I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since I was a tennager. Back then I didn't know what was going on, I thought, as many have told me before, that I was too sensitive. Things got worse when I lost a great friend at the age of 15. Since then I haven't been able to connect with people in the same way. I do have friends and all but it seems like there is always a gap. I remember when I lost thus dear friend of mine I ask for help. I told my father that there was something wrong with me, I opened my heart to him and asked him whether I could seek professional help. All he said was: "my daughter is not crazy". For many years I kept my loneliness and suffering only to myself. Until at the age of 23 I had a horrible break down. Things were not going well at work, my relationship was horrible and I was far away from my loved ones. I became a horrible person to everyone around me, specially to myself. I would constantly compare myself to other women, blame my partner for everything and withdraw from my family and friends. After a while, I decided to move abroad. Improve my english and start again. For sometime I was ok, everthing was new and so exciting. After a while though, the symptoms came back stronger and stronger. I ended up ruining another relationship. Again, I stupidly thought that if I moved somewhere else I would get better so that's what I did. I moved somewhere else and I met someone. He knew about my problem and promised to help me, look after me. However, after sometime he started to get frustated with my "crazy behaviour". He would leave me alone at home and tell me horrible things such as "I don't know how I haven't hit you yet" until he did...one day I had a break down, he came home drunk, threw me on the floor and hit me repeatedly. He said horrible things to me and said that he was right to do that to me because I took his help for granted. I said I would leave him, I never went to the police and I ended up staying because I'm not strong enough to leave. All I want is to cure myself and leave this horrible relationship that makes me feel even worse.