Chemical Contamination OCD

[lewis12]

I've been suffering Contamination OCD for a while, I've tried therapy but was not with an OCD specialist as there are none here, I live in Mexico and OCD specialists here are practically non existent, only 3 listed in the International OCD foundation in the entire country , so mostly here OCD is treated just by regular psychologists with regular talk therapies which most of the times don't work for OCD, so when I tried therapy , the psychologist didn't seem to understand entirely the problem and I got frustrated about it.

Anyway, I decided to get the OCD online course with Nathan Peterson and I started therapy on my own, and so far I've had good improvements, but here is my struggle and unfortunately, I don't have a specialist to address this directly, as I mentioned , I have contamination OCD, but not about germs, but chemical substances, I had a severe allergic reaction to a dermatologist product a few years ago, since then, I'm afraid to certain kinds of creams, or chemicals like mechanical oil or mechanical grease , etc, because I feel I can get another severe reaction.....

So like everyone with OCD, I have contaminated areas or items and safe areas and items as well, recently they did some works around the house and worked with machinery, the guy doing that work, got his hands full of mechanical grease and despite he washed his hands, I felt he was contaminating many places around the house , now I'm ok touching and handling contaminated those things or places for long periods of time, but whenever I go or touch something "clean", it's a must to wash my hands before , otherwise I'm gonna contaminate it too.

So my problem when trying to do exposure I can't help to feel guilty about contaminating my clean items , like my computer, cellphone etc, because with these specific objects, I'm not able to wash them like if it was clothing to get rid of the oil or grease, once I get my hands on them, there is no way back, and when I've tried, I end up regretting and blaming myself for contaminating it and just wiping it many times to get it "clean" again.

I know that's what ERP is about, to expose ourselves to situations we always avoid, but in my case, I think I'm missing something about the response I should have , I'm doing the exposures but don't know how to react and handle it to reduce my anxiety gradually, in my case keeps going up and up and end up regretting doing that.

So if anyone has some recommendations or tips about this when doing exposures, I'd really appreciate it to hear from you, always good to get support from other people that truly understand this, for sure , we are not alone.

[PinetownTree]

"So my problem when trying to do exposure I can't help to feel guilty about contaminating my clean items , like my computer, cellphone etc, because with these specific objects, I'm not able to wash them like if it was clothing to get rid of the oil or grease, once I get my hands on them, there is no way back, and when I've tried, I end up regretting and blaming myself for contaminating it and just wiping it many times to get it "clean" again."

First off, I'm sorry help is not plentiful where you live. I'm re-quoting this you posted because in the least I understand how you feel.

When I was growing up I was terrified of gasoline because my parents would soak paintbrushes in them, one time when I was likely seven or eight, i was trying to get one of my toys off the shelf in the garage when the cup spilled in my eyes.

Then I'm starting to go bananas thinking I'd gone blind...on top of that my dad used to say gasoline melts plastic. I'd do everything possible to not ever be in the presense of it. I was terrified to fill up the mower or have my dad touch my things when he did oil changes on the cars. I'd try to get him to wash my bicycle for me so he would wash off the petro residue from his hands.

If someone said they used gas cans in the last week, I'd be scared to touch things they touched, thinking there was still traces.

Nowadays, I'm over it but I still have the thought, once contaminates happens I can't truely ever cleanse them, often needing to destroy or discard the object.

[lewis12 in reply to PinetownTree]

Thanks for your reply! Yes, that is exactly my case, I feel with these substances like oil or grease, if someone touches something after handling them, they leave traces and therefore "contaminate" it and I can't wash them to get rid of it, or wipe it in the case of germs and that is the difficult part for me, and my problem doing ERP is that, still don't know how to respond to the idea I'm contaminating everything and won't be able to clean it.

I'm so glad you overcame this, it's not a good feeling but how did you get to manage and get over with it? Therapy? or just happened you weren't triggered anymore with the time?

[Ginger61]

I suggest looking up NOCD and getting help from them. You can find them in a web search or on Instagram.

