Depression/Anxiety episode

[lovablelaughter7]

Hi all,

I am relatively new here and hoping that by talking to people who can relate, I can possibly make sense of a few things.

A quick background... I have suffered from generalized anxiety disorder and depression since 18 years old. I watched my father die of cancer slowly at a young age and that has caused me to struggle with the fear of loss over my lifetime (now 28). I've been medicated with a variety of SSRI's since I was 18 and have received professional help from several therapists.

My biggest struggle currently in my life is dating and prospective romantic relationships. I find myself not only struggling with opening up out of fear of rejection but the anxiety attacks that come from the whole dating process, specifically online dating. Unfortunately, I find myself scaring people away because I find myself trying to "hold on" to the friendship and relationship. My head then spirals out of control with thoughts of "I'm never good enough", "why can't I get someone to stay in my life", etc..

I recently spent the night with a gentleman who I met through a mutual friend. It was honestly the best night I have had in a long time because I felt close to this person emotionally, intellectually, physically... But after 24 hours he seemed to care less about speaking with me despite the amazing night we spent together and consistent conversation days leading up to it. Since, this has sent me into the biggest depression I have felt in a long time (and I have been on tons of dates in the last three years). I am isolating myself, can't eat, don't know where to go, don't want to talk, and I just cry. All while my head is racing with all the horrible thoughts.

Has anyone ever experienced anything similar going through the dating process? I know logically one date should not impact me like this. I am struggling to go on and continue to put myself out there, as this occurrence is tearing me up feeling "loss" once again. Any help, tips, or encouragement would be helpful.

[Hidden]

youre not alone, I think a lot of us with depression and/or anxiety go through something similar.. it’s been a while since I’ve even tried to be honest because of some of the same things you’ve said, not feeling like I’m good enough, fear of rejection type of thing, maybe even a fear of intimacy lately because afterwards I feel abandoned.. but you need to push forward the fact that you do care so much shows that you are a kind hearted loving person. And anyone who doesn’t stick around for that, doesn't necessarily deserve you (not the other way around)

[Stilltrying_]

It's difficult to say from this brief description but if you spent the night together and were intimate physically and emotionally then I would say it would be a great drop for any normal person not to have contact that made sense afterwards. It doesn't seem out of sorts at all to me. I would be left bereft and confused as you are .

Don't be hard on yourself. Maybe in a few days time contact him and ask him what is going on and go from there. You are perfectly in your rights. Personally I would be caved in.

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

That’s a good point you should definitely see if maybe you could be jumping to the conclusion that you are being rejected to quickly ? Not sure if that’s the case, but it could be.

[hypercat54]

Hi nice to meet you. Now this is not a criticism at all as loads of us do it, but I wonder if you try and get too close with a man too quickly? You know how easily they scare off, so maybe make your aim to have fun rather than you have to meet someone for a serious relationship?

If you are happy you don't do this then all I can say is you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And you will some day. x

[Jeff1943]

Fear of rejection has resulted in many lost opportunities. But why fear rejection: everybody is looking for their own version of Mr. Perfecto and we can't please all of the people all of the time. Just put on your best show and if the spell doesn't bind then it's their loss.

What's wrong with waiting for those people who think you're ace to turn up and dismiss the rest as time wasters? It's not you, it's them. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince so you're going to need plenty of lip gloss.

Think about all your good points, all those things you know that others should find fascinating. Build a high opinion of yourself and you'll exude confidence.

This guy who disappointed you, fun while it lasted, but who knows what was going on in his life. You can hope but don't expect too much.

Anxiety disorder exaggerates all our emotions ten-fold: grief, disappointment, loss all hit us out of proportion. You have anxiety disorder so you're vulnerable. Give yourself permission to fail, there's no need for tears: partners are like traffic cops, there'll be another one along in a moment👮‍♂️

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I stopped dating senior year of college in 1992. I focused on work. Never felt like I needed someone else to be with me. Yes, there were lonely times. Yes, I lost friends from oversharing or symptom flare ups. I just try my best to push through it. Have no itention of dating. Online dating scares a lot of people. Make a friend, first, then look for the romance. Best wishes.

[Hidden]

I have the same insecurities of feeling like I'm not good enough and that I'm a worthless person that has nothing to offer. I've been married for 8 years now and I still feel that way sometimes. There was an incident recently involving my wife that flared up these insecurities intensely. The dating scene can be a lot more anxiety provoking because there is rarely a time where you can get understanding of why a person doesn't want to continue seeing you much like you described in your post. All you can do is guess and assume which will drive you crazy. Could you ask your mutual friend about the situation since you met the guy through this person?

[anon2623113]

The dating world right now with all the one night stands is the new norm unfortunately. Nobody creates attachments, they just want their physical need to be met. That's what the online dating world is all about. If your not looking for that then maybe the online dating thing is not for you. Everyone is broken in some way but there is always someone out there to match your broken and accept you for you as well. Just might take a minute to find them.