My OCD is ruining my life.

[Optimistic_22]

I want to paint a clear picture. Since the coronavirus . I have quiet my job and school is over. I unfortunately had to stop working because son is high risk and I have no health insurance. So now I try to fill my day and be productive. I garden, do chores , take dog for a walk and cook/clean of course. My downfall is I still have the anxiety and OCD I never fixed since being locked up it has made my symptoms so much worse. I wish I could just go to work and work on myself . I hate this virus.

Daily my OCD kicks in no matter what I do I cant distract myself. My heart starts racing I get cripples by the same OCD thought and then finally I react/ flip out on OCD issue.

So for example Ive been gardening for the first time and found some obvious problems about my garden due to some direct and indirect things neighbor has done to their yard.

I talked to my neighbor they said talk to co op. Im trying to solve these issues such as trench directed in my yard in such. Now I feel so uncomfortable going in my yard due to my neighbor making negative comments at me after I asked them to please fix the problem. I also should not my impulsiveness kicked in and I ruined my phone in pouring down rain to record the effects the trench into my yard.

I know that Im right in the situation as far as trench is concerned but hate how my OCD makes me focus every thought on this problem are any problem that arises.

This week all as Ive been worried about is the yard and have got nothing else done because of it. Ive texted my friend about this problem for advice. My home unit is done hearing about. I cant stop thinking about till the co op where I live fixes the problem.

The only thing is this is the story of my life. Theres always a problem big or small and I never feel at rest always in a fight or flight response. I think Im my own worst enemy and create at least 80% of my problems. I hate taking care of issues and procrastinate as long as possible. Leading up to issues just worry about. I never feel content. Just emotional and upset when its all over with issue. I don’t know how to conduct myself professionally then issues arise and act on impulse 99% of the time. Im a anxiety OCD rollercoaster daily. The only thing I have going for me is my walks with my dog.

Im also getting very depressed. I have a hard time instituting change. It so hard just to be me.

I still haven’t take care of the yard issue with maintenance and feel defeated already due to excessive energy and worry already put into.

I just want to be happy and at peace. Stop or control my OCD. So my family can feel secure and happy. I feel my son thats a teen has better control of his emotionals and worries about me. I want to be a role model. I feel sad tired, broken , lonely and defeated by myself.

I fear Im losing my mind and cant stand this isolation anymore. I have to for my son.

Ive also been having anxiety attacks. Which are worse during my menstrual periods. I have a therapist I pay put of pocket and she suggests hormones to be checked. She also said she was a couple days ago that I need to be able to start to change if I don’t she doesn’t know how to help me. She felt bad and worried for me. This was a first as Ive been seeing her for a while. She gives suggestions I often still feel lost and not sure how to help myself cope.

Any suggestions on how to cope with OCD thoughts?

Therapies like ERT?

Also suggestions on Anxiety coping?

I have to be very active daily to sleep at night sometimes find myself crippled by my OCD and not getting anything accomplished.

[Tikirob]

Hey...first and foremost, you are going through a lot right now and I as a fellow OCD sufferer I wish this was not happening to you. 80 percent of the problems you have are not caused by you they are caused by OCD and as far as I know you never asked for this crappy disorder so please don’t be so hard on yourself. You accurately described the hardships of what it’s like to have ocd and I wish I knew how to avoid all the issues you are writing about but unfortunately there is no easy way to get through all this however ERP is very helpful if you do the work on your own like the exposures and such. I have trouble doing the exposures on my own so I am hoping one day to afford more intensive treatment. But please try and give yourself a break because with the pandemic things are extra anxious.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Tikirob]

Thanks for trying to make me feel better and uplift me. I also having a difficult time with my boyfriend and son. My boyfriend is having a hard time and break downs first time ever because of isolation and my anxiety / OCD which can be overwhelming. My son is getting upset due to isolation. He wants to visit his friends but is high risk and is very anger about.

So my boyfriend is staying with me but has emotionally turned off and sleeps on coach.

My son is anger and we still hang out but he gets upset sometimes due to isolation.

My boyfriend and sons relationship is broken. They used to be close but isolation has took that away.

I feel caught in the middle of them.

A single parent again after 3 years.

So sad and alone.

So this is my life in all it encompasses as a tears fill my face . I want happiness. I think Ive hit rock bottom with my OCD and Anxiety.

My plan is parental counseling for me and my son.

To start working on myself.

Ive never tried ERT therapy and think would be useful.

I do well with reputation and if I can train myself in real life scenarios on how to act in unforeseen situations think will help.

If anyone has more advice on

OCD/ Anxiety coping?

Parenting 15 year old boys that are high risk for catching coronavirus?

Relationships how to effectively communicate with partner and not feel like being talked to like a child?

Thanks for your advice greatly appreciated.

[Tikirob in reply to Optimistic_22]

My last bit of advice is to start ERP as soon as possible and embrace it with all your courage. It’s going to be an immense challenge. Glad to hear you are motivated on working on yourself.

[HHeerssen]

A good book to read is by Jeffrey Schwartz called "Brain Lock" and you will realize that the OCD intrusive thoughts are not you but a real illness that you can learn to ignore. As long as you fear the thoughts , they will keep coming back. If you can let the thoughts happen and not try to control them. they eventually lose their control over you. The thing to do is don't fear or have guilt over them.

If that does not give you any relief, then the best thing you can do is go to a Therapist that specializes in OCD treatment and to get him to get your doctor to prescribe something like an antidepressant that will get you some relief. Then counsel with your OCD therapist as he can only help. But make sure that he specializes in OCD treatment as this is a special type of training. But try the first paragraph first.

God's Blessings to you and I will be praying for you.

