first time here: I'm not sure this is... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
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first time here

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I'm not sure this is the right place for me. I have been depressed for a while. Not major depression, and mostly I can see that it's related to this and that and the other specific factors; some are long-standing (like family or work problems), some are more immediate. I want to talk to someone but have no money to see a therapist. (I've been to a number of therapists in the past; have never taken meds.) I just feel so sad and alone. I don't have constant access to the internet, so if I don't get answers soon, I may just log off and check back in a day or three.

I kinda feel like crying just writing this. Is anyone out there?

Thanks for reading.

12 Replies
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You can talk here. Another option is to Google to see if there are support groups in your area for depression. There are a few where I live and they are free. There are no professionals, just people getting together and sharing what they are going through..

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in reply to Marshall64

Thanks, Marshall. I did find a support group in my area that meets once a week (for free). I'll probably try it next week, but I'm not sure. Part of me feels like because I'm not 'seriously' depressed and the meeting is at a hospital for mental health issues, maybe it's not something that will be a good fit. I know I won't know unless I go.

Now I just kind of feel stupid, seeing that mine is one of quite a few "new here" (title/subject) posts. Oh, well.

I don't know if there are different areas for different topics (like family or work) or how all this works. Do I just launch into what's going on with me?

I appreciate your reply.

Marshall64
Marshall64
in reply to Hidden

Yes, just share what is on your mind. There are no separate areas for work or family.

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in reply to Marshall64

I've just replied to a couple of other new members. A lot of my current problems have to do with work, but another thing that's really been weighing on me is about my sister.

I talked to her recently to ask her about her recent eye surgery, and she talked for about 30 minutes about the surgery and everything related to her and her eyes. Among other things, she told me that over 5 years ago, her eye doctor told her she had cataracts; then 2 years ago he said she really shouldn't be driving anymore. She also said that she'd recently noticed that when she was in the grocery store she couldn't read the signs in the aisles and that she was nervous she'd run into someone she knew because she couldn't make out facial features unless they were right in her face.

I was surprised and angry because she had never told me that her doctor had told her not to drive (or just how bad her eyesight has gotten) and I've been riding with her (in her car) a number of times the past couple of years. She totally glossed over that and said that a lot of people had been riding with her, but not that many because...blah blah blah. I then said something like, "I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about me." She told me that she felt she could drive just fine because her "gross vision" was fine (or something like that).

She switched the topic to me, then about 5 minutes later switched the topic again, in the middle of it mocking me (in a mocking tone of voice saying something like "I've been riding with you for the past two years"), and then when I said I needed to hang up, she just kept talking. This is how many of our phone calls go. She decides how long to talk, when to hang up, when to change the subject, etc. It's an ingrained dynamic that I just hate and can't seem to change.

But I'm just walking around hurt and angry about her mocking me and being completely unconcerned about driving for 2 years after her doctor told her she shouldn't. I feel like if I tell her, it'll be like no big deal to her. Maybe more mocking? There's more history to this, of course, just in terms of our relationship over the years.

Is this all totally stupid or what?

Marshall64
Marshall64
in reply to Hidden

You have a right to be concerned regarding her driving. It is kind of scary and I'm surprised she dismisses it so easily.

From the way you mention your sister's personality and the dynamics between the two of you, it doesn't sound like you will get any more out of her regarding your concerns.

I guess you have to weigh in if bringing it up again will bring more frustration on your part.

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in reply to Marshall64

Thanks for your feedback. This has been really bothering me and I haven't talked to anyone about it. It's nice to not feel so alone.

I feel like such an idiot.

Marshall64
Marshall64
in reply to Hidden

It is a put off when you bring up something to somebody and they turn it around on you or mock you. I had the situation at work and it left me speechless because it caught me off guard. Later I thought about all the replies I could have came up with but realized it was best to let it go and to choose my battles.

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in reply to Marshall64

Thank you! I have felt so bad that I didn't respond to her mocking (didn't call her on it). "it caught me off guard" is exactly right. Who expects adults to do that when you're having a serious conversation and talking about serious issues?

I was going to send her an email the next day because I didn't want to let it go but I didn't really want to try to talk to her, either. Then when I got to work I found out an assignment I was expecting had been taken away from me. This "assignment" would have paid my rent and more for the next 3-4 months, so suddenly I had to think about things like applying for food stamps, going to a food pantry, how am I going to pay my already-past-due light bill, etc etc.

It feels like it all just piled on and I've felt so miserable the past few weeks. My conversation with my sister was July 4, and July 5 was when I found out about the work thing. So I guess it's been about 3 weeks. I feel like I've lost track of time. I am working (part-time), but I'm barely scraping by.

Your replies mean a lot to me, thanks...I think everyone can read our conversation, right? And anyone can chime in at any point? I don't really know how this site works...

Marshall64
Marshall64
in reply to Hidden

Yes, even though you replied directly to me, everybody on the forum can see it and can chime in.

Sorry all this has happened to you.

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in reply to Marshall64

I sound like a broken record, but: Thank you!

I need to sign off and get going, but I will be back. Not sure when. Maybe tomorrow or over the weekend...or maybe Monday....I expect Monday at the latest.

Have a good weekend.

Welcome. You found a great place. We have around 3 new people post every day. In person support groups are great. Feel free to share with us whatever is bothering you and what you need support with. We are here to listen.

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in reply to AZ1970

Thanks, AZ1970. I just wrote a long post in response to Marshall's reply to my post. This all gets very confusing, doesn't it? I think you can see my other posts (I wrote two in response to Marshall).

Thanks for welcoming me to the site.

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