Isn't it ironic? I was having serious suicide ideation and I do have a psychiatrist and a psychologist, actually, I told them about my serious fear of hurting myself, since the week before I was having breakfast and I thought about burning my arm on the fire where the tea was because I was so tired of feeling anxious that I'd rather go through pain.
I'm better now, but the thing is: I went to my psychiatrist and he is really nice and all, I'm living in a small town and I feel lucky to have found such professional, buuut, he heard all my problems and he always says to call him for whatever problems come up about the meds I take.
Last Wednesday I went to an appointment on his office and to my psychologist, was a full day, I've got kinda disappointed with what I've got from my psychologist and him as answers to my fear of doing something bad. I am the person who manage all my meds doses, that look to see which one might end and I have to separate my feelings from facts when it comes to feedback about meds, so I don't have the "right" to be all emotional and crying when I go to appointments, I have to be clear to solve a problem if I have one.
Maybe people think someone about to do something would look different? Maybe apathetic or crying a lot?
That Wednesday I held my tears until I got home, the minute I opened the door I cried so much that it felt like a physical pain, I couldn't stop crying and then I was crying because I wanted to end everything, to die, everytime I would think about reasons to be alive I'd cry more, because in that moment nothing really mattered. I had to be quick to get in touch with someone to help me, I called my psychiatrist but nothing, sent message to my psychologist and nothing. Few minutes later my psychiatrist called me and I was crying and after hearing what was going on, he said to me to get the sos medication and rest. That felt sad, I did take the med, but I told my psychiatrist since the first appointment that I tried suicide more than once taking a lot of pills, it felt like if I didn't fight against myself, I would have died. And I did ask for help.
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Anzanddepreshgirl
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You my dear will be fine . I wish I had the challenges you have. You just need a friend and love. That’s all. A true companion to be there.
I too experience what youreygoing through quite often! Having to hold it all in until I’m alone or when the tears creel down my face at work - I have for in to be alone and hide my face. I think we cry because for 1 we don’t want to feel the pain and 2. We feel as though there isn’t enough REAL help and answers .
I’m tired of detaching from reality not being able to tell what’s facts from fiction in my mind. All the what ifs scare me deeply.
But You will live and not die. I promise you ! Just keep going and floating like a feather. Don’t worry about the weights you temporarily feel. They perish as time passes
Thank you so much!! I have my husband, he's very supportive and comprehensive, my best friend.
But I am alone during daytime, I can't work right now, I've been months now on a roller coaster of having a lot of anxiety and depression crisis, it paralyzes me, I just go out to therapy and psychiatrist appointments.
I still feel like most people are not ready or trained to deal when someone tell " I want to kill myself " and asks for help, even professionals, the amount of help someone can get is really small .
At least you have an understanding partner ! I love that . So that’s really great.
I moved to a whole state 1,200miles from home and my family. I initially wanted to be alone but I’m tooo alone now. Unfortunately, I had mental health challenges prior to this. I definitely understand the mental health crises and challenges of the roller coaster. Not being to talk it out with a professional who has time and actually cares is what paralyzes us and makes us feel stuck. That’s makes us feel very suicidal at times because it’s discouraging.
It's really discouraging, because people say for you to get help, you try and then, there's nothing. I hope other people that goes through this kind of problem have better help than me, because I was able to hold myself but I know that is not everybody that can do that. I hate the shame people throw at someone with suicidal ideation, it makes harder to feel understood and even for someone suffering to ask for help.
Yes I almost ended myself this week. I didn’t know how to actually go through with it. My therapist contacted me immediately. But holding myself together was hard to do in those moments. I’m still struggling- our community is distracting me.
I hope you can feel better, feeling like this is so hard to explain and to be understood. I have been going to therapy, I hope it helps me with anxiety, because it is what makes me depressed and tired the most.
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