I'm not sure I fully understand this place or if I will ever continue with it. I just took a test that told me I was severely depressed and had severe anxiety and recommended me this place and I thought, eh, why not?
I am just tired.
Tired of failing, tired of feeling inadequate. Tired of feeling that the world is too large for me. That life is too big for me, and that I'm not up for it. That I can't deal with its challenges.
Its not that I dont want to live or that I'm ungrateful of what I have, of life itself. (Hell, I'm terrified of Death). But I just feel that if life was a test, I would fail it. And failing at life... tends to be extremely punishing. Not only I fear been thrown to the streets and loose all I care for, I feel constantly I'm disappointing everyone around me. Their worry feels like yet another failure in my end.
The world is so beautiful and yet so unforgiving. I dont believe in God because what kind of Sadist would have designed a universe that functions on success alone and punishes by death all those who are not up to it.
I'm not up to it. I'm in the loosing batch and I feel like I will loose it all I love, everyone I love they will just die and become lost, and then I will die, and I'll just not exist anymore, not even memories or thoughts to treassure, not even a sense of self gone into nothingness.
All I care for will just banish on the unforgiving loop of time.
Written by
WorldsTooBigForMe
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You seem like a pretty thoughtful individual and I am glad to have you here in this group.
I think that your fears about ending up homeless are valid. I also understand you are dealing with anxiety/depression which probably make this fear feel unbearable. Maybe it has even paralyzed you from being able to move forward.
I have anxiety as well, so I know how that feels. It is important that you take all of the steps that you possibly can to get through it. That includes coming to a support group (good job), talking to a professional, maybe taking medication, and exploring things like meditation.
It is a huge challenge but I have learned a lot about myself in the suffering.
You probably have some skill or passion that you are particularly good at. Lean into that, some of that anxious energy can be channeled into something powerful. You would be surprised by how many extremely creative and successful people have done just that.
Hiya WorldsTooBig. I am so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed and anxious and depressed. The world can be very very daunting and huge.
I would challenge that no people are failures and there is not a test of life, it is an experience. We learn what we learn. It is much easier for me to be excited about life if everything is not I have to but I get to or I would like to. It is not I have to go to work to provide for my family, but I would like to provide for them and their needs and wants.
Know that you have worth regardless of what you do or don't do. Have some compassion for yourself if you can. I don't know if you are in therapy or have been doing this stuff for long but I really like the book "Feeling Great" by Dr David Burns
I think that they are really helpful for me and the positive reframing. I want to dive a little more into the overcoming resistance stuff and see what I can do. The distortions do help me be able to accept my emotions too because they don't have to be all bad when I feel hopeless or overwhelmed. Then I can sit in them and ride them out or communicate about them and get some validation.
but you need to understand also that they ARE DISTORTIONS!!!!! Anxiety is a fickle beast....for example...was out with my gf and family last night at dinner......sat with my back in the direction of normal traffic flow in and out of the establishment....struggled because I had my back to just about everyone/everything that was happening....cognitive distortions are all about perception
Yeah from my understanding these distortions are also related to logical fallacies. Like overgeneralization. Those are worth learning about as well because they are related to the cognitive distortions. I learned about the fallacies in a critical thinking class. There are dozens of them that have been identified.
yes sir....need to go back and rework stanton saminow's inside the criminal mind too...those have been a big help...those ideas....it's scary how much my life relates to/revolves around my work
I know it's a way to see things. I imagine it being like a brain switch. I have been told to see things not as obstacles but as challenges, as things I should be excited and have fun with doing without worrying whether I can succeed or not on them... But I dont know. I'm in an internal loop where I have 0 hope and I just see every posibility and can just hope for the worse one. I brace myself for the worse but have little to no expectation for anything good. I feel that that is certainly the issue, but I find myself to scared to hope for the good because it 'feels' like everytime I do I endup disappointed. I know its not true, I know its a cognitive bias, I understand that but I'm so conditioned to be this way that I dont even know how to change it.
I think that hopelessness is a defense against getting our hopes up and more disappointement so it serves a purpose. I often plan for the worst and hope for the best, then I can take nothing for granted and be surprised. That is great for Christmas coming too 😜
I think that feeling hopeless for very long at all is extremely depressing. I can't think of a sadder feeling than hopelessness. Are you going to therapy? I know that there are so many ways to work on ourselves out there, there will be something for everyone. Maybe not to make us all deliriously happy, but I think that we can all have peace.
I went to therapy a couple of times but I feel very disassociated with it.... not to mention I cant afford it and in Mexico mental health is not extremely developed. I'm must not sure what to do anymore.
There are several things to address here...1st and Foremost.....you are totally allowed to have these feelings......they are normal feelings approved by you.....
Feeling inadequate?? only way you ever are truly inadequate is if you completely quit trying...and you are nowhere near done with that....acknowledging that there is an issue is the biggest part in fixing it.....as long as you are giving your best effort.....that's all that matters....don't ever quit....you don't have to get done ...just can't quit
I've learned.....and am continuing to learn...that the world is actually very forgiving......we're just not forgiving of ourselves.......as long as you are doing the best that you can each day....that is an accomplishment..Look at where you were....Look at where you are now....the reason you are fighting it...is because it's so new to you.....,just keep fighting
Are you losing...I don't think so.....are you getting enough done....that's up to you....just keep moving forward
I dont even know If I'm doing my best. Many times I feel I could do better, that I can press myself further. That accomplishing things is just a matter of discipline, of telling my self to do it, to snap out of it. But I feel like I have already quitted, that I'm just doing the bare minimum. My partner does most in the house, I barelly do the minimum to remain on my job... I dont know. I feel I'm relaying too much on my own tiredness and sadness instead of trying, but I just find myself sleeping most of the day or loosing time on pointless things like reading guilty pleasure literature or just staring at the void.
sometimes snapping out of it is impossible....sometimes it's all one can do to get 1 thing done in a day....effort is paramount....some days we have a lot of energy and can put forth a lot of effort for different things....sometimes we have a lot of energy and good intentions.....sometimes it's all we can do to move from 1 part of the house/apartment to another...survival is the key
It sounds to me, as a wonderful armchair therapist here with absolutley no qualifications, that you are struggling with self worth stuff. It is so easy to see how we could do something better, which shows that you care about doing well, but I would be careful about doing our "best". That is unattainable I think.
I really struggled thinking about how I could have worth without thinking about potential. I would think "sure I have worth because I can learn stuff and be better" What a sack of lies! We have worth just existing. Does a newborn baby have worth even though they can't do anything for themselves? YES! (and don't try to rationalize the baby having worth because other people have put work into it, we have worth just existing). Rocks have worth, dust does, mosquitos do, and so do I, you, and everyone.
Remember that you cannot add to your worth no matter what you do. I find this empowering. You also cannot detract from your worth no matter what you don't do or do. I think this frees us up to be alive. I would live thinking I had to earn my worth from exercise in the morning, I would do that then would have to earn my worth again by going to work and being productive, then I would have to earn my worth again by working on school after work. HOW EXHAUSTING! Sorry for rambling and repeating myself, I just wish you peace and hope and strength and clarity.
I also agree that the only real failure is quitting. Every day we continue to breathe can be a victory. As long as we are alive we can search for peace.
although I always hope for peace.....I will settle for contentment...for the most part I am content.....as long as the good lord blesses me with a "wake up" I can deal with anything
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I dont know what to do anymore
I dont know what to do sometimes. 
I dont know what to do anymore
I don't even know what I'm doing here.
