Sorry for the woah me post. You all know my background. It took me such a long time to get diagnosed and I felt even then I had to bully my GP into giving me thyroxine.
I went through a trauma 4 years ago, I was attacked by my brother. As a result I had horrific anxiety and agoraphobia. The stress was awful for a few years after as my mother and sisters made my life hell for not forgiving my brother. I cut them out and slowly my anxiety and stress improved. Then last summer I had fatigue, I was tiring really easy and found the summer holidays exhausting, I'd have to rest every afternoon. My GP ran some bloods, my TSH was 5.35 (0.35-5.5) FT4 11 (7-17) B12 212 (150-700 i think) and ferritin 15 (has been low for a decade). My GP said all was fine but I needed to start iron tablets again. I questioned the thyroid and he dismissed it saying it wasn't anywhere near borderline and to stop looking for problems. He said my fatigue was likely ferritin related.
Leading up to the winter I had some kind of breakdown, my son was being terribly bullied in school and he was suicidal and a wreck. He didn't want to go to school, begged me not to leave him there every day, it was hell. It took it's toll on me and I broke down with stress. I was bed ridden with sheer weakness, I couldn't walk I was so dizzy like I was walking on a boat. I had the worst fatigue. I couldn't go and do anything or I'd have huge energy crashes. Life was so hard. I was ill all over the winter. My GP came out to see me and diagnosed stress caused by another trauma seeing my son suffering. He wanted to increase my anti depressants I am still on for what happened 4 years ago but I refused. He came back a few weeks later and ran some blood tests. Nothing really flagged up. He put it all down to stress and anxiety.
In January I went private with Blue Horizon, TSH was 6.5 (02.-4.2) FT4 14.7 (12-22) FT3 5.8 (range I think 3-6.8) Antibodies normal. I sent them to my GP and he said that I was subclinical hypotyroid and we would test every 2 months. By March the TSH was up to 7.5 and Ft4 15.8 (this had risen strangely). May TSH 9.28 and Ft4 15.7 ish. When I called my GP with the new results he still wanted me to wait until the TSH hit 10, I refused and broke down crying that I was so ill I needed my life back as I was a 37 year old mother who needed to be well for her kids. I told him I was having energy crashes, he said it sounded similar to CFS/ME or it could 'just be your mood, how we feel can effect our energy levels' Argh I was frustrated he was trying to say I had depression. I demanded he treated me as he had promised he would this time no matter what, he agreed and we started 25mg of levo.
In July the test was promising as it showed my TSH had come down to 6.8 and FT4 was up to 17 ish. We stayed at 25mg (my choice I was silly, he did offer 50mg) and by August I was ill again with huge energy crashes, weak thighs and feeling so ill I'd end up in bed at least 1 day a week. My GP came out to see me, first time in 8 months and he said it could be viral. I said no it will be that I need my thyroid testing again. He then left me a blood form to check FBC, feritin, b12, blood film, EBV, antinuclear antibodies, hba1c, liver, kinase something.... I still haven't got them done as I had a HUGE panic attack in the nurses room last September during a blood test and I can't bring myself to go back, my GP will come to the house but I have a huge fear of a panic attack infront of him or fainting as I panicked so bad in the nurses room I felt I'd faint, it's developed into a phobia and so far a month on from getting the blood form I've not arranged to get them done. I had my FBC, liver, hba1c etc checked in December and all were fine. I know i have to get it done and will in time. I just have awful anxiety and agoraphobia again since being poorly that I find things hard.~
Anyway, I had bloods done in September and it showed my TSH had gone back up to almost 8 and FT4 had dipped to 16. GP upped meds to 50mg. I am due a test in 10 days time to see if the TSH has come down on the 50mg. I will be having a full test with FT4 and FT3.
I just daily still feel so drained. I wake up daily like I haven't slept, heavy dizzy eyes that ease off around lunchtime. A heavy drained tired body all day. I just generally feel blurgh. Not ill like a flu, no pain but a general lethargy. On top it's brought back my agoraphobia and anxiety, even social anxiety now. A phobia of blood tests incase i faint?? something I never feared before and I had blood tests regular fine, I'd even go alone. I am doing more than I was, I can now clean, I rarely need a day in bed. I probably have 1 or 2 days a month I need a full day of rest. Other than that daily I just feel a chronic lethargy and I often get weakness feeling in my thighs which for me is a warning I need to slow down and rest for the rest of the day. I have heavy dizzy eyes every morning lately which does ease off as the afternoon goes on. A walking on a boat feeling I have daily, eye floaters, cold feet recently and cold has never been a big issue for me throughout this, weight gain since on thyroxine (gained 9lbs since May and I gained nothing prior to this), unable to lose the weight I've gained on thyroxine..... Is this all pretty typical thyroid? I am just so worried when I do have the blood tests done my GP wants doing that he will find something else wrong with me and maybe part of me is terrified of that 
I feel he is always wanting to poke and prod me. Right now maybe I am being irresponsible as a mother not getting those bloods done, yet I always have my thyroid ones that i do myself at home. It's just a huge phobia and I am exhausted from tests and worry about my health. I am scared because I still feel so fatigued and tired it will be more than just my thyroid being underactive
Having anxiety again and agoraphobia is tough, it returned after the panic in the nurses room last September but then got worse once the dizziness started and weakness over the winter. I have become a bit of a recluse. I have gone back to CBT and having some help to accept my ill health and work on the anxiety it's caused. I dont' have panic attacks but it's a general worry about my health, fears of blood tests, social anxiety and I don't go out alone but with hubby now I do go out to shops, days out etc... I did these throughout my illness the last year but had to pace myself as I kept crashing if I did too much. My friends and family say I seem much better but I still feel so tired and no life in me daily I worry. My GP just blames anxiety, says I might have depression or wants to poke and prod and test for more things. He never seems to blame thyroid for any of it. Hence my anxiety.
I look awful. I am 37, 5ft tall and 123lbs. I have under my chin a double chin kind of look and I am not even a large woman. puffy face around the jawline too. Suddenly have bags under my eyes slightly and some wrinkles I never had before. I am going grey, lost the outer third of my eyebrows pretty much and now the weight gain since on thyroxine. I do not look good lol! So I have lost a lot of confidence in myself and beat myself up daily for how i look and what I weigh. I also worry I am letting my children down being ill and now having some anxiety again even though I hide the anxiety well and force myself to go places to make them happy as I want them to live a happy life. We went on holiday to a caravan park this summer despite my ill health as I want the best for my children.
I did some reading and even bought the Medical Medium book and he said that hypothyroidism is caused by Epstein Barr virus. I googled it and it said it can happen and that a vegan diet rich in fruit and veg can cure it. Is this a load of old tosh? lol!
Sorry this got long and sorry it's a pitiful post but I needed to get out how I am feeling as my head feels it will explode with all my worries.
Julie
Is it normal to feel like this? Sorry to post again
Will I ever feel normal again!
