Anxiety and Depression Support
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hi all not my first post. But I've been suffering thought might of been savoir anxiety... In nine days I've lost almost 10kg I went from being 94kg to today I'm at 86.6kg... I'm constantly on edge, I haven't really slept since this unexpected weight loss accord. Not only I'm I feeling fatigue, dizzy spells, tired and loss of appetite, tingling burning sensations over my body, always fear the worst about my health, I've check my symptoms on the NHS site and other websites and it all pointed to Pancreatic cancer, now I fear to go to sleep and I can't relax it's just getting worse, my manager has cut my hours down because I can't focus at work I feel like I'm gonna pass out or have a panic attack, I've taken two days off work already and I've been late for work.

Please if anyone has experience this before can you tell me what your results were and how you delt with it and how it was cured.

been to my GP about my weight loss she sent me for a blood test, stool sample and an X-ray. Got the results back yesterday all clear, he said I'm just being anxious and need to relax and stop searching symptoms online, I had to beg him for a CT or MRI scan to be done, so he said the best he can do for me is an Ultrasound. So now I have to wait for the letter to come with my appointment.

Hope someone can shine a light my way as I'm scared as hell and this is taking a toll on my family especially my little girl.

sorry for this morbid post.

but thank you for taking the time to read this.

kind regards

Corvin

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Yes I know exactly how you feel. I have had all of those symptoms. I mean really its to the point to where I don't know if I the capabilities to live with out someone taking care of me. That makes it even worse. I question my boyfriend constantly. I am living in constant fear of everything. Its like my boyfriend is living my life for me. I think I am going to start writing some of my thoughts down. Since I started writing this my anxiety is a little better. My Dr. Prescribed me lexapro. I think I need to take it.

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sorry that your going through similar stuff as I am it sucks I know, and hard.

it doesn't feel like it gets any easier.

can I ask did you have any unintended weight loss cause of your symptoms?

what was the worst symptoms you went through? If you don't mind me asking.

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Pretty sure I've lost 20 pounds since December. I'm trying to gain weight... not happening. I think this is my nerves getting to me moreso than anything.

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Hi thanks for your msg, yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes its hard not to go online to check up on. Things because I've been told once by an old GP that a lot of the information online are written by Medics, professionals.

but the reason why I do is because mostly of this unintended weight loss and the way I've been feeling.

but thank you, I think I do need to see a councillor for this.

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It sounds like you have a lot going on. Hopefully the Doctors can figure out what's happening. I suffer from severe anxiety too and at one point I was sure I had a disease, I kept going to the emergency room and it ended up being my first attack of schizophrenia (which doesn't sound like your case). I have developed agoraphobia because of my increasing anxiety, Now I can't get out of my room. I wish you all the best and anytime you want to talk just message me.

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hi Kelli333, thanks for your msg. It's horrible and at time I don't know what to do. Did you loose any weight with your Anxiety?

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no actually I gained a lot of weight but now I've lost it. I hit that point today of not knowing what to do anymore. Like giving up.

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Corvin1

Wow ?

1st of all bless you here's a bloody big hug x

Now listen to me please with respect ok.

Now I would never have posted what I am about to for fear of others thinking I'm a nutcase ,even if I am ok ?

Now here's a little story about my last 2 years 8 months.

I ate a lovely meal lovely , an hour later my tummy swelled up like a balloon I got a bit scared .

Half an hour later I could not explain how my tummy was feelin and I went upstairs to take a lie down but I never made it I ran to the loo vomiting up bile .

I collapsed on the floor having the worst attack of pain I think I will ever experience ok it was everywhere stomached upper centre real bad , up in my chest all up my back just everywhere I couldn't even make out where the pain was , it went on for some 7 hours and I was convinced I was going to die like convinced, I was real scared , I could not sit lie stand crouch anything to release this pain , after a while it started to calm and I was so drained in every way I fell to like ide just been mike tysons punch bag for 7 hours and fell asleep.

