Growing up, my favorite tradition of Christmas was waking up early to open presents. This was usually around 5 or 6 am before breakfast. Before brushing teeth or hair. My sister and I would be so excited and tried to stay up late the night before to catch Santa dropping the gifts off at our place. Families have changed so our traditions have changed. Life has moved on and we're adults now with priorities surrounding finances, own families, and jobs.
I admit to being a scrooge around the holidays, especially Christmas. Instead of warmth, I just feel anxiety around this time. The expectation to celebrate in happiness and around family and friends also makes it hard. When I experience anxiety or depression, being alone often helps me be at ease. Worst thing is to put me in social situations where I may snap. Worst thing is when no one gets it and then I'm stuck looking like the ungrateful individual who doesn't want to join in on family functions.
This year, my family and I celebrated our christmas a week earlier. It was a bit chaotic and I was happier once everyone left. Then I get news that my brothers want to invite my mother and I over for brunch and the other for dinner on eve and christmas day. I've already had my share of the holiday. I did my part. The idea of having more than one holiday event is nuts to me. Add the anxiety of holidays plus my inability to say no and it's the perfect combination of pure misery.