I am sorry if this offends anyone but this is how I truly feel. I dont even know if God exists anymore? I dont even know if he knows I'm here. If he has something against me if he does exist then why? I have been a person who has always had faith no matter what. I'm a person who stuck to the golden rule. I'm a person who prayed about everything. But I'm sorry I just cant go on anymore believing. I cant keep living in "faith". I feel its hopeless. I mean if God is so loving and wonderful then why do I have to live in constant fear and dread. Why wont he help me? Why do really bad things happen. Here is what I have endured in my life. A mom that couldn't stand me as a child. My first marriage ended because of drugs. That story continues shortly. I got remarried to a man I loved with all of my heart. He treated my 2 kids like his own. Being the daddy they never knew. We found out we were pregnant excitement filled both of us. We had our baby girl. He still was amazing to me and all 3 children. January 1,2007 I lost him to suicide. Our baby was 6 months old. I dont know why. Out of loneliness I got remarried. Oh yeah things were great in the beginning. He spoiled me and all 3 kids. He put up a huge front...even studied to get his preacher licenses all at the same time of molesting my oldest daughter and I had no clue. Told her if she ever told he would kill all of us. Well he was in the military had been to multiple wars had training upon training on how to kill. So she was terrified and wouldn't tell. When she did DHR took my kids...I understand why...to get them away from him. I immediately divorced him. Did everything I was told to do to get them back. Within 2 weeks I divorced him got ALL of his belongings back to him. Still following the rules and DHR checked my home and knew he was gone had a copy of my divorce papers still in all they kept my babies for 14 weeks and I never knew why. I had to get the state involved and got them back. I stayed single concentrate on taking care of my kids working whatever job I had to to take care of them. Well this is where it goes back to my first marriage. After a ten year sentence in prison my first husband and I were reconciling. Even though we were a state apart we talked every day. When he got released his probation officer let him come stay with me for a month. We were trying to get him transferred to my state to where I already had him a job. He got denied the first time of moving. Was told to try 6 months later. That would have been December. In November he is murdered. I start dealing with that then my daughter has twins 14 weeks early. I couldnt touch them kiss them hold them nothing a Nana is supposed to do. They survived and are 20 months old now. Now at this time because of multiple health issues nothing major.but there were a few hospital stays I couldn't work. Now I'm about to lose my home. Christmas is here I have nothing to get for my family. I am working now at a good job but I got behind during my times in between jobs. So now I'm facing foreclosure on my home. I'm just a wasted space and really don't understand. People say we go through things to strengthen us....well it has finally broke me. I'm tired of fighting I'm just tired. If God is so loving then why do not only I go through hell but other good people too?
My faith is gone...dead....nonexistent - Anxiety and Depre...
My faith is gone...dead....nonexistent
I'm very young and haven't experienced nearly enough life to give any advice, but I am also very very religious and in times where I wanted to kill myself, I would find myself asking the same things. Why do bad things happen if there is a God? Why is He allowing me, and other people like me, to hurt this badly? But here's what I remind myself. God gave us free will. I full heartedly believe that He has a plan for us, and I believe everything we go through is part of that plan, but it doesn't mean He chose every little thing that happens to us. I think our plan is just a destination. That's what God has set in stone: Where we're going, not HOW we get there. The path we choose is up to us, that's the free will. He can try to send us signs or speak to us in a way only we can individually understand, but it's ultimately our decision HOW we get to that marvelous ending I know He has for all of us. Even if it is a tragic ending such as your late husband, and I am so deeply sorry for you loss, I believe that God's final destination for us all is Heaven. The God I believe in tries to help us in every way he can. No matter what we go through, just know He is blocking you from SO many other harmful things. He will NEVER put you through something you cannot handle. At times you may feel like you can't handle it, but you just have to try your best to remember that you can. You have had one hell of a life, but YOU ARE HERE!!! that in itself is a miracle, it's God at play!! I will be praying for you and your family, especially those little ones. Please don't give up your faith. I have seen God do things that should be impossible. "BUT GOD raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him" acts 2:24
Remember that phrase, "BUT GOD." So many miracles in this world go unexplained. BUT GOD makes it possible.
