Lil intro and journey

[Thegamer03]

Hi all names k I'm 19, I have various mh and physcial health issues and some learning disabilities.

I joined in hopes to just help/find support through others who have better understanding and may relate and share ways we may have learned to help our ocd.

I was diagnosed with ocd rather young around age 5-6 but it wasn't too bad and my family could cope with it but as I got older around age 11 is when it got worse and I was ment to receive support through camhs however because of my other mh struggles and some more significant things it got pushed aside and never been helped with. I been in the care system since I was 5 then around 12/13 went home then due to some difficulties had to have restbite ect as my mams a single parent of 4 kids all with additional needs and mh struggles, then at 15 got put back into the care system fully due to my mh struggles becoming worse and impacting my family and siblings more my mam couldn't cope and so it was easier to just get me out as I clearly needed more support but she couldn't provide it for all of us (youngest 2 are twins now 17 and my eldest sibling is 27 but lives at home because of his additional needs dispite he did move out at 18 got married and had his own place 2yrs later his wife was caught sleeping with his best mate and due to his other needs effected him majorly and he has returned home and been there since) I then after being kicked out got moved so many times and the incidents became worse and more life threatening thankfully over past year nearly 2yrs things have improved and I have been moved twice in that time now nearly 6 months into my current placement which has been amazing.

The issues with it all and my ocd is because most my placements were shared and with other people my ocd got worse and is probs the worst it has ever been now, I have a bit of a mix of ocd that is believed to be trauma related so one is germs but it effects me where no one can touch any of my things and if they due results in major meltdown and distress I also have to have my own dishes ect to eat off hower are okay with using the pots and pans everyone else uses but I need to wash them myself throughly before I can use them, however so things like my stuff in my room or my phone or bag ect as long as the person asks me if they can move/touch it I'm somewhat okay like it does cause me to sometimes have a panic attack and I then move it or if showing them somthing on my phone if I give them my phone no doubt are my thoughts racing but if I trust them enough I can do it but only for a few mins nothing long because it becomes too anxiety enduring.

I also have ocd around washing I have to shower with crocs on/somthing on my feet as can't cope with the thought others have walked or stood there and unless in my own bedroom is where I dont have to wear anything on my feet but past the door I have to and anyone who comes in my room (eg staff checking on me ect) they have to keep shoes on and or socks, I have certain routines/checking processes I have to do before I sleep and it had to be done 8 times between midnight and 3am or somthing bad will happen.

I get daily thoughts of haveing to do a certain thing or somthing will happen to someone I care about or myself.

I think though what's gotten worst and effects me the worst is my intrusive thoughts (I belive its called pure o my phyciatrist said a few years back) and I don't talk of them or let anyone know of them due to the extent of them sometimes and how it effects me like it eats me up inside and can effect me to the point of wanting to unalive as I feel vile and horrible about them and they scare me.

[LuvSun]

Welcome! Thanks for your story- we all can relate to you on the forum so you have joined a great group. Just knowing there are others ( and a lot!) that suffer what we do has helped me tremendously. We are here for you.😊

[Sallyskins]

The care system is traumatic for any child - I'm not surprised that you have problems. Many kids growing up in the care system do - partly because their emotional needs aren't being met. They need a little love.

There is help out there for you. Contamination issues are difficult, I know, but they can be overcome. Make a list of the contamination problems you have - eating off your own plates, wearing crocs in the shower, not letting people touch your stuff etc. Then rate them according to how hard it would be for you to go against them, with 10 being the hardest and 1 the easiest (I know none of them are easy!) Then tackle the easiest, preferably with the help of a CBT therapist.

Go at your own pace - don't let anyone, including the therapist, make you do anything that you find too hard. But make it hard enough so you feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Don't think about feeling uncomfortable - just do other things, like gaming or listening to music. The feelings do subside if you let them.

I had a ritual I felt I had to carry out each day - this started when I was about 10 and went on for a couple of years. It involved counting and tapping parts of my body in a systematic way. I found it a real pain to do. So gradually I cut it down, making my ritual simpler and easier to do. First of all I managed to get rid of the tapping, then I cut down the counting, until I was free from it. Perhaps this method could help you.

It might be good for you to get a self help book about OCD, aimed at teenagers and young people - there are quite a few available. A couple of titles are The OCD Workbook for Teens and Stand Up to OCD: A CBT self help guide and workbook for teens.

Here's a link to these and some others you may find helpful:

ocduk.org/product-tag/book-...

[Thegamer03 in reply to Sallyskins]

Tysm I will defo check them out cuz some the incidents that have gotten me kicked out placements was cuz someone touched somthing of mines ect which then yh hell broke loose and they just go nope can't ba having that but it's like if it's in my own cupboard and labeled as mines why are people goin in there there is no reason too and then that and me being like why tf ppl doing it though after I used my stuff I wash it up and put it straight in there and people have gone in my cupboard and used the stuff dispite clearly labelled, kays stuff dont touch or use as a massive a4 sign on paper like it couldn't be clearer then they kick me out for issues when it's them and the yo dispite me raising the issue they get away with it?

