Always alone

Hi again,

I thought I had my depression undercontrol but it turns out I don't. When I need people the most they aren't there. All eeekend my housemates havent spoken to me much. The odd word or to ask something. And I can't take it any more. I've tried to include myself but when I do everything turns awkward. I feel so alone and unwanted by them. They're meant to be my friends but they act like I don't exist most of the time. I'm hurting really badly, and I'm just alone in my room crying while they're having a fun dinner together

[BonnieSue]

What a disappointment your roommates are!! I'm so sorry that they are acting this way! I am guessing that they don't know what to do or say. So if you tell them what to do or say they just may respond to you. For instance, if I were you I might say "I'm feeling really down today, but I'd like to join you because it makes me feel a little better to be out here instead of my room. Don't mind my tears, I can't stop all of them but I'm working on that." That sounds a little too long but I'm sure the roommates would listen to the whole thing because I'm the elephant in the room in this situation. And next I would try my best to lift my spirits, dry my tears and truly laugh when it's called for.

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

They acted like nothing happened when I had an axnety attack last week. It's very rare they see my cry. But I've been silently sobbing in my room for the last hour. While they've been laughing in the kitchen. I understand that they may not know what to do or what to say. No one does, but I can't deal with any more shitty days/nights like this

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

So what's the answer? You don't want to give them instructions so you can resume a place with them. You're rejecting them completely because they can't join you it seems. I doubt they know you've been crying while they laugh. They're probably ignoring your panic attack because polite people often ignore bad manners and other errors in behavior to allow the person to save face.

Since you can't deal with this anymore, what are you going to do right now?

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

I don't know what the answer is. To survive these next 10 weeks at uni in this house maybe? I'm scared of what they'll say or do. They know I have anxiety and depression. They're rejecting me, and ignoring me. I speak to them all the time but they plan things without me. They won't know they'll probably never know. Right now I'll sit in my room and try to watch TV to take my mind off things. Try and block out the laughing and conversation that I'm not included in. Then try to get some sleep. Though sleep will illude me tonight

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

That really stinks. How selfish and immature they are.

You say you can't deal with this anymore but you then say you will deal with this for 10 weeks so you're able to do more than you think you can. Not that it's what you want but what you are stuck with. And it really stinks!!!!

But you are no different than a lot of us who lose our so-called friends when we get anxious and depressed. Most of us do. Our "friends" don't know how to deal with us and they just disappear. But you are living in such close quarters that it's so much more obvious and in-your-face. The only good part is you can join a group meeting for depressed or anxious people and make new friends who already know about your type of problems and are your friend anyway. These friends become your friends who hold you up when you're down and vice versa.

Like I can help you now and maybe one day you'll be there for me.

Do you have anything to help you sleep? You can ask your doctor for something. Also you can try benadryl or the active ingredient. Why not call the office of your doc and ask for something to help you sleep tomorrow? Or stick with benadryl if you like it. Just be alert that if it stops working don't take it anymore. And, yeah, why not watch TV if you need to drown out their voices? You've just gotta get through this semester.

[Kobojunkie]

do you have a therapist or better yet a psychiatrist? Please go see one. You shouldn't depend so much on other people for your self-confidence. If you are depressed and also dealing with low self-esteem, best person to go talk to is your doctor. If possible get on the right meds, so you can start being more independent and not worrying whether people are talking to you or not talking to you. You should be strive to become confident in yourself as an individual and that is something your doctor can help you with.