Wife Leaving Because Of My OCD: I am not... - My OCD Community

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Wife Leaving Because Of My OCD

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD

I am not looking for reassurance; I simply want to share, and this is the first place publicly I want to disclose this story... thank you for taking the time to read!

My OCD was undiagnosed for most of my life, and I was really good at hiding it or explaining it away. Four years ago, when my first daughter was born, my OCD exploded. Looking back, my OCD was always getting worse, but my new daughter made it metastasize exponentially. Understandably, this was taxing my wife and I do not judge her for that. Somehow, and I don’t know how, but I was able to force myself to function... eventually, it all caught up to me and was no longer manageable or sustainable... we had another daughter, I got worse, work was suffering, I got diagnosed and then that’s where it all truly spiraled...

When I was officially diagnosed in March 2018, my wife lost it and she left me alone to take care my daughters and she had an affair (at the time, I didn’t know about the affair). She came back and was different, her behavior was odd, we had been seeing a counselor to help with my OCD and other issues, but she was resistant. Eventually her risky behavior got me so scared that I looked in her journal (not my proudest moment, but I didn’t know what else to do)... what I uncovered was a torrid affair, hate towards me, calling me crazy, risky behavior, and so many lies and so much sex and betrayal! This was June 2018, and I called her on it. She again left me alone to take care of my daughters (on Father’s Day Weekend no less) and she went to have an affair; she was gone all of June. It was painful, but I have documentation of the affair, the horrific text messages that were exchanged between her and her lover and it all unfolded in front of me. Still, I persisted to work on our relationship and clung on to hope; I convinced her to come back, but now finally... she wants out. It’s too hard. I’m too crazy. She can’t do it. 20 days before Christmas and she chooses now to leave! I hope she finds what she is looking for because I gave it my all and I am proud of how well I took it all... in the end, it wasn’t for any lack of effort on my part. This choice is on her and something she’ll have to explain to her daughters and take ownership for. I can look at myself in the mirror, perhaps one day she can too.

My well-being of my daughters is the most important thing to me, and I will always fight for them!

I guess what I’m trying to say in this ramble of a post is... THANK GOD I GOT TREATMENT! I have severe OCD, my wife cheated on me and she is now leaving me so my marriage is a mess, my job is hanging on by a thread so there isn’t much confidence there financially, and I am isolated away from family... buuuuuut, I’m so confident in my self now irrespective of all this bullshit chaos. I accept this. I don’t like it, but I accept it. I want to share this so others can have insight and perspective... struggles run deep with OCD, and my story isn’t necessarily unique, but I know that by sharing it I get relief and I might be able to inspire and help someone else. I am certain that uncertainty is all around us. Just like you can’t control your thoughts, you also can’t control people, but you can control your own actions! Own your values. Develop your values. Cherish your values. Your values will be there in your darkest of hours to help guide you. Thanks for reading, be well; cheers!

29 Replies
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I am so sorry all of that happened. I could not even imagine going through that right now. Just know that you didn't cause any of this to happen. You did the best that you could. No human being should ever leave someone stranded as she did to you. Especially your kids too. This might be hard to hear right now, I know I wouldn't want to hear it, but sometimes new beginnings are the only way to move forward. I'm going to private message you my phone number. I got you man! Please reach out!

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Richcon

Thanks! That means a lot! I feel confident that myself and my daughters will be okay, and I am so thankful that I just underwent treatment... I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t. The doubt and blame of OCD are heavily inflated and I’m doing my best to be kind to myself, but it’s hard. Sharing in this safe space really helped to soften the blow. Thank you again for your support!

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are a very strong person to keep your head held high during all of this. OCD is horrible and invades every aspect of our lives. Treatment is helpful and doing the work is key. It’s not always easy, but you will get through this. Someday you’ll look back and remember how strong and driven you were during this time. You are a real inspiration. Keep moving forward and taking care of yourself!

Thank you so much! I know that I am strong and will become stronger because of this. I wanted to share in order to help others know that they can do this! The OCD community is amazing and the most compassionate people I have ever met are within the OCD community. We must all stick together and continue to voice our experiences in order to prevent further misunderstandings and destruction. Thanks again!

Don't blame your OCD for your wife leaving you. She really sounds irresponsible, selfish and cruel. Put your job and your children first and keep going to therapy. I would say to heck with your wife as you have clearly done enough to try to save your marriage! So sorry you are going through this!

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to lml885

Thanks for that. It’s really hard not to blame my OCD as that’s what she said it’s too much, but, in the end, that’s on her and not me. You’re right and I’m working on accepting that and being kind to myself. My girls are my everything and I won’t stop. Thanks again!

The fact that, even through all of this, you are not only ALIVE but are also sporting a POSITIVE attitude and are willing to SHARE your story is unbelievable.

Your strength is amazing.

To say it inspires me is an understatement.

Thank you for sharing.

