I can look at my life rationally and say it really isn't a bad life, and yet I'm constantly on the verge of tears and I can't escape the emotional storm that surrounds me... I just wish it would end... I'm not suicidal by any means, but I am apathetic... I shouldn't be, I fought like hell 20+ years ago to live and now, in retrospect, I wish I hadn't... I've only recently, in the past 6 years or so opened myself up again, for the other 14 years, I shut down emotionally, I used anger to keep the soft side in check, I became agoraphobic and kept people at a distance... Life was so much easier... I often wonder if I should just embrace that side of me again, if I can find it... Because now all I do is waffle between anxiety and depression with the occasional joy that makes it all worth it for a moment... Then it's back to being miserable in what seems like a nearly perfect life... Why does it have to be this way?