New here/ first post- feeling lost

[newdaynewlight]

So hello all, a little background... I'm over a year "clean" from self harm and struggle with anxiety and depression. I've never been one to reach out or talk to others about how I feel. It's different for me. I'm more of a help people type of person than I am one to accept help or even support. And I'm in a much better head space than I used to be so I really find myself wondering what's next? What's the next step in my mental health journey? Who am I?

I am beyond lucky to have a supportive family,a few really close amazing friends; I'm in school to be a nurse and although that sorta fills that desire to "have a purpose" I still feel this emptiness in my chest. What's wrong? Why do you feel this way? Answer is I don't know. There's no "reason" for feeling the way I do and although I have my hobbies and interests I still almost wonder who am I really? I have, I guess for lack of better words, identified as my disorder for so long that I simply feel lost. I can't believe so much time has passed when I still vividly remember how low I felt and now that I've climbed out of the hole I have to find myself again.

There are always better days and worse days. And I know I want to help others who have been in the same place I have. But truly I'm just trying to figure out how to build myself up again.

Thanks for reading <3

[Hidden]

I get that - we become our disease/struggle etc. Just be kind to yourself, don't expect too much. You have gone through hell and come out the other side - what an achievement. Focus on what you have and let things follow naturally. It is ok to want more but not ok to demand it of yourself as if you are wanting in some area and therefore failing. Good luck but most of all be kind to yourself.

[newdaynewlight in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement <3 Much needed and appreciated

[Hidden in reply to newdaynewlight]

Also, try to find a new identity - as a survivor, someone strong and kiss-ass perhaps - because that is what you are!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Sorry, that was meant to mean KICK ass but I am sure you got that!!!!

[Called2Service]

Hello and welcome newdaynewlight!

I have been at the game of “working on feeling better” for a long time now. I sat for years and sorted out why I did what I did, acted how I acted, reacted how I reacted, and how to proceed forward and become a better me. It is a lot of introspection and not easy to face yourself or to be completely honest with yourself.

I have been visiting a counselor for years now. Have had to change counselors a couple times. Once because I didn’t really “connect” with one, then because I moved, then because of insurance. The counselor is there to help keep me moving forward in self work and through the things I have difficulty working on. There are times I do break down and become a mess of tears and other days I leave bouncy and way up. Regardless, each visit I have achieved something. I have learned more about myself or I have “homework” to learn more about myself and dig deeper.

Having a system of support is important as you travel this path of self-enlightenment and discovery. Whether it is immediate family and or friends or a support group. Reach out as often as you need/want. I/We are here for you! Again, welcome! Happy to have you here!

PS: Great Job!!! You should definitely be proud big your work and achievements so far. A year is nothing to sneeze at. You have done great things and will continue to do great things!

PPS: Find something beautiful or amazing each day that is inspiring or good. Focus on that and be inspired by it. I give examples of finding a flower growing out of a sidewalk or noticing a rainbow or the sunrise/sunset (colors, clouds, peace and calm), listening to or watching the ocean, stream, river, birds or other nature...

[newdaynewlight in reply to Called2Service]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply... reading through that really helps me realize I'm not alone. And I'm glad you mentioned that last part. I realized it is something that I used to do when going through one of my lowest lows and I think I need to get back into that for sure.

Lots of love and have a great day!

[Bcrawford16]

Hello! I’m recently new on here too. I can understand the feelings of “who am I?” Ive been in your shoes and what I found out was I was in the wrong profession. I worked in healthcare as an administrative assistant for 8 years and kept feeling like I didn’t belong and a sense of emptiness. Once my grandma passed I couldn’t work there anymore. It’s almost like it gave me the strength and courage to reach out of my comfort zone and find another job. Within 2 weeks I found my new job and everything has fell into place. I feel appreciated now and I now have a purpose. I still struggle with depression because my plate is just way too full but that emptiness did go away with the job change. Prayers for you I know how hard it is getting up every day not feeling like you have a purpose.

[newdaynewlight in reply to Bcrawford16]

Thank you dearly <3 I'm sorry to hear about your grandma but I am so happy to hear that everything worked out well otherwise. Taking it day by day that's for sure

[Bcrawford16 in reply to newdaynewlight]

Thank you