Long Journey

[MJCA]

Hey Guys,

I don’t post on here often and I’m afraid this will be a long post. I have had PCa over 18 years. Started with casodex, Lupron. A few months later, brachytherapy then 42 sessions of EBRT. Over the years PSA would rise, and I would be put on Lupron for 18-24 months. In 2017, PSA started rising fast. Brought an MO into the mix. I was placed on Lupron, Xgeva and Erleada (apalutamide). That worked for 5.5 years until we figured out Erleada was making me dizzy.

Tried Zytiga, S/E were too much. My Dad passed 5/22. One month later had my first PSMA PET. Found out I had mets to my bones. I freaked out. Had Provenge. Tried getting onto a clinical trial; I had to cease taking a med that was crucial to my wellbeing. Next up, in 2023, I was hoping to start to do a lot of travel, instead I had 8 rounds of docetaxel. The S/E were not fun. Chemo failed. A new PSMA PET indicated mets to more bones and lymph nodes; PSA was rising quickly. I started Pluvicto a couple of weeks ago. The S/E are bad. In a short time, my PSA dropped from 30 to 23; it’s promising.

I’m tired, lonely and scared at times. No partner, parents or siblings. All my first cousins are on the East Coast , I’m in California. Most good friends have moved away. Own my house with a distant cousin (who is somewhere on the spectrum) and his partner. We live separate lives. The other day I had to go to the ER, I drove myself. My parents left me comfortable, but I can’t do anything. I do see a therapist weekly. But, lately I am wondering - what’s the point? If the meds were extending my life so I could enjoy it - that would be great. But, I am NOT enjoying life. I do belong to some online support groups, lately I just don’t care to hear the problems of other people. I just needed a forum to vent. Thanks for reading.

[Tall_Allen]

My heart goes out to you, and I wish I could help, but I think everyone has to find his own purpose. Most people find community and purpose in religion, but that isn't for everyone. Art, crafts, music, yoga, philosophy, politics, entheogens, extension courses, getting an older dog from a shelter - whatever floats your boat.

[MJCA in reply to Tall_Allen]

Thanks Allen. You’re right. That’s the thing. I don’t know what strikes my fancy!!

[Tall_Allen in reply to MJCA]

Last week, I went to a city shelter looking for a rescue dog for a friend who has Parkinson's. He needed a somewhat sedentary dog who won't pull him when they walked, and will get along with the cat next door. He was also looking for an older dog who won't outlive him. Most dogs were too frisky. They had a lot of huskies, which can be hard to train. I found one that meets the requirements, so I have to bring my friend next time to assure they are a match.

[MJCA]

I do have pets. There are 4 cats in the house. It sucks being on Pluvicto I have to keep away from them for 3 days - they don’t understand.

[EdinBmore]

A very rough road indeed. And, no, I don't have any answers for you; wish I did. Looking in that mirror, rationally thinking about what's next, and all the related "what ifs" is scary shit. Particularly so, if you're beginning to think that you're at the end of the line with options. And, yes, sometimes we just gotta vent and we're not interested in anyone else's issues. Know THAT! Hope you've got someone you can confide in, man. It can be one fucking lonely time.

EdinBaltimore

[Willie51]

so sorry to here this