Toxic relationship

[Wolfaera]

I've been in a toxic relationship for over 7 years. It's a lot of emotional "toxin" which gets better at times but more deadly each time it blows up. I know it's not healthy for me and adds to my already huge struggle with having MDD, GAD, etcetra. At one point I was able to quit this relationship for 6 months before my heart gave in. This relationship has a complicated history, I think everyone says that, lol. I struggle with wanting this person out of my life because of the heartache but I also struggle with the heartache of not having him in it and losing him. I truly love him and it's a feeling I have never experienced with another. I don't know how to walk away without my heart being in extreme pain. Each time we blow up, I do get a little more fed up with the cycle and more stern with myself and my feelings that I don't have to put up with it. I'm 41 and have faced many experiences, I just don't know how to quit this one and my brain checks out with him and my heart takes over. I know having very low self esteem doesn't help the issue. Feeling that I only want him doesn't help either.

[RyRywifey Ambassador]

You know what, in this day and age, you are too young to be taking yourself thru anything other than happiness. No one should be unhappy. I like to say, life is far too long to live unhappily. You really have to challenge yourself here, what truly makes YOU Happy. Imagine allowing yourself to be alone without him and free. Free to do whatever you please, date nice people and have a good time. Imagine making room in your life for a wonderful guy to come along and sweep you off of your feet, have a couple babies If you want, or travel across country with him if you want, whatever floats your boat. But whatever you do, be happy doing it. Because YOU DESERVE it. But you have to know and understand that you do before you can attract it to yourself. Happy holidays and I wish you a very beautiful and happy new beginning with no ending 😊

[Wolfaera in reply to RyRywifey]

Thank you 😊

[Hidden]

Sometimes having low self esteem can make us believe that we can't do any better than our present circumstances or situation, but this is not true, everyone deserves true happiness, not just now n then but all the time, I think you probably know the answer to this problem you have but your low self-esteem is preventing you from taking action and bettering yourself, you could consider counselling or support groups? it may give you the strength you need to change your life, xxx

[Wolfaera in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. It's nice to have support here 😊