my first post

[g00021906]

hi I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and severe depression 15 years ago when I was 15 years old. I have always felt I was somewhat ok until recently. I have 2 young daughters with the man I spent the past 14 years with. he turned into a physically abusive alcoholic (only to me) and made it his daily life goal to yell at and harass me. I finally left with our daughters but he caused me to lose my job (he refused to watch kids so I had to call out to watch them) and I cant find a job since I had a history of calling out due him his unwillingness to watch kids. I have a townhouse with 1200 a month rent --- I was desperate to get out and looked at countless places this is the only one I could get. my 11 1/2 year old cat died suddenly a few weeks ago, and the anxiety has made a return with a vengeance. I'm constantly panicky, constant panic attacks, my heart constantly hurts. I cant eat, I lost 15lbs in the past 2 months. now hes on me about child custody. I keep thinking something bad is gonna happen and it makes me panic more. I'm literally fighting tears constantly, I can cry I feel at any time if I allowed myself to. I'm ignoring everyone because I feel like I'm going to snap and start yelling if they try to pry or talk about certain subjects. my daughters are the only ones who I feel love me and they help me sty calm. theyre always giving me hugs and kisses and saying how much they love me and thats all that gets me through the day. I made a therapist appointment but I couldn't get in for another week. I'm starting to get physically sick, headaches, digestion issues, not eating, stomach pain, headaches. I feel very lonely yet don't want to see anyone. I'm so very sad and I just don't know what to do. thanks