Almost Total Isolation

[Needhelp44]

Among my many problems, I have about been almost in total isolation every night for 9 years. I have social anxiety disorder, no friends , I do go to a health club, had a few dates, but overall can't get myself to get out after 5pm. Then the next day, my self esteem plummets further and further from lack of contact with any friends. I see pp on this who are so positive - I am afraid I have never been that way. Any suggestions are appreciated !

[BonnieSue]

Well, you can do what you've just done---reach out here!! That's a start! Online is better than not at all. You can have an online friend or 2 or 3. Then you might eventually branch out from there. The advantage of an online friend is that you can quickly discuss things you wouldn't discuss right away upon meeting someone in person. And you're in the comfort of your own home.

I think I must address your social anxiety. For your good. Anxiety that keeps you home is too much anxiety, right? And too much anxiety needs to be treated effectively. For that it seems you haven't been successfully treated which tells me you must take the next step. Have you tried medication for that anxiety? It seems to be time to beat that problem with the right med. That means get to the right doctor and get this thing controlled while still talking to me or anyone online of your choosing.

9 years is too too long to be chained to the indoors. You need a life!! You were not meant to be living alone and isolated. You're a social being and you need friends. You know? This may sound hard to do but you'll be so glad you did it! And you need to let the medication help you. This anxiety can be helped with medication. Really!! It's not all about willpower. And by the way, you need counseling, too. I promise, that's the last thing I'm going to bring up. There are 2 parts to getting treated for these type of problems and I'm no exception to these rules. I do it, too. Medication and counseling. Therapy and meds. You CAN have a life again. I am not making this up.

Ok, now let's just talk. I won't say anything more about what you should do, I'll just listen to you. What's up with you?

[Needhelp44 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you - you are certainly right and I appreciate you taking the time to write this.

[BonnieSue in reply to Needhelp44]

You're very welcome. What do you like to do when you're home in the evening?

[Needhelp44 in reply to BonnieSue]

I generally watch tv, read some times, and I think a lot- which is probably not the best thing. What is or was your field?

[BonnieSue in reply to Needhelp44]

Medical/Clinical Laboratory Technology.

[BonnieSue in reply to Needhelp44]

You are right, thinking a lot isn't so good. You need to be distracted from that.

[bekahwillislv88 in reply to Needhelp44]

I'm here if you wanna talk okay? God bless. My user is bekahwillislv88.

[cintx]

Good advice Bonnie. I just joined minutes ago . I too suffer from depression and anxiety. Isolate myself, meds and therapy for past 4 yes. Lost insurance and job needing to find free help in Houston.

[gogogirl in reply to cintx]

I understand about the job thing. Who wouldn't be depressed about that? What is your field? I know so many people are still going through job loss- it's really a crisis. I hope that you are able to get the help for your immediate needs.

[kinikia95 ADAA Volunteer]

Same. But you're better than me you go to the health club, you go on dates, you're on your way! You sound like you're on a positive path to me. Don't doubt the next day - why?. Keep doing what you're doing, you're on the right track. It sounds like you're doing everything right to move forward and I'm not even a positive person. Trust yourself!

[Needhelp44 in reply to kinikia95]

Thank you

[Ddorne]

Nerdshelp44, isolation is not good for anyone. Do you have a therapist? Talking to one would be a good start. And you're dating, that is connecting to people. Try and plan things to do everyday. I take medication, it's very helpful. But it isn't the only thing. Connecting is very necessary. God Bless

LD

[Needhelp44 in reply to Ddorne]

Thank you- I am on medication but don't feel it works- can I ask what med you are on?

[Ddorne in reply to Needhelp44]

I take 80 mg Prozac in the am and Nortripyline 40 mg at night. I also take klonapin 0.5 mg when needed. Talk to your psychiartrist about it.LD

[Needhelp44 in reply to Ddorne]

Thanks, I am on 20 Prozac, 150 Effexor, and 40 Mertazapine, I have been on numerous cocktails but not yours.

[gogogirl in reply to Needhelp44]

Are there people at the club you can maybe go for walks with? That could also be a start as well. It sounds like you are doing some nice stuff with your life.

[gogogirl]

That is great you go to a club. I am assuming you are on the younger side? At any rate thank you for your post and for sharing.

[gogogirl]

Getting outdoors now that it is Spring and just doing some yardwork , painting, whatever is needed can help- you need more than online, but at least you reached out. Would you like to even have a private "conversation" about what started and keeps up the isolation? Volunteering especially with the elders can be helpful also. They are generally so appreciative. Excuse all of the suggestions, but they are starting to work for me as well. Mine situation is different however. Enjoy the club.

[monica44]

HI BEING IN YOU HEAD CAUSES RUMINATION-SO PAINFUL-I HAVE SUFFERED FOR 6 YEAR SINCEI STOPPED WORKING 6 YEAR AGO-CALL ANY FRIEND-DO NOT ISOLATE-I AM MOST DEPRESSED WHEN I STAY AT HOME. I AM JUST ON VALIUM-BUT NEED TO BE ON AN ANTDEPRSSANT-DO NOT GIVE UP-WE ARE ALL HERE FOR A PURPOSE-GOD DOES NOT MAKE JUNK-HUGS TO YOU-

ANXIOUSINSANDIEGO

[bekahwillislv88]

NeedHelp44 -The best medicine is to stop it no matter how you feel otherwise things will get worse. Albert Einstein has said that "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". It is a good thing that you've reached out though. One thing for sure is that you're not alone...allot of people are out there too who're going through the exact same thing.

[Needhelp44 in reply to bekahwillislv88]

Hi, very well said- thanks

[Justswimming]

Well at least your talking to people here that's a step..we are real people. Maybe take a class at the gym or at local community college something you are interested in maybe cooking , photography, etc...then you can meet people in class..maybe you won't talk.the first class but eventually you will..I isolate myself and actually made 2 new friends this year..which for some people would be no big deal but I'm shy and don't trust most people..just take little steps .smile at someone and say thank you when they open the door..ask someone about the book they are reading at coffee shop etc..the more you do things like that the easier it will be to talk to people 😊

[pinkplasticball]

I’m so thankful for the internet when I come across people who feel the same as you, because it opens so many doors for them. Maybe not as a permanent solution, but somewhere to get support and advice in the meantime.

But like another commenter mentioned, the anxiety you are describing sounds like it’s a pretty substantial hinderance to your quality of life. My dad is on disability due to social anxiety and panic attacks, so I have a little experience at least on the outside looking in. I remember he couldn’t leave the house alone for years and years, and he had panic attacks and went to the ER all the time. It took so long of this and doctor visits for him to get approved for disability because he still couldn’t work.

I guess my point in sharing this is that, you don’t want to wait until it’s too late to get treatment. It’s been 9 long years you’ve been suffering with this debilitating illness . Have your symptoms gotten worse in this time or stayed the same?

I don’t know if my dads ever got worse, or if it was always really bad. But in any case, it would be so beneficial if you tried to just take the plunge and seek treatment, so you can get better. Therapy + meds would probably be extremely helpful, and you’d finally be able to get your life back.