I have been looking for some time now for ways to overcome many years (and in some ways a lifetime) of loneliness, depression, and isolation.
I am currently 32. At the moment I am a caretaker for my father who had a stroke and I am working remotely to support us.
I have been a loner most of my life. There have been a few years that I can point to where I had a handful of good friends, and I am grateful for those times, but unfortunately it has been well over a decade since I've had any real human connections.
I have no other family to turn to, and so I feel extremely isolated. To be honest I don't know what to do.
I have social anxiety but I don't consider myself socially awkward. If I had to describe the way I handle social situations I would say: professionally. It gets the job done, but most of the time I leave interactions feeling hollow and empty, as if I just got up and performed a part of a theater play.
The real problem is that this has now all caught up to me. I know I can't go on alone, but I don't know how to make genuine relationships. The older I get the harder it is to even envision a group of people who would accept me.
I know I could hold myself up in most ways, but I've reached the end of me being able to be my own best friend. Books, movies, hiking, gardening; all the things I use to love mean nothing anymore. If it wasn't for the hard requirements of caretaking I don't think I'd even be able to get out of bed.
So I come hat in hand to you fine folks to ask for advice. Where do you go when you need real connection? Is it even possible for someone my age, who has so little social connections, to build a new life with meaning?
P.S. Apologies if I am not in the right forum. I have tried several other communities but they can be very toxic (think reddit). Regardless I wish everyone a happy and healthy life.
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_FieldOfDreams_
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Thank you for reaching out! you are NOT alone! i am here and willing and happy to listen *&* respond to anything you would like to talk about with someone, & offer support, encouragement, help if/whenever i can
i'm so sorry to hear that you struggle with this. i wish i had some helpful advice or something for you, but i really dont. i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone & you have someone here who is listening & cares. i wish you the very best and hope that you're able to find relief and solution(s) that work well for you
Thank you for the kind words. I understand that you don't have much advice for me, everyone's situation is different. May I ask what you do yourself to connect with people when you feel lonely?
well, sometimes i visit websites with discussion forums like this where i can post and interact with people online. another online "trick" i sometimes use is on my social media (Facebook), i'll post a really generic vague & /or cryptic message or question & it seems to draw (some) people's attention & curiosity, even random acquaintances, with whom i then have an opportunity to somewhat connect.
irl (i was actually just mentioning/ discussing this with another poster here recently), i like to visit my local public library or surprisingly shopping mall. Those are open semi- or sometimes-crowded places that dont require spending any money, where i can simply exist (walk or sit) in proximity to others and observe and have some opportunities to interact without any expectation or obligation to interact.
I will say in the few hours I've been here this is already one of the better forums I've been apart of. Just reading through some of the other threads and seeing people really support each other, instead of just yelling over each other, has made me feel a lot better.
I've kind of put off making any of the main social media accounts (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) because I don't have many connections and I think it'd be detrimental to my mental health to see the "0 friends" moniker on my page.
It is cool though to hear you've made connections on there by sort of waxing philosophical and posing questions. I think that goes to show that there are a lot of people out there who want to have more interesting discussions but don't necessarily have the avenues to.
I also totally get the library/shopping mall thing. For me it's Barnes & Nobles, I've always loved reading and the store feels like the one kind of shop left that caters to someone like me. I have an Amazon Kindle, but I find myself still gravitating to book stores because of what I'd call 'the vibes' I guess.
It can still be discouraging these days because you see a lot of other people with friends or family or significant others, and it can really put you in a headspace, but I do always put a smile on my face and try to be polite and courteous when I do have those minor public interactions.
I haven't been to the library lately but maybe I'll stop in. If anything else I can at least get to read a new book for free.
I’m around your age and struggle from agoraphobia which makes relationships and friendships hard. depending on what you’re feeling up to I’ve found a lot of great connections from online groups whether it’s playing games or watching movies at the same time and talking about them. Theres also a site called meetup where you can find groups that go hiking or book clubs or anything like that and you could go to one of those and see if it feels right. Libraries and community centers have a lot of group things where you could meet people as well. I’m also always open to chat
Thank you for the advice. I actually just signed up for a meetup account earlier today, but I'm having a bit of a hard time deciding on one group to try to meetup with. It seems like there are huge age gaps for a lot of the stuff that I'd be interested in, not that I'm opposed to hanging out with the 60+ range. I'll keep looking, I just need to hold myself accountable and actually go to one.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through similar problems and about your agoraphobia. May I ask what communities you enjoy online?
I game occasionally and I've tried to get in on the co-movie-watching thing (most recently with AMC's Shudder). I do have problems with these things feeling empty, but maybe if I could reach out more and make real connections I'd feel a bit better.
Do you have any tips for making friends on these online connections? Also have you tried meetup yourself? Do you have any tips for first timers to that sort of thing?
And thanks again for the kinds words and help. I already feel a little better from this site.
So what I did is I joined a Patreon of someone I watched on YouTube and have met some pretty amazing people on there from all over the world that I communicate daily with on discord. I also play dungeons and dragons through roll 20 and have made friends through there. I’ve never done an in person meet up but did a virtual book club which was nice cause if anything you could just leave but that also applies to in person. You can always leave if it’s not working or if you don’t feel comfortable. Maybe you pick one and say okay I’m going to go for ten minutes and then I can leave if I want to. Also sports watch parties can be fun but also overstimulating. I also found out recently that my library book club you can join by zoom or in person so I would probably join by zoom first and see if it’s for me and if I feel comfortable and then could change to in person if I did.
That's cool about the Patreon. I guess I should give discord another shot too, maybe try to find a community like that where there would be a large amount of active members.
I've actually heard of Roll20, but as much as I've always wanted to do D&D it seemed extremely intimidating to me with my social anxiety.
Would you say Roll20 is good for beginners? Was it easy to get into the groove of things once things got going?
I also agree with the advice on the meetups. Setting realistic goals and telling myself I can leave if it doesn't feel like a good fit. For me I think I need to go in person, it's just where I'm at right now, but I definitely will take your advice into account.
I’ve really enjoyed discord and then depending on the community I’m sure you could meet up with people in person too.
I would love to play dnd in person but could never find a group so my brother and I actually posted on roll 20 looking for other beginners and then someone to run the game and we’ve been playing for years now. The thing we found is you just have to be clear what you’re looking for like we want to play but aren’t showing up with accents wanting to do long monologues of role playing so we are more the people who say my character does this or says this but once you find the right people to play with it’s a lot of fun! Also roll 20 helps a lot with the math and rolling of things so that you can focus on learning more of the game mechanics which was helpful for me
This forum has become the 'one size fits all' group over the years... because it gets the most response, so your good. And your reaching out now by sharing here with others who can understand, because many here have gone through similar issues. Keep sharing and reading and commenting, and eventually you start making friends here too.
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Depression and loneliness
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Inside the mind of someone with major depression and anxiety
I've been feeling extremely lonely and I need ways to make new friends online. 
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