crisis

[nadineaudreeyy]

i recently lost to an intrusive thought and i cant really do the compulsion since i got lost while ruminating in it so now i dont know how to do the compulsion right anymore. now im stuck feeling like as if im doomed forever. it tells me that now ill start losing my personality bit by bit, from the way i think, the way i talk, everything, and start to adapt the traits of someone else who i dont want to become. please tell me this isnt real and im just crazy. even though i know how irrational this seems, my brain cant seem to calm down. ive been having the worst headache, tightness in my head and brain fog moreover stress

[deValentin]

Have you heard of the self-torturer puzzle? It's a thought experiment in which an individual has an electric device attached to him that delivers shocks. The device has multiple settings and he can't tell the difference between a setting and the next one. However, between the lowest setting and the highest, the pain is excruciating. He gets money every time he moves up one setting, but can't return to a lower setting. What will he do?

Having OCD is somehat similar to that puzzle. If we spend one more minute tormenting ourselves about whether something bad will happen if we don't ruminate or do a compulsion, we don't feel bad. However, minutes add up becoming hours, days, months, and years. And if we look at the big picture, we feel bad having spent so much time trying to solve problems that OCD is endlessly raising in our mind.

So, my suggestion will be to step back, look at the grand scheme of things, and decide how you'd like to spend the rest of your life. Once you decided, move in that direction one step at the time in spite of the difficulties. Things will become easier with the passing of time. What appeared a matter of life and death when you were in the grip of OCD won't look as awful after a while, and what appeared uninteresting like living a responsible and meaningul life will look a lot more appealing.

[Orange101 in reply to deValentin]

Unfortunately, it is always difficult because OCD attacks what matters to us.

[deValentin in reply to Orange101]

Indeed. Though we could ask ourselves whether trying to eliminate the possibility of something wrong happening would matter as much if the possibility wasn’t as disturbing. Does it matter to us because it’s disturbing our mind, or is it disturbing our mind because it matters to us?

Furthermore, if I’m willing to do anything to eliminate an undesirable possibility and therefore appease my mind, does it make me more or less sure of my values? I’ve heard of people obsessionally afraid of doing “something bad” to their loved ones imagining the worst-case scenario or getting close to the brink to test their reaction in a vain attempt to gain more certainty.