Almost went through with it - Anxiety and Depre...

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Almost went through with it

PackerGirl
PackerGirl

I need someone to talk to and I trust all of you so ....

I’ve been homeless for a year now as a result of losing my job, car, house and 2 beautiful dogs due to the results of severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. I’d been staying with friends but I have to leave as the “home” is a business and I’m not insured nor will the board give me permission to stay there, understandably so.

So yesterday I had to leave and I went to a motel (I had a voucher for a free room). While there, I was minutes away from attempting to overdose. Literally minutes. But I didn’t. But now, I regret it.

I’m now staying with someone I met on the NextDoor app and I’ve been here all day. I’m scared, anxious, uneasy, unsettled but I have literally nowhere else to go. I can’t see myself living with this (very truly kind) but very, very messy, disorganized and clearly alcoholic person I don’t know.

I feel mad at myself that I didn’t go through with taking my life. I just can’t live like this anymore!! I don’t know what I’m hoping for here but I think I need to feel someone is out there and knows how I truly feel...

12 Replies
oldestnewest

I'm so sorry for all your loses. No one should have to go through what your going through. I truly hope you have something wonderful happen. You could use a freaken break. I know what its like to want to die. I hope you stick around. I whish I could give you more but all I have is some kind words. I know it's not much but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I was listening to a talk by Emma Slade (a former banker who became a Buddhist nun and now spends half her life in Bhutan). She spoke of a fundamental premise of Buddhism which is that we have an opportunity to live a precious human life. She said it was precious because human life was (1) very rare, (2) hard to keep and (3) filled with enormous potential. A little later I was listening to a podcast from George Thompson (an economics student who started to suffer from anxiety and depression when he left University). He spoke about his move to a monastery in the mountains of China where he is studying Tai Chi and the Dao. Buddha once said “What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create”. All our fears, feelings and thoughts are simply conceptions of our mind which create our reality. Let go of those conceptions and contemplate the preciousness of your human life and what you should do with your enormous potential.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way and it sounds like you've had to deal with some very challenging life circumstances. The pain can seem overwhelming sometimes and you've lost a lot this past year or so. I know that it can feel permanent, like things will never change, but they can. Whoever you are, I am sending you love from afar. I admire your strength and resilience and I'm rooting for you!

What you are going through sounds extremely difficult and I can relate to feeling like you've hit rock bottom and not knowing the point of all of it. But you did not give up and you haven't given up. That is a sign of real strength. Life is full of suffering, I will not deny that. But suffering also allows us to connect deeper within ourselves, to re-connect with the strength and life force that have always been within us. You are stronger than you think. I hope you see the strength that I see in you.

And this too shall pass. You just need to keep going a little more, day by day. And maybe today the step you took was the decision to not take your own life. I hope you choose to live so you can experience the joyful life that is still to come for you. I hope you know that there are many people who know and don't know that care about you. Sending much love your way.

Hidden
Hidden

Hello

I know exactly how you feel, I've been there. It was the lowest point in my life. There's an organisation called MIND, they are UK wide. They may help you. I feel how genuine you are. The loneliness & not having any security eats away at you constantly. Drugs only depress you even more, dont go there! I'll see who/what help is available for you asap, but I'm busy keeping my own life in order. So it wont be right away. But I'll see what i can find on the web for you this week.

I'll need a few details like...

Where are you now?

Your age?

Do you have any family?

I'll reply asap.

Be strong.

Keep fit, it will raise your spirits.

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to Hidden

The poster lives in USA and different rules apply in UK.

Hidden
Hidden

Also, since cv19 has been around the councils have to house the homeless. Go see them asap!!

While you have a roof over your head, try 211. I posted this on a previous thread.

If this will help, they are a legit resource.. The switch board call technicians are very good at what they do and will help put you in contact with free resources like housing, access to food, mental health services, etc. At least my nationwide branch deals one on one with the Homeless Coalition. I hope you’ll give them a call.

I’ll be thinking of you, please come back and post that you’re okay. 🌺💜

Do you have any family you could stay with at all? And do you at least receive money from disability? I can share with you some of my story. Three years ago I had an apartment with a section 8 voucher. I got into an argument with the landlord over some late fees for rent they wanted me to pay. It ended up they wouldn't renew my lease and I couldn't find anywhere else to move to, so I lost the voucher because you have to move within a certain time period. Then I lost my car in a bad car accident. I bounced around some crappy room and board places for 2 years. Now I'm living at my parents house, it's hard, but I am grateful that my mom is letting me be here, I do pay them something for rent. This experience has taught me how important it is to try to get and keep a job. Try to find somewhere you can settle in so that you're not constantly on the move. Try to get whatever services you can get. Then look for work and transportation. I know it can be really rough. You play the hand you were dealt the best you can. Don't give up hope that life can get better. I'm rooting for you.

Aw jeez. My heart goes out to you ♥️ I'd take you in if I could. I don't know what to say, I'm sorry for this, but I do want to say that I'm sure you are strong and can fight through all of this. Please don't hurt yourself 🖤 reach out to us. We can try to help...

I believe in you; so believe in yourself ✌️🙃 you can get through this bump in the road. Big bump, but I can do it!

I’m new to this network and doubted its usefulness. Yours is the first post I’ve gotten. Ironically being useful to others is the last handhold I’ve got on recovery.

I’ve got a lot of life experience. A few years ago , literally overnight I developed all symptoms of Major Depression. The type that is physiological. I have lost interest, motivation, joy of anticipation, all self interest. Meds don’t work. I had to walk away from a great career and friends I’ve had since childhood no longer want me around. I’d b homeless too but a rich friend needed a caretaker for a large amount of property he owns . It’s peaceful and interesting but being alone, in my head all the time, makes my symptoms worse. I know the feeling of hopelessness, despair, helplessly depending on others. I’ve considered quitting life before more shit storms come my way. Don’t do it cause it would leave a mess for others to sort out. I’m sure u know all the cliches pro and con. I would say hold on a little longer. Your post gives me the impression that your intellect is still intact. You don’t blame but accept ugly, unexpected consequences that seem to b no fault of your own. We expect life to benevolent and fair. Not hardly. You’ve taken the right steps to survive and thrive again. I know how it feels to do the responsible step that allegedly will lead to some relief, positive motivation and instead get kick in the ass. Socially we r in a rare period of world wide expected prosperity, comfort, freedom and equality,. The God’s want us to b happy, fat and like Santa satisfy our want of endless stuff . We’re not evolved enough for the radical changes of the last century. For most of human history life has been about not starving, forget nutrition. Basic shelter with no indoor plumbing., forget his and hers sinks in the bathroom. If a disease got loose, or a natural disaster wiped out homes, food, lives the King was not about to send FEMA or State Farm. I believe ur situation sucks but ur not terminal, still have a spark of hope , courage and curiosity to see how the rest of your story turns out. Be smart, careful, patient and stay the hell away from drugs and alcohol. Humanity is going to need tough compassionate people who know about life from hard experience.

Hidden
Hidden

As someone who attempted suicide multiple times, and did not succeed, please for you own sake, don't do it. I'm having alot of issues with my heart right now because one overdose from 2017 released something in my heart I forget the name of what it was, but anyways here I am actually appreciating my life now, and also have to accept that I've done irreparable damage, and could have shortened my life span from reacting to "feelings." I'm not saying how you're feeling and what you're going through is easy. It's not. I had to find reasons to NOT commit suicide every single day. What I'm saying is, feelings change. And I don't ever want anyone to be in the spot I'm in of having to accept the health issues you ultimately created for yourself. Please message me if you need to talk! ❤️

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