Depression... long post

[Hope91]

First time seeking support outside of my family: 27 year old female suffering from depression and anxiety. I've known of my 'illness' for some time now and I haven't felt this way in over a year. I can't get myself out of this fog. I've been feeling this feeling for about a month? Praying it wouldn't come down to this..... dark place... this feeling of being alone and sad, but it has. Taking a leave of absence from work because I just can't get myself to get up every day and face the world to just continue to be miserable. The thought of having to deal with the world, makes me feel like I can't breathe.. The feeling like if I step outside my door, I will let everyone down. The feeling of loss, sadness, anger and just feeling worthless... it's overwhelming, it's scary. This... this feeling is hard.

I have a wonderful support group, yes, but it's not enough. The love and compassion they all have for me is unreal, but in my mind..... it doesn't do anything. I never feel good enough, for anyone or anything. Though I am doing exactly what I should be and how I should be. This last month, has broken me to a low, low place. Will I ever just be normal? Will I be able to get up every day and be the person I wish to be?? Maybe one day, but today... today is not that day.

[Hidden]

Keep the hope that one day you will be the person you wish to be..

[FightorFlight11]

I can sympathize. I often feel like I'm not good enough for the important people in my life. Lots of self-loathing. I am trying to learn to love myself, but when you haven't for so long it becomes ingrained in you, but I am sure those who love and care for you feel that you are an amazing person. Try and work on feeling that way about yourself.

[Hope91 in reply to FightorFlight11]

Thank you FightorFlight11, you're right, you must love yourself before anything and I do think I struggle with that. Thank you for the kind words.

[Sillysausage234]

Hello ,are you on meds?sounds like your drowning and need a lift up have you seen a doctor? Ps I’m sure your not worthless to people close to you.

[Hope91 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Going to see a dr probably get back on my medication

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Hope91]

That’s positive and well done hope you feel worth something again soon.

[Hope91 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank you Alan234, me too...

[Hidden]

Their is hope. I was agoraphobic for fourteen years. I never thought I would be able to leave the house. I had to use self help books. It took time but I was able to overcome my panic disorder. Don’t get discouraged keep trying. Your hard work will pay off.

[Hope91 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Here_am_I!

[Tkay93]

It’s like your in my head. I feel your pain and understand it. It’s so hard, I never thought I could find someone who feels the way I do, %100. It’s been a year since I’ve even been in that dark place, but now I can slowly feel myself slipping backwards. I don’t know if it will ever get better, yes medication helps but if doesn’t stop the ups and downs. Some days will be worse then others, and some will feel so good and so happy that it makes you wish it will last for ever. There is no Real normal, only your own normal, getting to a place of self worth is hard and long and it’s never going to end. But if you focus on those good days, remember them, you’ll know that it’s possible to feel that way again. That it’s possible for you to be happy. I try to hold on to that, make it drive me. I can never except support and love from others because I don’t think I’m worth it, that they are just doing and saying things because they think they have to. But if that’s true (and hopefully it’s not) I know those are all things that I can give myself, I just have to work for it. You can love yourself and that will make you feel the best and happiest in the world. I haven’t gotten there yet but I do know if I keep going I can get there, and I know you can to. God I feel your pain so so much. I’ve made it this far and I know you can to, it’s possible please keep reminding yourself that.

[Hope91 in reply to Tkay93]

This truly is a very hard thing to overcome and maybe it will never go away, but we can try! Stay strong together! Thank you for reaching out♡

[morenews]

Giving you a hug...you are going thru a difficult time, probably you do need medication to help you out at the moment...to give you strength to build up on that later on. There is hope and there is better time ahead of you.

[Hope91 in reply to morenews]

Thank you so much!

[Hidden]

What Happened? Plz explain