How to deal with isolation urges?

[magicmelanin323]

Hi everyone! I'm new here. My biggest issue right now is my depression. When I have an episode, my natural instinct is to isolate. My husband has dealt with depression in the past, and seeing me suffer has been a major trigger for him. We just started couples therapy, but just wanted to see if anyone had any advice. I feel ridiculously awkward between an episode and when I get back on my feet and am ready to communicate again. For those who avoid isolating from your significant other, how do you make things easier when you're communicating?

[Sunnidayz1]

Yes I understand that your natural instinct is to isolate. Many of us do that as if that will help us cope. It's a mind trick really bc being social is the medicine for depression. Yes it's true. We are social beings. As humans we need to be around people. The depression keeps us ashamed of ourselves. Think about your thoughts. You have the power to change them. Change them for the better. Force yourself to go out w friends. Make it a habit. And when u do it will become easier and easier. Start slow. For example: Im going out every Tuesday w Melissa or everyday Im going to call two of my friends to chat- whatever it may be. Form healthy social habits and stick w them. Good luck to you💛

Sunni☀️

[ArtCatsGreenBlue]

I was once in a relationship similar where my depression triggered my spouse's. So one thing that helped (or at least that I felt like it helped)... was using a green, yellow, red light signal as suggested by my couples councilor. When I knew I needed to isolate, I could simply say "red light" or flip an indicator to Red. If I felt depressed but did not feel the need to isolate, then I could be in "yellow light" mode (warning for him if he was sensitive). When not triggered to a depressive state, then it could stay green. For me the signals helped ... though that wasn't that relationship's only problem... as it takes two to make it work.

In my current relationship... I am simply able to say "I need some space right now." and I get as much space as I need until I reach out. Because sometimes a person needs to cry into their pillow to get the worst out before returning to face the world. Just always remember to return to face the world because staying isolated isn't healthy for anyone.

[magicmelanin323 in reply to ArtCatsGreenBlue]

Our therapist suggested a similar system, but I think that traffic light one seems simpler.

You're right. Isolating keeps us further apart. I isolated for a few hours last night, and it didn't do much good.

Thanks for the advice!

[EuroJoy]

It is ok to have some space until you settle your thoughts and mind. However, isolating yourself for any period of time is not necessarily healthy in a partnership. We try and resolve our issues before we go to bed (and often it is very HARD to resolve, yet we try) as we don't like going to bed with a bitter heart. When our emotions have calmed down a bit, then we ask each other what time we can meet to talk and then try and find a way that way. However, in periods of depression, I know it can be very hard. But whenever you feel up for it, please talk to someone - a counselor, a trusted friend and eventually your partner. I am afraid often when we isolate ourselves completely, we tend to hear voices that put us down further. Instead please try and be with people who uplift you and encourage you.

[Mrspjsmom]

I talk to my husband during the good times and the bad ones. He has never suffered from anxiety or depression but always listens and encourages me. Some days the most conversation I can manage is how was work? What would you like for dinner? Or telling him something the dog or cat did. But that connection is important and I need it as much as he does. Perhaps you could find something simple to ask your husband. Or even just be in the same room for awhile. Maybe watch a television show or movie.

[Jessicawarriner]

Hi guys

I have been on esctalapram for about 4 weeks now and I am getting a pain in my head like pins and needles and it’s ichy I went on sertraline and that gave me an eye issue eyes didn’t like the light as all so I changed to this and I have this head issue it’s weird to feel like this I just want to feel normal again but I feel like I have gone from an anxiety state to a painful stage the doctor said I need to stick wirh it but it’s all ok till they suffer I am a bright person but they make me feel down a bit I just want to get better not worse I feel like I go from one thing to another I keep feeling like I should be back on the medication that effected my eyes because it could have passed as was only on it for 5 days but it felt horrible but I don’t no what to do for the best the head pain only happeneds if I I have my head

[magicmelanin323 in reply to Jessicawarriner]

Hi Jessica! It looks like you may have replied to this post by accident. I suggest copying and pasting in a new post so more people can see your issue and be able to help you. I wish you the best of luck!