The next few days I had some weird issues with the loo lie spare you the details .

But just say I've had very pale stools and extremely dark urine ever since no matter if I drink a gallon of water a day,

I went to go in the end as I was living and still am in fear.

I had a fair few tests , lots of bloods which are all off and have been since and getting worse as time goes by,

An ultrasound, a ct scan an mrct which looks at the bilberry tree I beleave.

I was told I had fatty liver disease and told to stop drinking I said I don't drink and that diagnosis changed to nafld non alcoholic fatty liver disease .

With 4 gallstones in my gallbladder and a late stone stuck in the neck of gallbladder with a shadow.

Sent to a consultant who then done the ct and MRI and said I need my gallbladder out.

Now in that time which was around 4 weeks , I was told I can eat takeaways currys Chinese fried foods anything with oils no sat fats etc etc Or I would have another attack and be leave me I did not want that pain again.

So I did not know what to eat and was in shock I guiess.

I then lost 3 and a half stone in 3 weeks and this like you ? Freaked me out big time .

And was the reason the consultant sent me for the ct and mrct.

By then I was convinced I must have cancer .

Then I looked to dr google like a FOOL ?

I put in my symptoms and came up with pancreatic cancer , just like you ?

And I totally convinced myself that's it I've got it I'll be dead in months etc.

I then drove my go mad for more blood tests including ca 19 _9 cancer antigen blood test which came back normal.

But this made no diffrance to me at all I was convinced.

I drove my go half mad with one blood test or another .

I told him I want a second opinion and I had been and had a private consultancy

With a top general surgeon in Harley street who was happy to see me at uclh on the NHS and to refer me.

He did so,

I went to him I had more blood tests another ultrasound , which showed 2large gallstones in gallbladder 2.3cm and 2.2 cm stone stuck in the neck of my gallbladder with a shadow ?

But no sign of fatty liver or Nafld ? But the sonographer now found a 7mm mass on my liver .

So again it fed I fed my anxiety more telling myself oh no I've got liver cancer it's spread .

He again said I need my gallbladder out but still I was convinced it's my pancreas .

My go told me I have given myself cancer phobia ?

And repeatedly tried to put me on anti depressants .

I repeatedly refused.

Demanding more tests more tests .

I ve had about another 4 ultrasounds since then all showing stones gallbladder but still I'm not convinced it's just stones as if that's not enough.

I had another ct scan but no result as I refuse the contrast injection because I'm even scared of that.

All the time this was all going on I was looking at my partner and my now 4 year old little boy and breaking down all the time at one point I don't think I came out of my bedroom for 7 months ?

Severe depression and anxiety and fear convinced I am dieyin.

I was offered a gastrascope but couldn't do it because of my panic attacks and anxiety.

BASICLY I DROVE MYSELF AND MY FAMILY MAD NEAR LITRALLY.

and still am to some degree ?

I've now had a further 2 major attacks that near killed me , in the last 6 weeks so 3 in total now and lost another 9 kilos .

I paid for my own ultrasound 3 weeks ago and was told stones but now my gallbladder is real sick with chronic cholestastis and thickening of the gallbladder wall and my gallbladder is infected and inflamed and shrinking and getting serious now.

More panic still no one can see my pancreas all this time due to excess gas .

Then I go on a no fat diet again and go to pay 300 for yet another private consultant with an even better general surgeon who is a pancreatic cancer surgeon and liver transplant surgeon.

I take all my reports with me and he tells me it's time for my gallbladder to come out and I can't leave it much longer and he would take it out 2 days later ?

But I'm too scared and I still do not trust . I explain my fears of pancreatic cancer to him and he suggests yet more blood tests and again the cancer antigen ca19_9 which looks at the pancreas cost about 500 so I do these , the results are back and again the 19_9 is normal and still I'm not convinced ?????

Last week I paid again for yet another ultrasound and Wha hey ?