I feel the same as you. I have been a good faithful person my whole life. Did nothing but good my whole life...I am now 62. Something horrible happened to me a few years ago right before I retired and I am now facing mental illness. Was perfectly normal before all this....why did he allow this to happen to me? I will never know.
It’s all in gods plan .. you’ll see 
Hello Lilbit
How are you feeling now? Now that you've managed to get all that out?
What you have been through and are going through is horrendous - beyond description.
Have you told God how angry you are with Him? He can take it.
Hang on in there - God does Love you. You are Precious to Him.
You've come through all this. You have overcome and will continue to do so.
Never give up - rest a while. But never give up.
What help is there for you with your financial situation? Is there any organisation that can give you advice and moral support?
Have you tried contacting Christians Against Poverty (CAP) ? Surely they can help?
Please contact them and let's know how it goes.
Let's take this one stop at a time.
xxx
♡
You're working now in a good job - BIG positive. So - is there any way of getting some waiting time for due payments? Some breathing space.
Catching up on some sleep and rest too ?
Yes I have told Him time and time again. I have had times where I just break down in tears crying screaming asking Him why is it like this. I have asked for forgiveness for anything I've ever done. I have prayed without end. Just to feel I'm not heard. I listen for the quiet voice but never hear anything much less see anything change. I dont understand. If God loves me so much then why wont He help me? I just feel hopeless. No I don't feel any better because I still have to face the thought of losing my home. I have to face my children and grandchildren not having much of a Christmas. I still have to face going to my parents to ask for help which will show them I am a failure just as they thought. I dont feel any better getting it all out. I'm hurting on the inside. I dont understand why there always has to be something bad going on in my life. I dont even worry about the little things anymore I try to handle the big issues because they never seem to stop. All I can keep saying out loud and in my head and heart is why me?
But you have been forgiven - and there is no guilt or shame. Isn't that for us to believe? What wrong have you done ? You have been wronged.
Believing in ourselves, believing that we are forgiven and Loved, can't we move forward. Even if slowly? And one step at a time?
Have you tried contacting Christians Against Poverty?
If you could break this up into steps -
Might they be :
Keeping your home
Getting some rest and keeping your sanity
A Peaceful Christmas
Time with your family
PM me please. I want to talk to you
I have never been religious or enjoyed metaphysics. Like at all. In all senses I am an atheist, though I am not so opposed religious institutions. They are good social meeting places and I enjoy that churches have calm and relaxed atmosphere (which in case of depressive people is really great. Nothing bad can really happen in church, as the tradition is to not cause problem in there, so it's effectively ancient "safe space", only has proper reason to exist).
.
However think about this - at the very least LIFE exists.
Doesn't really matter how it originated, might as well be that lightning struck a puddle of dirt and accidental molecules started moving.
So WE perhaps, as life, are absolutely unique in the very unwelcoming and dead universe.
So at the very least we need to upkeep our duty of Life and keep exploring and developing, and trying to be the very best we can be.
Because life is constantly striving to grow everywhere. Trees trow higher. And humans, the current champions of life, even have gotten to outer space. That means our duty to colonize the galaxy has barely begun.
So faith or no, you still have duty towards the very common core of all living beings - to maximize the potential of yourself and others.
And that generally does not speak contrary to any religious doctrine. They also speak about being good, having morale, and developing yourself.
I will be Praying for you and your family i have Health issues multiple and due to it am now Hypochadria also lost total of 4 Babies 1 boy 1 Girl and 2 that where too small had so many complications after i gave birth to my Daughter after she was all ready dead and my son only lived 3 day's because he was a Preemie yet i don't understand his Plan i just Pray he helps me in this Journey called Life all this can Shake are Faith but then i remember that God is still in the throne over seeing all this crazy stuff also Jeremiah 29:11 which too me indeed is a Reminder.