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to bab5

Thank you, that means a lot. Sharing has helped me not to crumble and I need not to crumble for the sake of my daughters alone.

I don’t know how I’m doing it, but I am and I have to!

Making sure not to isolate and hide as helped to give me strength!

Wow, you are some kind of a guy and a strong person to boot. As you probably know by now, that stress exacerbates OCD and makes it many times worse. Now that you are nearing closure on your marriage,I am willing to bet that your OCD will loosen up. Now is the perfect time for new beginnings and please stay in therapy and lose yourself in your work and your daughters. You have much to live for and part of dealing with OCD is acceptance which you are accomplishing. A support group would also help at this time. You are so right in that you cannot control your thoughts and cannot control others. Who cares what others think and say.

God bless you and you are certainly on the mend.

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to HHeerssen

Thank you! Yes, I have inflated my support system both professionally and personally and I won’t stop therapy. This is a very dark time, but I do have a lot to live for and I will always work for that. I do go to group and I might try to find a few others just to help fend off isolation. My good friend said “you’re lucky to have completed such intense treatment that this timing is really good because you’re in the best headspace you’ve ever been”... he’s right and I get that. It hurts and I’m allowing myself to feel as an observer. I refuse to stop and my daughters are my driving force, always!

Amen brother.

My husband is leaving me because of my ocd too

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Love21

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m working on accepting that it’s their misgivings and their own choice which isn’t because of me nor my OCD. Be kind to yourself. I know it’s hard. I know how caring and tough people with OCD are. I believe in you and if you ever need to commiserate don’t hesitate to reach out. My belief is this happens due to their own inability and it’s a great testament to why we must dismantle stigma. We all must stick together. You’ve got this!

Fearnomore
Fearnomore
in reply to Love21

I’m sorry to hear this too! You will be better and stronger without him. Have faith and believe in yourself!

Love21
Love21
in reply to Fearnomore

Thanks!! I’m sorry that she left you but I guess we both will be a lot better off. I know how it feels to have this horrible illness OCD. It’s hell for me. I really appreciate your comments!! Thanks for the support I hope we can be friends so we can stay in touch if that’s ok with you.

Thanks,

Valerie

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Love21

You’re very welcome, and I have to believe that we will be better. Strength is not measured by how well you do when times are easy, but how well you do when your world crumbles. We got this, even though it is so heartbreakingly difficult, but we will endure! I would love to stay connected as we must all stick together.

Cheers,

Paul

Love21
Love21
in reply to HELLNOCD

Thanks!! You are totally right!! Thanks for making me feel better!!

I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this. I’m sure it’s horribly difficult for you now, but in the long run it’s for the best. Stay strong for your girls! Continue to help yourself with treatment and faiths that you can be the father and person you’ve always dreamt of being. You can do it! Believe that you can! God bless you!

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Fearnomore

Thank you so much. I hear you and I believe what you say. I know I’ll be better, even though it is brutal! Thank you so much for the support! Cheers!

I can only say when 1 door closes another opens. Just because you are living with OCD it isn't like your contagious. The fact that you wife left and betrayed you may not even have been the OCD and she was just using that as an out. You were loyal and worked hard at trying to repair the marriage and remained faithful through out so commend yourself only, you did nothing wrong. Good luck in the future, reach out anytime to chat and remember our not isolated from your family; you have your daughters your family too.

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to reshon

You’re right and thank you. I hear you and I agree with you. I will reach out when needed and you are also correct thigh I’m not isolated from my family. Thanks again!

Your right too, did nothing wrong I'm simply making an observation, good luck, happy holidays

Hidden
Hidden

I have been married for 25 years. We’re still married, but I’ve really struggled to stay married. I guess you have to take care of yourself and your daughters. Having OCD is so hard. I know you already know that. I think it’ s spectacular you are so tuned into your daughters. We’ve also have to take care of ourselves and not judge ourselves for having the OCD. Take good care of yourself and your daughters and know you’re doing the best you can.

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Hidden

Thank you! It is tough, and OCD can do a doozie on relationships. It is challenging to be kind to yourself when my OCD is taking the blame, but I know that this is her decision and I have no control over it. I know that I’m a really good person and the better parents... she’s leaving and I am keeping the house and the kids, and no matter what is said that alone speaks volumes.

I am very, very sorry to hear of your situation. Indeed we are not crazy but have a condition that makes us overly vigilant etc. I pray that you will recover from this tragedy.

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Balthazar

Thank you very much, that means a lot. I’m happy to be the custodial parent for my daughters and I know that I’m a good person... in the end, I can’t ask for too much else.

You are indeed a strong person. Hopefully we can all keep working on our OCD and raise our level of consciousness so that we can distinguish between our voice and our OCD voice. I am trying to do that even though it is very difficult!

Sorry that you are going through! True Love will Love you in spite of OCD. Perfect Example is Howie Mandel and his wife.

HELLNOCD
HELLNOCD
in reply to Blue274

Thank you, that is a beautiful point.

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