Stop Smoking
This is my daily update on my decision to stop smoking, and my subsequent
experiences. I had smoked for around fifty years. Before my recent decision to stop, I
had been resigned to smoking for the rest of my life. The reasoning behind that
stems from two bad experiences I suffered after taking 'stop smoking' tablets. The
first time being when I took the prescription drug 'Zyban'. The tablets had horrible
side effects and made me feel so irritable that I became afraid I might go crazy.
However, the Royal College of Physicians’ 2000 report on nicotine addiction states that
'Cigarettes are highly efficient nicotine delivery devices and are as addictive as drugs
such as heroin or cocaine.' I've seen heroin addicts in city streets. I've watched
documentaries on the TV about them. Every TV program portrays a negative impact
on the individual, and I've never seen one which has a good ending. And here I am,
as addicted to nicotine as a junky is addicted to heroin. Am I going to allow this
invisible Lung Dragon to take me early? Can I stay the course? We shall see.
At the time of quitting I began to write my experiences down. They only cover the first couple of weeks but now I have been free of the Lung Dragon for over a year I
am posting my thoughts in the hope they might help others.
Day 1. Stop smoking day, 2nd May 2016. The time is 1426.
Dave handed me the takeaway Latte. 'There you go John.' We were stood under the blue sky and sunshine outside McDonalds on Cottingham Road in Hull.
'Thanks mate.' I sucked on my cigarette then puffed out a cloud. 'This is my last cigarette Dave. You're witnessing a historical moment in my life.' A broken stream of smoke followed my words.
Dave had never smoked. 'Wow, good for you John.'
A few minutes later I extinguished the cigarette in the ash can. My lighter went into the bin beneath. I already felt better. Some say how the first 24 hours can be the most difficult. But for me there was no doubt that I could make that first goal.
Day 2. No worries.
The clock ticked closer to lunchtime. At this point I had no concerns that I wouldn't last 24 hours. Yet I needed the reward of reaching my first goal, it would be one of the important events in my life. That's what nicotine does to you. The clock showed 1426, I had made my first goal. "Hey," I said to my beautiful dog Mishka. "It was a breeze." (The pic on my profile is Mishka) Then the real battle started. I knew it would be a long and hard battle. The lung dragon would have to be fought and chased from my body. I had already decided that I would fight the dark destroyer without changing too much of my lifestyle. The clinging claws of the monster would not be allowed to stop me doing whatever I wished.
Day 3. 0410. Withdrawal symptoms begin.
The dragon sends out its helper demons to keep me from sleeping. I don't know how to fight them and the battle to keep my eyes closed is lost. My clock shows 0436 when I stop tossing and turning to throw the duvet off and swing sideways to put my feet on the cold white painted wooden floor. 'Crap,' I say, and Mishka, laid on the blanket at the end of the bed, lifts her head. Her dark eyes glint in the dim half light. I reach down to the heap of clothes. I can never be bothered to hang stuff up. I just get undressed and drop clothes on the floor, one of the perks of being single. Mishka never moans no matter how big my misdemeanours. My jeans and T-Shirt are on in seconds, and I feel my way downstairs. I fall asleep on the recliner whilst watching a taped war documentary. The rest of the day passed in a tired blur of confusion and craving. But the evil dragon didn't win.
Day 4. Champix side effects begin.
The recommended dose of Champix is 2mg per day. My plan had always been to cut the dosage. I timed it about right because I would have a weird dream that night. Instead of the 1mg tablet twice a day, (one in the morning and one around tea time for me) I changed to one tablet around lunchtime. Now I would need twice the willpower. But the lesser side effects of the tablets (I hoped) would be worth the trade off. The cravings today were no big deal. I felt good about that, the phrase 'false sense of security' is relevant here.
Day 5. Just one drag can't hurt, can it?
Another battle starts today, that (just one won't hurt) feeling. The lung dragon has many different helpers in its army. Every now and then at random the dragon sends out its dopamine demons to attack on a different front. They are related to the craving demons. These demons remind you of the wonderful effects of a dopamine release in your brain when you eat something sweet for example. They know it's one of the easiest ways to get you back onto the path of darkness. The craving demons quickly follow, urging you to have a smoke. If you take in just one hit of nicotine, these demons must roll around in ecstasy because you're back to square one. You're hooked on drugs again. All the hard work you put in, whether for one hour, one week or one year is potentially wasted. It's possible to overcome and not have another cigarette, however, it's not as easy as you might imagine. Nicotine is an extremely powerful drug and can pull you back to the dark side very quickly. They expect the unwary to have little or no knowledge of that. Previous experience of quitting helps me to win the battle for now. The knowledge gained from my long years on this planet is a strong weapon and stops me from giving in to the sneaky backstabbers.
Day 6. More pressure.
Maybe I quit at the wrong time. I have the added pressure of three exams, one essay and my facts to art assignment to complete, all inside the next couple of weeks. Tap-tap-tap, my laptop might overheat if I hit the keys any faster. Then again, if I fight through despite the added pressure, coping with quitting during the normal pressures of life should be no problem.
'Yeah right,' says the know it all voice in my head.
I enjoy the learning at university whilst cursing the damn assignments because they all come at once. Oh for a smoke. 'Mishka, give me a cuddle.' She ignored me.
Day 7. Evening.
Having a cuppa in the kitchen. Paul, my son is having a smoke. The hospital grade air filtration unit on the worktop nullifies most of the smoke. The smell seems divine. But it's not the smell really. I'm taking in second hand smoke and enjoying the mild hit. I fought through the insecurity and anxiety which came and went like the waves on a beach. Well, so be it, people smoke and I need to learn to live with it.
Day 8. Possessed.
The awful being which had invaded my mind and body in my sleep must have had a heavy night out drinking. That is the only reason I could think of which would have given me the symptoms I woke up with at 0700 today. But I don't drink heavily. The three small beers I had the previous night wouldn't give even a mild hangover. I know it's one of the withdrawal or drug symptoms, which one? I don't really care. I just felt bloody horrible.
Day 9. Still Possessed and more depressed.
Life's problems must have had a board meeting and voted on working together with a full frontal attack. Woe is me times three. Slap myself in the face. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Kill the bastard that's possessing me. I will. I am determined. It won't bloody win. You can make me feel like crap, but guess what, I've beaten worse than you. I will awaken in the morning feeling good, so eat that mofo.
Day 10. Only half Possessed but still depressed.
At least some of the demons have taken a holiday. But the directors of life's problems are insistent on telling me I should pick up a smoke.
'Sod off and leave me alone,' I say and Mishka lifts her head to cock it sideways twice before she resumes snoring.
Sorry but I only documented the first few days because I had my uni assignments to complete too.
Over twelve months later now and I have not had a single drag. Keep the faith all you quitters, it DOES get easier.
Good Luck, John.
I'm scared I'll start smoking when I have a drink 
Life after 1/2 a year Champix
Still here. . Still tired
After 1 year no more digging!!