So sorry for your loss of your four Beautiful and Precious children.
xxx
I am so sorry you have to go through what you have. My heart breaks for you. I wish I could just give you a big hug and just hold you. I wouldn't say everything is going to be ok. A lot of times that's a lie. I just want you to know that I hurt for you even though I don't know you. My kids and grandchildren are my rocks. I dont know what I would do without them. But I promise you I will hold each and everyone of them close for me and you. Noone should have to face what you have been through. I will think of you every time I hug one of my kids and grandchildren and hope you feel it. You deserve happiness if possible. I am so sorry this happened to you. My love seriously goes out to you.
This is such an interesting discussion — I was raised Catholic but as I’ve stumbled through a life of mental illness and physical pain any faith I had seems to have disappeared. I don’t understand how someone (me) can be hurt so deeply, how my prayers are ignored, I just don’t get it.
But - what about:
"Underneath are the everlasting arms " (Deuteronomy ch 33 v 27)
He knows.
We don't always get it but - He hears and sees . He listens to our prayers.
He knows.
Do we always play our part in His answers to our prayers ? I wonder. I know I'm not the most obedient Christian.
Procrastination, distraction . . . - big issues with me.
Sometimes we need to watch and pray. Sometimes - to let go and let be. Sometimes we have to put Faith in action and do.
Can be difficult, maybe that's why we need to pray for discernment. Then, drawing strength from the Lord - act. Get on with it.
I don’t think you’re a human if you don’t question your faith sometimes. I’ve even told God he sucks at what he does and I could do better. If you don’t want to believe then you don’t have to. No judgment darling.
The phrase about hard stuff making you stronger is bulls$$t. It breaks you. It breaks you down until you have nothing left. Life is long, hard, and miserable.
But, when you’re broken is when God can use you. You no longer need your strength. I won’t list my crap because it’s not a race but now I have no worries. I give it up. It’s all on God. If he brings it in my life it’s on him. He can deal with it. I’m free.
Mother Theresa doubted God.
As for you being tired you deserve it. Let things go. Rest your brain. Rest your body. You can come back when you’re ready.
My lupus, epilepsy, c-ptsd life asks you why not us? People in the Bible had chronic illness. They had death and destruction. Why not us? The big picture pretty much sucks.
However, we’re all here together. We can form a community who can love each other. We can be intentional family. Our bond can be strong and we can love. We can have today and tomorrow. Yesterday isn’t necessary. I was a different person yesterday. I’m willing to be a new person today. I’m willing.
Why not me for a better tomorrow?
Thank you so much for the advice. I do live each day to be better than I was the day before. I try so hard to find things to help me have a small bit of faith but when I find it something snatches it away. I just want to walk with my head down in shame and keep asking Christ do you really love me. I have told him not to even bother helping me. It didnt seem like he was going to anyway so why keep hoping? I just wake up everyday in a happy mood and I expect bad things to happen each and every day and if something good does happen I just tell God ok if this is from you thank you. If it's not I understand. I just dont understand how some people have to go through so much. I mean why? I know you cant answer that. And God doesn't want me to know so I guess I just have to be ok with that. I will just do what I think is best in a good and morally way and handle my own business because I have come to realize he is just too busy for me. That's ok I guess. It is what it is and that's life. Thanks again for the advice.
As Hitbyasegway rightly says, God gives us free will for better or for worse. So bad things happen in the world. But don't blame God for the crimes of mortals.
What would be the point of a world where nothing bad ever happens? God's plan is not to run a holiday camp for us to experience endless bliss.
These things are sent to try us. The purpose of life is the evolution to higher forms: we only become wiser, kinder and stronger through dealing with hardship.
Somebody who had what is called a Near Death Experience had the temerity to ask God this very question. "Why do you allow so much suffering in the world?" To which God replied: "There has to be pain because there is love." You work it out.
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