Cheating

[Georgiayates24]

I got a tattoo 2 years ago. Me and the artist never spoke through the tattoo process. However, I am convinced that I became aroused by the artist. Now I'm convinced I cheated on my boyfriend. I really can't cope

[deValentin]

Scrupulosity OCD shows itself in a tendency to blow things out of proportion and imagine faults where an OCD-free person wouldn’t see any.

The autonomic nervous system is a component of the peripheral nervous system that regulates INVOLUNTARY physiologic processes including heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, digestion, and sexual arousal. Therefore, feeling aroused, or the thought that you were aroused, by a tattoo artist means nothing by itself. It’s your choice whether you give it a meaning or not.

For instance, a thought of pushing someone else off a cliff may pop into my mind. I know it’s not a sensible thought. Martin Luther said, “You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” In other words, you can’t prevent “foolish thoughts” from popping up into your head from time to time, but you can choose not to dwell or act on them, or believe they reflect your true self.

In that case, the best thing to do is to focus on something else and let unwanted thoughts die on their own. The worst thing to do is to try to argue with your scrupulosity and irrefutably prove that you did nothing wrong. No matter how strong the arguments you find are, it’ll never be enough. The more you try to eliminate unfounded doubts, the more you give them a credibility they don’t deserve. You end up telling yourself that, if after your efforts you still can’t persuade yourself you did nothing wrong, it must mean that you’re really guilty.

[Georgiayates24 in reply to deValentin]

The thing is, me and my tattoo artist didn't even talk I just remember texting my bf and scrolling through social media and being in pain. Then going to the toilet on a break. That's when I feel I was "aroused" yet he did not me feel sexual at all

[deValentin in reply to Georgiayates24]

It seems to me that you're trying to persuade yourself you did nothing wrong, and no matter how hard you try, you're still in doubt. That's OCD.

Given you have good reasons to believe you did nothing wrong, why can't you be satisfied with them? The problem is that the more you seek absolute certainties you did nothing wrong, the more doubts wil come to your mind to test the strength of those certainties. The solution is to stop seeking absolute certainties and start contenting yourself with reasonable certainties. It takes time and efforts, but it's worth it in the end.

[Georgiayates24 in reply to deValentin]

I'm trying to be satisfied with my explanation it's just so hard

[deValentin in reply to Georgiayates24]

It's hard because you value honesty.

If a child is lost in the wilderness, who's going to find it harder to give up the search when all reasonable hope of finding the child alive is lost? The parents or the rescue personnel?

Likewise, who's going to find it harder to give up the search for a way to appease one's mind? The person with or without a tender conscience?

However, the difficulty of moving on doesn't mean you don't want to move on. For instance, even if I find it initially difficult to get up on stage doesn't mean I don't want to be an actor. The difficulty just means that the stakes are high and I'm fully aware of it.

[Georgiayates24 in reply to deValentin]

I just don't understand how to move on

[deValentin in reply to Georgiayates24]

Do you agree intellectually it would be a good idea to move on, but, emotionally, you find it hard?

[Georgiayates24 in reply to deValentin]

Absolutely. I have no recollection of any of it happening yet I'm convinced it happened and I can't move on

[deValentin in reply to Georgiayates24]

If you agree it would be good to move on, then you don’t need to find any more reasons to move on. You already have enough reasons. You only need to be ready and willing to move on.

To be ready and willing to move on, you need to stop relying on ruminations as a way to to appease your mind, and, instead, start relying on your ability to tolerate some uncertainty in life, form well-founded opinions, and make wise decisions. It's not an easy path, it requires courage and patience, but it's worth it in the end.

It's tempting to initially believe that you can spend a big chunk of your time dwelling on a objectively trivial situation that happened 2 years ago and not pay a heavy price for it in terms of happiness.

It's also tempting to avoid making a decision about turning the page and focusing on more important matters because, although it's highly probable you're making the right decision, it's not absolutely certain. However, once the decision is made, possible lingering doubts will fade with the passing of time.

In my experience, recovery requires a two-pronged strategy: don't believe from the start that OCD will keep its promises about solving your problem, but believe that investing in a sensible way of life will gradually bring you more serenity in life.

[Arabianhorselover]

Have you ever been screened for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

[Georgiayates24 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

Yes I have OCD. I was diagnosed years ago. First, I was convinced I cheated with a friend that turned out to be false. And now I'm convinced I was turned on by my tattoo artist

[Arabianhorselover]

So have you received any treatment?

[Georgiayates24 in reply to Arabianhorselover]

I tried but they focused on my bpd instead as that was taking over at the time. My counsellor left her job and they've left me without any help

[80_Zil_ian]

I couldn’t read all the comments, but this is one of the symptoms of OCD—you take a simple real-life event and start ruminating over it. I suffered for years with non-real intrusive thoughts.

Now, my OCD has shifted to real-life memories that are insignificant but cause me deep suffering and embarrassment. Honestly, for me, it has been harder to treat this type of OCD (real-life memories that shouldn’t mean anything) than the previous form I had (intrusive harm and inappropriate thoughts).

[Georgiayates24 in reply to 80_Zil_ian]

I've been diagnosed with OCD. I know that. It's taking over my life. I suffered for years with ocd where I was counting numbers in my head and tapping objects and switching things off a certain amount of times. Now, it's gone to cheating and I can't cope

[Arabianhorselover]

Have any of you heard of NOCD? It's an online platform that specializes in treating OCD and related disorders. It is wonderful. Go to nocd.com.