Now my gallbladder has calmed down again and not infected or inflamed and now the wall is thin again 1.4 mm which is good and the sonographer is confused ?

But now he finds yet another mass on my liver 3.5 mm as well as the 7mm one and this in my head is another cancer spread ?

But he thinks as the other did these are hemangiomas which are relatively harmless but he cannot be 100 per cent sure .

That's where I'm at today and I still need my gallbladder out but I'm so confused with all these different diagnosis that I do not know what to be leave or do ?

The TRUTH IS ? If I did have pancreatic cancer , chances are ide have been dead now 4 times over ?

But I've driven myself half mad and that of my family and the truth and fact of the matter is ?

Is what diffrance would it make if I have if I did or not because theirs not much they can do either way really and the medical world is really quite limited as to what they can do .so I should have just lived and enjoyed my life and that of my family instead of driveing myself mad on dr google because it really makes no diffrance anyway as what will be will be at the end of the day and that's the facts to be honest .

But I've tortured myself to near death . And my reason for posting and sharing this with you is ?

It's been a terrible 2 years 8 months for me and my family and really I'm none the wiser and what diffrance does it make anyway ?

You have not got pancreatic cancer not a chance in the world and probbably neither have I ?

PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY AND THAR]T OF YOUR FAMILY I BEG YOU AS ITS NIGHTMARE JERNEY ?????

Just forget this out of your mind and live your life because it's too precious and to short to waste as I have worrying about something that's likely not to be ?????

Hope this helps you in not going down the same road I have as it's the worst thing ever you can do to yourself and your child .

Enjoy your little girl and your life and have a fab summer x

Called lee.

My mind I think has made a hell of a heaven ,please make yours make a heaven of a hell.

If I can help you please feel free to ask anything.

Kindest regards.

Callum lee.

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wow thank you for sharing Callum I really appreciate it. And truly sorry for all that you have gone through.

sadly I don't have the money to go private. I wish I did so I could get some answers quicker.

as for your stool samples, you could tell me it won't faze me, mine have been bad... Mine are yellow in colour and not very pleasant In smell.

I don't have a big family, my sister and nephew have tried to support me, my daughter lives with her mother in London so I don't get to see her much or I rarely see her, I try to speak to her on the phone but I brake down into tears crying.

as like you when I go to urinate it comes out Dark like apple juice, I'm constantly drinking water bottle after bottle, and it wont come out clear for the life of me.

my doctor looked at my throat the other day and saw that I have a white tongue, and he said And I quote this " I think you have thrush" so he proscribed antibiotics to take. Now I went out yesterday to buy these tablets but because he wasn't very convincing I'm skeptical of taking this medication because it might make things worse. I don't know again I'm always over thinking everything now and its getting worse my sister is getting tired and trying her very best to support me and giving advice but it's hard as I'm always second guessing everything and analysing everything.

but one things for sure, I know there's something medically wrong with me, I truly hope it's not what I think it easy the C word, but I'm not ruling it out and its true what you said the medical world is limited in what they can do, but I know my body, if something is wrong then something Is wrong. My GP on Monday was a bit over taken in how much weight I've lost and seeing my urine so dark he was a bit baffled, but I still had to ask him for a scan to be done. He really wasn't going to put me through to one because his convinced that it's just my Anxiety playing up.

so the only real reason he agreed to having at least an Ultrasound to be done is to ease my mind. And probably to stop wasting NHS time and money.

but with you, gallbladder issue was shown more times, I know that sucks to, and like you I have a fear of surgery and what could go wrong, but if that was the best option then I think I would of gone for it. I wouldn't have much of a choice because I can't afford to get second professional opinion.

I'm truly sorry though that you had to go through this ordeal, but your here now still after 2 years and 8 months, hopefully your making the best of it.

thank you so much for sharing Callum and I hope things are getting better for you.

I'm here to if you need to talk.

don't be a stranger. I'll try and reply as quick as I can.

Try to stay healthy and strong

kind regards

Corvin

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