OCD and self neglect

Hi - I am posting here for the first time as I am going through completely hell witj my adult daughter who has severe OCD anxiety and depression. She has had OCD since the age of 12 when she was bullied at school. She is now over 40 .This seems to have triggered OCD. The type she has is contamination OCD - which seems to revolve around faeces. If she sees anything brown--she seems to assume it is no 2. She has also been diagnosed with dyspraxia. When she was 14 years old- she spent 6 weeks in a child psychiatric unit as she was spending up to 5 or 6 hours in the shower. This helped for a short amount of time. Since then her Ocd obsessions and compulsions have got worse if anything. It has reached the stage where OCD is taking over her life where she hardly any time for basi things like eating. Her Gp does not seem to be taking her condition seriously and she wont move Gp as its very local. They won't listen to my concerns due to confidentiality and data protection. And she wont.provide consent for me to speak to themThe situation has now arisen where she has developed severe nutritional deficiencies which I believe can be attributed to self neglect. She is on Vitamim supplements. She also has problems with her bladder. She had a severe burning sensation most of the time and has been referred to Urology at the local.hospital. Due to Covid and despite her symptoms she will.have to wait several months to be seen. She is also waiting to.have a smear - as it had to.posponed due to Covid. In addition she also suffers from severe exhaustion and her blood tests have twice showed evidence of hyperparathyroid condition. The Gp told her to arrange more blood tests and it took her weeks to arrange it. She seemed to be in denial. I am also worried that there might be blood in her urine- as she mentioned 'pink wee' a while ago - she said she also mentioned it to her Gp but it was not taken seriously. She does not seem to be taking it seriously herself or maybe she is burying her head in the sand. I am so worried about her medical problems that may been caused by her severe OCD which is causing her to.neglect herself. She is accusing me of interfering in her life and trying to control her. All I want to do is help her. Can anyone give me any advice about what I should do in this situation. I have become really depressed and anxious myself because of it!

[Trishly1234]

Hi - I agree your daughters symptoms seem to be out of control and you have every right to be concerned- if you feel the gp is not taking her seriously you can complain- in my opinion this is safeguarding- your daughter is a vulnerable adult who at the moment is not meeting her own basic needs- professionals have a duty of care - you can contact adult social services yourself- you don’t need consent to express concerns if you feel somebody is at risk x what’s your location- if UK I’m happy to advise more as referrals like this is my line of work x

[Hidden in reply to Trishly1234]

Hi Trishly Thanks for your concern. I live in Liverpool. I know something about safeguarding myself as I used to work in mental health support and I am also a Counsellor. I am considering contacting them as she has now refused to allow me to.order her meds and the Doctor is refusing to speak to me cos she has withdrawn consent. Without her meds she will go downhill fast especially with regard to her vitamin deficiency and antidepressants Also she is contradicting what I am saying to the Gp. Does self neglect override confidentiality do you know.? She is obviously in denial as she has escaped to an ex boyfriends who is happy to look after her(for the moment) She has been so nasty and aggressive to me that I don't know what to do. I am totally heartbroken. All I want is for her to be well- both mentally and physically!

[heterogeneouslandmas]

The first thing I would say is just to get her to a doctor that takes her seriously. As for her body, everyone’s health problems deserve to be taken care of whether or not they have a mental disorder. Has she tried fluvoxamine or another OCD medication? She sounds like she’s in hell. I’m so sorry to hear this for both of you.

[Hidden]

She is very stubborn and won't change Gp as its convenient for her. I am not sure its about the Gp..It all seems to be about confidentiality and cos she is considered to have capacity- he has to respect her wishes- even if they are not in her best interests!

[heterogeneouslandmas]

Maybe she can see two doctors at once? You know, her general + a specialist? Hopefully she’ll agree to some form of help.

[Trishly1234]

This sounds so distressing- the confidentiality one is difficult but I would definitely contact adult services and use all the buzz words - self neglect at this level is safeguarding as she is putting herself at risk physically- but it’s that question of capacity that lets people down - I’d suggest contacting the duty worker and if no joy put your concerns in writing with a copy to gp- they cannot ignore this and in my experience this gets people jumping into action. Are you able to speak to the ex boyfriend ? Keep reaching out - and remember to look after yourself too - here if you need anything x

[Hidden]

Hi Trishly. Thanks for your kindness and good advice. I am speaking to her exboyfriend and I think he may be finally taking things seriously! She just needs to take responsibility but it seems so difficult for her to do. In tbe process she is not taking care of herself!

[Sallyskins]

I feel for you both - as someone who has OCD I know just how it can take you over, and I also know how it can be a worry for family and friends.

One of the characteristics of OCD is stubborn resistance to anything that might make a difference - it gets you stuck in a rut of your own making and the effort and stress of getting out of the rut is huge.

Attempts to pull your daughter out of her rut are likely to result in her digging her heels in further. It's such a difficult situation.

I know from having been a carer for my mother, an alcoholic with multiple health problems, how hard it is dealing with GPs. Confidentiality rules forbid them from cooperating fully, and your attempts to help are constantly frustrated. I can remember my mother refusing a hospital appointment, and the surgery were very unhelpful, and would just say that it was her decision.

I know it's difficult, because you're worried, but try not to say too much to her. It's legitimate concern on your part, but in her current state of mind, she interprets it as interference and having a go at her.

I should get in touch with her GP by letter, so they can't refuse to listen, and explain that your daughter's OCD has got so out of control that she has effectively lost capacity and can't make rational decisions for herself. GPs generally know a little about a lot of conditions, rather than a lot about one condition, and don't always know much about OCD.

I should also get in touch with Adult Social Services at your local council. The authorities have a duty of care. I know that social services are stretched and strapped for cash, so you may have to be persistent.

It may feel like going behind her back, and she may interpret it as such, but in a better frame of mind she will be grateful, whether she says so or not.

Meanwhile, don't neglect yourself. Caring for someone who resists your care is such a struggle. It can take you over. Remember that having OCD is nobody's fault.

[Hidden]

Dear Tiberias,

I'm so sorry. This sounds miserable. I will let you know that blood in the urine can just be a plain old UTI or cystitis--uncomfortable, but not deadly. As an RN and a woman with OCD I advise you to call social services if you think it's necessary, but if she doesn't want you to talk to her doctor then she needs to zip it about her symptoms. The next time she talks about pink wee tell her, "If you don't want me to be involved with your medical care, please don't discuss medical problems with me."

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your advice Elisheva. I wish I could say that- but as her mum it would be difficult to do! The thing is it cant be cystitis - as far as I am aware as there was no infection in her urine and she took the test twice. She has a burning sensation most of the time and the Gp does not seem to be taking it seriously. She has been referred to Urology at the local hospital- but we have been told it's at least a 4.month wait as she has only been referred to the routine waiting list. She suffers from contamination OCD so I do understand she has problems taking urine tests- but I am wondering whether she may be in denial about her problems! I seem to care more about her health than she does!

[Hidden]

That's so difficult & painful 😟