[Ginger61 in reply to Ginger61]

I’d there is not a specialized OCD therapist near you then you can work online with the therapists at NOCD.

[lewis12 in reply to Ginger61]

Thank you so much for the recommendation, I searched the website and outside the US and Canada, only Australia and UK are available, so unfortunately not in Mexico, but throught the International OCD foundation, I got in touch with a OCD therapist here in Mexico, since they are very few here, she had a waiting list of around 4 months but I signed up, that was about two months ago, so I should be starting my therapies in a few weeks with a a recommended OCD specialist, I'm happy about it.

[Ginger61 in reply to lewis12]

That’s great! So happy for you. Would love to know how your treatment goes. Will be thinking of you!!!!!

[lewis12 in reply to Ginger61]

Thank you so much, I'll be thinking of you as well, I'll keep you posted once I start the ERP, in the meantime I'm about to start to read this book someone recommended "Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" by Jonathan Grayson, should help as well. Hugs

[Ginger61 in reply to lewis12]

Anything you can read or study about how this disorder works to deceive you will help you change your thought patterns and see the reality that this is a brain disorder that is altering your perception of reality. It is hard work and I commend you. I know for me it is really hard to do the hard work and not give in to my obsessions and compulsions but I am determined to get better and take back control of my life! You can do it too!!!

[Ginger61]

treatmyocd.com/why-nocd

[lewis12 in reply to Ginger61]

I forgot to mention, mine also will be online therapy, but with someone here in Mexico as well, like I said, only 3 listed in the directory in the International OCD Foundation, so not easy to get and I'm still on waiting list, but soon I hope I can start with the specialist, feel I wasted time with regular psycologists that most of the times aren't really prepared to deal with OCD treatment, I think in Mexico the condition is actually is minimized and is not given the importance it should have.

[SCC1]

I totally understand what you are going through. I have contamination OCD as well, and worry about germs as well as chemicals.

For me, I think about things like Clorox wipes or other cleaning substances- any of them. If someone is using them, I fear that if they touch me or another surface/person, etc. without washing their hands, the substance will be transferred.

Also, if I smell food or anything that has a strong smell, my immediate mental response is, "I have to close my bedroom door or close the windows!"- including car windows, so the smell doesn't get in my room or wherever I'm at. If it's from someone cooking, and the smell from the food is strong- not even a bad smell- I feel like I will smell like that food.

Even if there's a smell from perfume someone is wearing, or if someone else may have a bad odor, I feel I will "pick it up" and then wherever I go, I will smell like that person, good or bad. Of course, bad would be horrifying.

It's like the cycle doesn't leave me. I feel that whatever I think is contaminating/ed is "attached" to me and wherever I may go. So, until l think everything's okay-washed hands (by myself or others), cleaned off faucet, for example, and no way for anything to get transferred to me or my cat or another object that I or someone else has to touch, I am not okay.

I wash things, too, because of others' "neglect" with not "caring" that they have dirtied something. I truly believe it is inconsiderate even though they don't think anything of it.

[lewis12 in reply to SCC1]

Hello, thanks for your reply! Reading your story, I saw myself reflected in your experience, it's just so stressful and consuming to worry about these kind of things, for me is more about chemicals but sometimes I get triggered for "bacterias, germs or fungus etc." that could get me sick as well

I do very much what you do as well, washing objects after someone touched them, wiping things if I can't wash them, changing my shirt because someone just tapped me on the back, sometimes if Im walking by really close to these substances, I start to wonder if I touched them and didn't notice and that make me do compulsions....so totally saw myself reflected in your experiences...

Now my question to you, are you getting help with this? I've been struggling finding a right teraphist and not eveyone understands really the OCDs? I'm in the proccess of doing that as I tried several psycologists here but weren't OCD specialists and didn't get the ERP properly, but should be starting online therapy in a few weeks with an OCD therapist, I hope you're also getting help with a specialist, also would like to share my experiences if they are helpful to you, reach out anytime!

