I'm a spouse of a husband with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I also have a step daughter with the same and an eating disorder. My mother in law lives with us and has the same anxiety with the addition of agoraphobia and OCD. My oldest son is ADHD and has ticks and picks at his scalp. This behavior comes and goes though.
I feel like I'm on an island of anxiety disorders and the deep waters that surround us may look frightening to everyone around me . I feel like I'm the only one willing to dive in an swim for help but, without a life saver I feel as if I will just sink to the bottom. I have been treading water and choking on the obstacles. Words like separation and divorce pop up in my thoughts because I feel as if I will never get my husband on board with counseling. He hasn't gotten my SD help and she needs it . His avoidance is attributed to his anxiety. I'm angry because as a step parent I can't legally take her to a therapist and her mother is not willing or has to co parent with me. I harbor negative feelings, guilt for feeling those feelings.
I've had depression on and off throughout my life. My mom is bipolar and we don't have a relationship today. My dad and I have a respectable and superficial relationship living in separate parts of the east coast. I don't have Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents or siblings to lean on.
Our finances are strained and housing situation is in a constant state of limbo due to the fact that we rent from my father n law who is not of sound mind. He is a very negative person who also suffers from bipolar behavior and hoarding . Is three adults and four children live in a three bedroom town house that has not central heating and air. There are plumbing problems, parts of the roof that leak and rotting windows that are drafty. Our rent is affordable. My husband is the main bread winner. I stay at home with our 2 month old and take the kids to school in the morning. My mom n law has health issues so having me home with her is helpful for her just as much as she is helpful to me with laundry and holding the baby for a time or two. We need more space.
I haven't a real grasp on budgeting our finances because my husband and I have spectate accounts . I pay a few bills in my name and he pays everything else. He gives me grocery money each week and I receive survivors benefits on behalf of my oldest son who's biological dad died three years ago. I am in no position to work outside the home. I was working up until a few months before the birth of our last child. I miss the money that gave me a feeling of more security .
Our sex life has always been mediocre and I attribute that to his sleep apnea and anxiety. He has white coat syndrome. Last year I helped him obtain and see a general doctor . That was a success! However when he went to have a sleep study done we canceled the appointment due to the cost . We sleep in separate rooms now mainly because of the baby but, if that wasn't a factor it would be solely because his snoring keeps me awake. I have fibromyalgia and tinitus . Sleep is essential for all humans . I'm sure the apnea does not help with his anxiety. Money is the only factor preventing a solution for that part of the problem.
Asking my husband to address his anxiety cause him anxiety. Asking him to discuss what we can do about our living situation gives him anxiety. Asking him for financial disclosure so we can figure out a budget and set goals for 1: getting into a better living space 2: paying off debt and 3: paying for therapy and doctor visits. Asking him to get our daughter started with therapy for her issues causes him anxiety. Asking him to help out with the kids as things that need to be done around the house gives him anxiety .
Help. How do I help us ? How do you lead a horse to water and not force him to drink ? I don't want to make him do anything and I'm not saying I want him to magically get better. There has to solutions.