[HHeerssen in reply to HHeerssen]

From HHeerssen reply was to Optimistic -22. Sorry I did not make that clear.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to HHeerssen]

Thanks so much HHeerssen for your advice. I will check up on that book.

Also I will check my current therapist credentials and if not specialist in OCD have to find a new one.

Thanks again I appreciate your time.

[HHeerssen in reply to Optimistic_22]

Yes, I am here to help you. I have suffered with OCD for many years as it started with me at age 14. I am 77 years old and have learned to manage my intrusive thoughts.

I know you can do it also.

Blessings.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to HHeerssen]

Yeah Ive had since my teens also but never realized what it was until my adult life. Now at 35 its gotten worse due to the current state of the world.

I try to be productive at home because I cant work now son is high risk just stuck with my own debilitated thoughts. Mostly same thoughts.

Its very comfort to know that you managed it. When did your change take place in OCD for the better?

I have a really hard time instituting change.

What was thing that helped you the most with OCD? The specialized therapist? I have things to work on with OCD but dont really feel like I know how.

When a problem happens I often react quick on my impulsive behavior and cant stop myself in the anxiety attack . The anxiety attack is from a build up of consistent OCD on the situation .

[HHeerssen in reply to Optimistic_22]

Change takes place gradually and don't try to get in a hurry. When I was young in high school and college, in the 60's, did not know what I had and just thought I was no good and a bad sinful person. Now I realize I inherited this from my Dad as he had it bad. Back then, nobody knew what was going on and how to treat it. So I suffered for many years and it helped to ruin my first marriage.

But here in later years, we moved to Houston in 2003, then I connected with support groups here and began to understand it better, My General Practitioner understood this and treated me with Zoloft and it takes off the peaks and valleys for me. Then I saw and an OCD specialist here in Houston and began to understand everything better. Today, I am able to ignore the crazy thoughts knowing that it is not me, but my OCD that is happening. One thing OCD does is magnify everything and one thinks the worst is always happening. When this happens to me, I think this is my OCD working on me and is not reality and put it in its place. OCD is a demon but the more you can ignore it and can laugh at it it begins to diffuse and lose its hold on you.

My current wife and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage tomorrow. She knows I have OCD but we can laugh at it together. Getting tough with OCD is hard because it wants to control you. When you have the urge to go and check certain things like did I close the garage door, don't give in as the urge to go back and check is so strong. After you resist it, the urge begins to diminish with 15 to 20 minutes.

I am very happy to help you. Blessings from the Lord Jesus to you.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to HHeerssen]

Hi HHeerssen,

Yes I think thats great advice. Try

to ignore thought and don’t give in the temptation that its a big deal and need not to react to.

In the mid nineties when I was a kid they diagnosed me and my brother with ADHD. At that time Doctor’s were all diagnosing hyperactive kids with that. I took ritilin which dad got off of because put me in a catatonic state.

So here I am today still trying to figure out my mind.

My therapist recently suggested getting my hormones checked .

As everyday I wake with so much energy and that causes my problems for the day such as OCD/ anxiety etc.

Im looking for a OCD therapist today. Parental Therapist for my son and I. Then wanting to start exposure therapy.

Ive gotten to the point where its gotten bad for me. I think my relationship of 3 years is ending due to my OCD/ Anxiety. Im also a terrible listener. I get anxiety when my boyfriend wants to talk and I end up getting mad at him and talking over him then walking away because of the stress. I have communication problems I believe is from the anxiety feeling during conversation with him that I view as negative.My boyfriend has tried to help me with my OCD anxiety attacks but then I start to take as negative and argument happens Im overwhelmed and walk away. I always feel he’s scolding me like a child. In actuality he’s trying to help me with all my ocd problem I come with to him. He has took on all the roles working, cooking , cleaning and parental. Now he’s overwhelmed and done shutting down him self with anxiety attacks. He has made a list of things he needs to be mentally ok or he has to regretful leave. Im finally feeling he may be leaving but some how doesn’t seem really as hes said several times in the past. My attacks happens also when where on vacation as I feel Ive ruined all our trips due to my unrealistic thoughts of OCD.

My son and my boyfriend are not close anymore due to covid things have got bad between them. My son isn’t used to rules because is father was sick for years and I had to care for him until his death. So anger my son is displaying against my boyfriend where this is a new thing for him. Son is frustrated due to covid and he’s high risk cant go out.

So I believe I can get better but have to now. I make life feel and seem harder then what it is. If I actually start change now my life will change. The hardest part I have is the leap because scared of failure. I need to do this and I can. TODAY.

Thanks for listening sorry for the long post. In all these post Ive tried to explore my whole self and dissect so I can work on the problems. In turn it gives me a better understanding of me. Then helps from feedback from others. So this all is me in its entirety. I need to live and breath and stop letting this awful disease control every aspect of my life. So in a sense thia has been my therapy of self reflection.

Thanks again.

So one my journey of life I thank you for your insight and Im thankful for all the tools Im now equipped with.

[Bentleywins]

OCD IS a very destructive disease, and you just have to use exposures and correct responses if you are able.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Bentleywins]

Thanks yes I agree.

I now see how its negatively impacts every aspect of my life. Ive had Impulse control at work due to OCD. Then I react on the impulse very embarrassing because I have social anxiety so during my impulse outburst I end up confusing others talk in circle due to social anxiety kicking in.

Thanks again yes I agree. Exposure therapy seems perfect for me.

[Karalin]

Maybe ask doctor about anti-depressants for depression or anxiety. Get anxiety therapy too only if you want. Sorry to hear about your job. I hope your stays happy and healthy as should you. Just get out of the house if it becomes too much. When I do my work, the OCD has nothing on me, so maybe get into work like writing or art or baking. Good luck with everything, and may the divine power(whatever that may or may not be for you) or universe bless you or favor you always.