[Sallyskins in reply to Thegamer03]

Of course it's natural you don't want people messing with your stuff, but being so protective of your things, and kicking off if someone touches them, is typical OCD behaviour.

But I agree - if it's in your cupboard, then other people should not be going in there, and if it's clearly labelled as yours, other people shouldn't touch it.

Make sure that where you are living understands that you have OCD, and that other people living there also do. Then they should be more sympathetic.

Many people have difficulty in understanding OCD, or making allowances for the extreme reactions we often have to things that make our OCD kick in. It might help to explain to people how greatly it upsets you - tell them that you know it doesn't make sense, but that OCD is like that!

[Thegamer03 in reply to Sallyskins]

Yeah I do and there is someone there who has been loving there longer then me and he has ocd germs related but I said more extreme then mines in certain ways as he wont use the pots and pans that others use and like 20 times a day will spend it in the bathroom scrubbing his hands I think the longest staff have timed him being in there was just under 2hrs, but he also has his own cubored and its not labeled however no one has well since me being there even done anything like they have to me and my stuff and it's like we both have it we both struggle in similar ways his reactions ain't as bad as mines though he does get upset and shout ect (I was told this by some the staff that I can't use this cubored or go in it cuz the other resident has ocd and can get very upset by it, I said same so no issues there, what happens when someone does use it cuz maybe we could talk about how we both struggle, react and cope? They said he gets very emotional and will yell but take himself away and clam down) for me I not only have gotten upset and yelled but when taken myself off as I struggle massively with regulation in my room I will become even more distress to the point of doing self harming behaviours and hurting myself as well as in the past coped so badley I left the property and tried goin for a walk to calm myself but couldn't which then led to a worse incident that put me in hospital, what annoys me most is they know how extreme my reactions r compared to his and how much more distressed I become to the point I can regulate at all but they still do it and have still done it, I when I first moved in explained it so did my mam and my mh team explained how distressed I can become and the behaviours that may happen, within 2 days someone went into my cubored and took a plate out I got distressed and they saw the extent of it, from there the amount of times staff have been reminded and other residence have been reminded it has happend a few more times the worst was one the staff (no one knows who as no one will admit they did it) they took all my stuff out the cubored cleaned the inside then rearranged all my stuff and thats how ik someone had gone into it because I have things in a set way and it had been completely changed and moved around that then the reaction my current placement got was like no other as I had just come in from doing my weekly shop which already caused alot of stress to then when putting stuff away seeing it immediately I said who tf has been on my cuboarded and moved my sht around no one owned up and the emotions and thoughts just hit max I threw my shopping down and ran upstairs to which my key worker who had taken me shopping knew how bad it is for me she came straight upstairs to my room and just sat there cuz I didn't wanna talk nothing after about 30mins she had to leave as our 1-1 session was over and she had to go to do a session with another person so she apologised and said she tell staff to check on me straight after she left almost instantly I exploded I brokedown and just left and then yh ended up in hospital unfortunately from it all but what's worse is no one will own up and my key worker regularly in the staff important gc puts reminders as we do keep getting quite a few new staff she makes sure they are aware too but dispite that it's still gone on and from that last reaction they know the first few times the reaction wasn't as extreme they know from my reports at previous places they know it only gets worse especially as the constant reminders goin out to everyone, they know the next one time is likely to be so much worse, this all happened 2-3 weeks ago and since I don't think anyone has done anything but been at mams as been haveing problems with my heart cuz ambo wait is too long been told to go straight to hospital I can't afford the taxi and staff unless it's in my 1-1 can't take me so its easier if at mams she can take me and then we'll 6 days ago I had my heart op and so been recovering at mams too cuz any issues I need to go straight back

[Sallyskins]

That's rather a lot you've been going through! At least the surgery is out of the way, and you can take it easy and concentrate on recovery.

It's important to set rules and boundaries with OCD. It's mostly the OCD patient who needs the rules and boundaries - they need to understand the effect that their OCD has on other people, and to control it as much as possible. So, for example, if they use the bathroom a lot and constantly wash or shower, they need to appreciate that others also want to use the bathroom, and don't hog it to themselves when someone else needs it.

But it's not just for other people's sake - if OCD isn't controlled, it will take over your whole life. But other people should also have some consideration for you, and not do things that make your OCD worse - like going into your cupboard and messing with your stuff.

Ask the people who run the place if you can have a meeting with all the staff and other residents. Explain just how difficult OCD is for you, and that in order to recover, you need a little co-operation from them. It's perfectly reasonable to demand that your stuff isn't touched without good cause, and that the staff enforce this.

In the meanwhile, take care of yourself!

[Thegamer03 in reply to Sallyskins]

Yh that sounds like a good idea ty

[Natureloverpeace]

Welcome to the group! The OCD community is a fantastic group of kind-hearted people who understand. ocdaction.org.uk and iocdf.org are both amazing resources.