues now😒

  • Oooh my!!! That's crazy! I'm 33 but I have very few friends myself. It's pretty much always been that way. My best friend moved to iowa last yr with her husband and now they're getting divorced but she's stuck there cuz they have a kid and she wants to stay close by so he can see his dad.. Which I get. But yeah, I have one other close friend and that's my ex.. long story but we're still good friends (no, not like that). LOL i most def have trust issues.. For a lot of reasons. It's hard to know if ppl have your best interests in mind or are only looking out for themselves and what you can do for them.

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