IDK Anymore!

[Donndonn1980]

At times I just want to grab pol and shake them and tell them how hard it is to not know why your life is as it is. Not to understand why u are so different than others when u feel like it just as good as everyone else. It's hard not being able to be yourself and being judged by everyone. Total strangers treat u shitty but u hold no hatred in your heart for anyone and mind your own business. I'm just the crazy bad guy but I'm the one that shares and would help anyone. No wonder my anxiety is so bad. Daily I make myself do things and I do what I have to for the kids and fam but nobody knows the things I feel or go through. I keep a smile but I'm miserable. I dont know why I think like I do and y my mind is different . I just wanna be normal and not worry as I do. It's very exhausting and never goes away. I've been through so much and I think PTSD can happen to regular ppl too. Depends on all you've been through. I didnt go to the army but the war on the streets messed my mind up. What if I was born wealthy or in a better environment I always ask myself. I never wanted to be chronically homeless it wasnt my plan to be on the streets. I just had parents that worried about themselves so I had to raise myself. Trial and error is all I knew. And i cant seem to get out of what i call survival mode. I do get paranoid and i get so scared sometimes. Yes drugs played its part alot but I did it to fit in and have ppl to be around in the streets. Mental illness is real but in my community it's a sign of weakness. It's sad. If I could I'd just wanna help homeless ppl and troubled kids cause nobody deserves the stuff I been through. Its stuff I think about that makes me just dont care cause it's like I've been cursed since I was born. And nobody gives af and never has. The few that did still didnt go out of their way to see what I was going through. Hurt ppl hurt ppl!!! That's so true but when will ppl see your real issues and help u instead of hurting u? How can ppl go to church and sleep at night knowing they judge ppl and are probably worst that the ppl they judge. I wish Ppl would really love each other and help each other. Everyday I just have to remind myself that I am a great person and I can only be me and do my best. I dont feel loved and it hurts to really have to say that! I love everything and everybody just never had it like some have so I coulda done great things. I'm smart and I love to learn stuff I ask myself why I couldn't be one of those homeless ppl that turned it around and have a good rags to riches story but in reality I know that doesn't happen for everyone. I still feel blessed though with the little I have and I cherish it. I just pray The Lord makes a way for me to be what he put me here to be. I wish we all could know what our purpose is so we could just focus on that and it all works out for us all. I feel every human is equal no matter what. We all deserve this planet and should be able to roam it freely. Anyways anyone who read this thanks and I hope all I well with u. If u dont do anything else just remember to love on your family or friends and check on them. Small things can be big to someone used to nothing or nobody caring!👍🏿👌🏿✌🏿💪🏿🙏🏿

[Emily16]

I really love this. Thank you for sharing. From what I’ve read, I can tell that you are a bright and caring person. I love that no matter what you have been through, you still care for others and you will do everything in your power to help them. You are beautiful!! We need more people like you in the world.💕

[Hidden in reply to Emily16]

Ugh Emily stole my words lol i was going to say that 😋

[Emily16 in reply to Hidden]

Haha! Great minds think alike.😁

[Donndonn1980 in reply to Emily16]

Ty. I'm so close to giving up again.

[Emily16 in reply to Donndonn1980]

Please don’t give up! I’m here for you. We can help each other.

[Donndonn1980 in reply to Emily16]

That's kool!👌🏿

[Hidden]

All of us do care here, and having that kind of mindset being a great person even during your struggles say a lot about you. You're a great person

[Donndonn1980 in reply to Hidden]

Ty

[Agora1]

Donndonn, Your post stole my heart. You're quite a young man. I believe you that the

war on the streets took over your mind. But you survived and that makes me believe

that you are a strong person. You've used your life experiences to become a man of

good character and belief in the human race. You're right in that life isn't always fair,

but we do what we have to in order to survive. Donn, be true to yourself and in what

you believe and maybe just maybe, the "rags to riches" dream may come true for you.

No one deserves it as much as you. I care. Agora1 x

[Donndonn1980 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for the kind words. I'd like nothing more than to be able to abundantly be able to do for my children and my family or pretty much anyone that I could help. I try to stay optimistic and at times I think I might just be ok. Then things happen to me or in my life that shatters those thoughts and i realize some ppl will do any and everything to make sure of your downfall. What does one do when it not as powerful as your adversaries? What would you do if u see no way to win. Again thank you and I wont give up I'm just going to continue to take it day by day. HAPPY new year

[Agora1 in reply to Donndonn1980]

Donndonn, what would I do? I may have not been in your shoes, but I have

had my own personal struggles in life. I never give up. Like you, I take it one

day at a time, one small victory at a time. I may not conquer the world but I

will do my best because I believe in myself. I support you Donn.

Happy New Year to you and your beautiful family x

[Donndonn1980 in reply to Agora1]

Again thanks. Ppl dont realize how encouraging words can change how a person's feeling in a positive way. I do take it a day at a time and will continue to as long as I'm allowed. It's much easier when u have support. My life would be so much easier if ppl would just allow me to keep getting better and not try to ruin me and my goals. I ignore the negativity but it does make my journey harder when ppl are against u.

[Agora1 in reply to Donndonn1980]

I hear you Donn. Remember one thing that I learned in life. The harder the obstacle, the harder we push forward to achieve our goal. The end results is

mind powering. x

[SirGrits]

Hey Donndonn1980 I'm really struck by your capacity and appreciation for empathy. Hang in there man, the world needs people like you.

[Donndonn1980 in reply to SirGrits]

Thankyou. And we also need ppl like u. To comment kind words on a strangers situation is very kind and to be admired. Again thank u.