Husband's anxiety is crippling to me

[MrsCry]

I'm a disabled mom of four with a fifth on the way. I have an autoimmune disorder and it knocks me off my feet most of the time. My husband has anxiety and has been out of work for two years now to stay home and take care of us. Problem is, his anxiety keeps him from actually doing much. The house is falling apart, the kids aren't well looked after, our finances are getting desperate, he goes to his friend's house literally every night using gas money we can't afford,but does it to work out with him to try and lose weight (he's concerningly obese) so I'm supposed to be ok with that, he can't bring himself to go to church which means I can't go, he can't stick with counseling because of panic attacks with going to therapy, and he doesn't routinely take his citalopram because it knocks him out. I feel so stuck because he does cook and provide supervision for the kids which are things I can't routinely do because of my health. I've tried limiting access to money to keep him from spending on gas we couldn't afford, threatened to kick him out of he didn't get treatment, threatened to leave if he didn't get treatment. Each time has brought 3 weeks of change. You could set your watch by it. I still love him. I still even like him most of the time. I just feel so neglected and trapped. I promised I'd stop threatening to kick him out when we fell pregnant with our last baby. I wish to high heaven I could think of some way to get him to help himself up out of a bad cycle of mental illness because right now I just really wish he wasn't him!

[kz1211]

I am so sorry to hear that. From what it sounds like, it seems as if it is just you two and your children in this scenario. Have you thought to bring other people to help out with things? Maybe a parent, a sibling, a friend, or another relative? It sounds like you are doing more than you can handle and trying to fix a problem that has several problems with it.. Communication is the most important part of this. Does he know EXACTLY how you feel about this and what specifics? Maybe try bringing other people into the picture too, to help with reinforcing him to want to change. Having multiple people that he cares about and values their opinions may be another little push for him to get better. Social support is always always always extremely important, esp in the healing and recovery process. Best of luck <3

[MrsCry in reply to kz1211]

We brought in family, housemates, even tried a poly relationship. In the end they all saw "fat & lazy" without taking into consideration the anxiety aspect and they'd get frustrated and give up. He knows how I feel and we have very open communication. He's tried for my sake to get help, but there was no internal drive so it didn't last long. Right now I have a caregiver who comes in a few times a week and helps keep the worst of the mess at bay, a housemate who does dishes, and another who helps with odd jobs, but the more he we get the less he sees the need for change/professional help. He just turns to his games or social endeavors (LARP, nights at friend's).

[ancrobertson]

As someone who suffers anxiety daily severe anxiety i understand him to an extent anxiety causes me fear weakness in my body stops me from wanting to go anywhere or do things at times for fear ill have an attack it makes feel weak shaky like i cant breath i might pass out all those thoughts and feelings come on me and its really a bad feeling i share this with you so maybe you umderstand him a bit its hard i know for me i struggle bad with it and put a real burden on my wife with mine cause i stop here from sleeping calling her at 1 am when i get off work so she can talk to me till i make it home and she have to be at work at 6 am and then i feel bad cause i burden her so much he plays games i watch cartoons as a way for me to not focus on my anxiety and im 33 best i can say just show him compassion and tell him you care as for you speak gods word over yourself who he says you are to strenghten you pray for you both. If you need someone to talk to 719-635-1111 thats andrew wommack prayerline i dont go to that church or listen to him honestly but i called many a prayerlines and this the best by far