[SCC1 in reply to lewis12]

Hi lewis12. I am seeing a therapist, but she is not familiar with ERP. She does CBT, but when I tell her things, I don't get much back. I have told her about my thoughts and I don't think she knows what to say. I've tried CBT before with her for OCD thoughts, and it didn't work even though at the time, my therapist really was telling me things to help. I just couldn't do it for long.

I think I need to do some research online to find out about doing ERP myself. I like my therapist and I don't want to lose her to another one and especially to start over.

I may reach out to you if you think it will also be helpful.

Thank you for replying to me!

[lewis12 in reply to SCC1]

Hello SCC1, I went through the same, seeing therapists that didn't know much about ERP, just CBT but that didn't do anything for me, I actually felt I wasted my time (and money) witg them, that's why I decided to look for an actual specialist in OCD and ERP, I think if you want to get over with this, you gotta have someone that really understands the problem to start with.

Do you live in an area where is difficult to get OCD specialists? Same like me? You can always look for online therapists if that is the case, I've been reading the ERP is the most appropiate and succesful therapy.

I want to get over with this, like they said here, it's a demon chasing you , and I just want to take the bull by the horns with the best help I can get, it's been 10 years already since I started with the OCD and want to improve this, be my old self

[SCC1 in reply to lewis12]

I don't think it's hard to find a specialist, but I'm not 100% sure about that. I've been dealing with this bully for 33 yrs, and no matter what therapist, psychiatrist I see, nothing has helped, even in "regular" therapy. After all that time, you would think I'd have gotten good advice (about anything), but I think I just deal with what comes up in my life, myself.

I hope you can find a good therapist. Get a hold of this as soon as you can!

[lml885]

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this stress and have had trauma in the past. I think OCD can be trauma based to be honest. I just know you are supposed to not just resist but delay your compulsions. So like don’t perform one immediately but wait a bit. Or do one incorrectly like change it up to confuse the urge to perform it fully. Also just recognizing that it is a compulsion and that performing it will only strengthen it and won’t ever “fix” or “solve” it. Don’t know if that helps.

[lewis12 in reply to lml885]

Hello, thanks for your reply! For me, what really triggered the OCD was that event of the allergic reaction on my skin I had, I guess I was still OCD prone so to speak before, I was actually very carefree before, but having this trauma triggered big the OCD, also need to mention, I didn't seek for help in early stages, used to think to myself that I'd get over it or would pass eventually, but the fact is, the problem got bigger with the time.

Your advice is very helpful, thank you so much, I've found that delaying compulsions sometimes reduce my anxiety and with the time I have no need to do the compulsion, but it doesn't work all the time, in specific cases if I try to delay compulsion, sometimes I just can't stop thinking about things could happen if I don't do it, even if I delay those for hours, I can't let it go, you know what I mean? I know it's not easy and all of these thoughts are actually irrational, but the OCD makes them feel so real.

I see you have struggled with OCD for a very long time, so you really understand this, may I ask what type of OCD you struggle with? Really hope we can help each other

Hugs

[lml885 in reply to lewis12]

Yeah delaying some compulsions doesn’t work all the time for me either. OCD seems to be really a demon. I actually haven’t really had contamination OCD but almost every other type LOL. Anymore it’s the rumination that gets me and given my people skills are poor right now and I kind of reached my limit stress wise I can’t seem to stop thinking about how to could’ve responded or handled something better. Certain things people have said to me even random people online invalidating my experiences have REALLY got to me and I feel I have to see their side or fight for my opinion. Like I’m always having to be the bigger person and empathize with them when they won’t empathize with me. I kind of have this weird thing where I see all sides to things so I can understand someone else’s side but I don’t feel they always want to see mine. But I’ve had a lot of others like health/hypochondriac stuff, worrying I could hurt someone or did hurt someone and checking stuff. I feel sometimes OCD is trauma based but also so self focused. But it’s like still you deal with it and it doesn’t seem to get easily cured so it’s like torture almost.

[PinetownTree in reply to lewis12]

It's not one of your goals to just stop compulsions, like the poster below you said, you usually can't. However your goal's to increase the time between compulsions, even one second past your last is still success right?