The last few years have been bad when it comes to the holidays and my depression. Family has gone down in numbers, which makes me sad. People and their supposed "holiday" attitude frustrate and make me more sad. I often wish I could just fast forward thru the time. It gets old with crying a lot more and the extra amount of mental work it takes to keep myself up. I try to find positive holiday activities to help with the down and low funk I get into, such as, buying presents for people who can't afford them, doing an extra thing for others. I've gone so far as saying I don't need anything, please give a gift to the local toy drive instead, or give a blanket to a shelter. It makes me very sad to see all the selfish greed and the pushing and shoving in stores to get an item, it's gross. It definitely doesn't seem like a happy time as it maybe should be. Instead I'm reminded of loss of family, extreme sadness and more loneliness, and human ugliness and selfishness.