Dealing with anxiety and PTSD in a relationship

[Vaakku]

I have been strugling with anxiety and depression my whole life. After I was raped at 16, I have had PTSD. I found it difficult to be in a good, healthy relationship, where my partner respects me and loves me for who I am. I have been cheated on many times and abused in past relationships.

Now I have found someone, who supports me, loves me deeply for who I am and our relationship is blooming: but I still fear that my anxiety and PTSD will mess things up. I have nightmares, panic attacks, fear and anxiety weekly.

I try to hide it from my partner, because I find it difficult to talk about and I fear that he will love me less if he knows about my dark thoughts and worries. I know my partner is faithful and loves me, but I still fear they will get bored, cheat and leave. If I share my fears (which are unreasonable, I'm aware), I'm afraid I will hurt his feelings and our relationship. But he knows something is going on.

What should I do? I apologize for the long story.

[tuffy33]

Pray about it. You have to overcome your past struggles and forgive that person for what he did. He had control issues...

[Ajax2734]

I think you should share your diagnosis with your partner. It is important for him to be aware and understands the symptoms of anxiety/depression/PTSD. If you are going to be together long time, it is likely you will have a "flare up" and it will be less shocking to him and he may be able to help you cope if he has background knowledge. If this drives him away then he is not "the one". If you choose to take this route, i recently gave my boyfriend a book called Lovin Someone with Anxiety. He has found it very helpful in understanding my anxiety. He has also attended a few therapy sessions with me. This may be something to look into down the road.

[SammiexRein21]

I am in the same situation. Worst feeling in the world. My personal opinion would be maybe writing down in a journal how your feeling and whats going through your mind, so you have some clarity. Do you see a councelor at all? I have no insurance and go through the county and its much more affordable. I would say that would bean excellent start as well. What i do to get my mind clear of all the worry is spend time with my doggies, work out, cook, play pool online, or go see some old friends. I want to say talk to him about whats going on but i dont want to make you feel like you HAVE TO, ya know? Plus im not a councelor. Lol. Just find yourself and work on what makes you happy so your mind is not obsessing or worrying. And as a woman, if he genuinely loves you and wants to be with you, flaws wont be a problem! i hope this helps a little!!

[Ah1232]

I understand your concern. Your partner seems to be understanding and nonjudgmental...I really think that you being honest will help your relationship. I feel this way because eventually how you feel will manifest in unhealthy ways. The anxiety you feel is totally understandable after experiencing trauma. I don't think his feelings will be hurt because these are your feelings and you are honoring them by talking about it to the man that does want to stay by you for who you are and support you. These fears really have nothing to do with him.

[Vaakku]

Thank you for your advise and kind words: I didn't expect so many answers. I used to see a therapist for 3 years and for depression and anxiety I was on medication for one year.

I quit the meds 1,5 year ago, because I felt they just made me numb and dull inside. I also quit around that time My therapy, because I felt I didn't have time for the meetings (being a fulltime student and working evenings + weekends) and I wasn't really helping anymore.

I think I will try to get the courage to talk with my partner. I hope he will still see me the same way and I won't hurt his feelings.