So I'm about to start a bachelor's degree next week as a mature aged student and my OCD/perfectionism is telling me that I have to study non stop or else I'll fail, or look stupid in class. That I have to try and get ahead and stay ahead or else I'll lose my grasp over the whole subject and course. That I have to appear to know what I'm doing at all times but at the same time never let it be apparent that I have OCD. (Last time I tried to study my OCD got so bad I had to quit and I ended up in hospital). Is anyone else out there studying with OCD? How do you do exposure work on the perfectionism side of things? Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me to help slow the OCDs progress?
Thanks in advance.
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saharagirl101
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Hello Sahara girl; congratulations as you start your BA as a mature student! Like you, I am doing university classes as a mature student - and, like you, I have OCD. I also approach my school work with perfectionism tendencies. I over-prepare for essays and tests and I read absolutely everything that is required. It does get overwhelming at times. But I continue to persevere and I feel accomplished with my academic success so far. Yes, OCD causes me to overthink and over- perform, but I stick to my values and my goals. I am working at building new friendships at school and I am currently enjoying an overseas class trip. Enjoy your wonderful opportunity to resume school and reach out to a Student Counselor for support on campus. The Student Accessibility Office is willing to help students with any physical or emotional disability. Best of luck!
This perfectionism tendency can really be amazing if you have an OCD. I can read about it in both "saharagirl101's" and "cambridgeborn's" text here. I do remember this perfectionism I had at the university - and it came when I got my first OCD symptoms. I have written in this chain about myself with the pseudonym "languageteacher". There you can read more - and specially about the neurosurgical operation I had to undergo because of severe and therapy resistant symptoms.
I managed to get my degree in spite of having raging OCD during the whole course. It can be done. I had so much difficulty in just getting to classes, but I did it!
Try to remember that over-studying can lead to work that is just, well, too 'studied'. Often our spontaneous work is the best. That doesn't mean you shouldn't put your all into it - just that going over and over it again and again can take the vitality out of the original work. There are some authors and artists who do this - and their work suffers.
As someone who loves art, I often prefer the immediacy of sketches. The landscape artist John Constable's carefully studied and composed oil paintings are beautiful, but his initial sketches and studies are better and have more life to them.
Of course it's worth trying to make your work as good as it can be, but don't obsess over it. As a schoolgirl I remembered I was supposed to hand in an English essay the next day. So I got up at about four in the morning and dashed it off while half asleep. 'At least I've got something to hand in,' I thought, but expected a lot of red pen and a low mark. In fact I got an 'A'! Then an essay I spent two weeks getting just perfect got me a mere 'B-'.
I notice that you're female - and I've often noticed that women often feel we have to work harder and be better before we feel that what we say or do has any validity. A man, to take one example, will put up his hand and speak at a public meeting and spout garbage and it doesn't occur to him that he's been less than brilliant. But many women hesitate, thinking 'Suppose I say something silly, or obvious, or don't say it very well' - and often miss their chance to make a valuable contribution to the debate. Don't miss the opportunity to shine at university because you don't feel confident.
It's all right to get things wrong, or not get straight 'A's - remember that you're learning, and learning involves trial and error. Try occasionally submitting a piece of work which you've only checked once, or not checked at all, and compare the marks you get for it to work you've sweated over until it's 'perfect'.
As I said, it's possible to over-study until your brain can't absorb much more. Then it's best to take a break and have some fun so your brain can recover. Doing so also exposes our brains to new experiences - and these can lead to flashes of inspiration that are directly relevant to your studies. Too narrow a focus isn't good.
Having OCD can be a hindrance to study - but it can also make us conscientious and determined. I often get stuck in trying to get something 'exactly right' but I know that taking a break is the best thing to do.
I wasn’t I treatment until years after school, so I don’t have any experience in that respect, but I would strongly suggest the following: find someone involved in the school to whom you can open up about these fears. I’m not saying they would be your primary counselor, but they could be a sounding board who has experience with schoolwork. It could be a school psychological counselor, or a fellow student, or a scholastic adviser, someone with a connection to the school. If they understand OCD that would be a plus, but I think the most important criteria is they have a connection to the school / schoolwork, because this will reduce the chance you start doubting yourself with “they listen to me but *what if* they really don’t really understand what’s important to pass my classes?”
My story: At around age 7 (decades ago) I would come home with lined sheets of paper for practicing penmanship by writing rows of letters. I was so compelled to get each letter right that sometimes I corrected and re-corrected my work until I wore holes in the paper with the eraser. A few years ago I thought to tell my psychiatric nurse practitioner about that, and she asked, “They didn’t seem to see a problem with that?” 😂
Good luck! What are you studying by the way, if you feel comfortable sharing it?
Yes, I do understand PERFECTLY all you 3 here in this thread. Well, I got my Master's Degree at the university in 2003, but still remember how awful it was with this pursuit of perfection. I remember when I once was speaking about it with a psychiatrist - and she reacted: "Oh, dear! You've done practically TOO much with your aim to get the best results". And she added: "I myself often was an underachiever in terms of my exam results during my academic studies of a doctor". After meeting this GP I thought it would have been good if I had seen her during my university studies. What do you think?
When studying at the university my main subject was Swedish (the Nordic language spoken in Sweden and in Finland), and the other subject was Russian language + Russian classic culture.
Hi all,Thank you so much for your kind replies. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has struggled with this and at the same time it's sad that so many others struggle too. It'd be nice if we didn't have to go through so much struggle with our OCD and perfectionism. I'm really missing having someone in real life to talk about it with who would understand. My psychologist recently left for a 6 month sabbatical and I haven't had chance to get to know my new one yet. And my friends have been busy, and my family wouldn't understand. So it's been nice to be able to come on here and read your responses. So thank you. Uni starts proper from tomorrow, so it'll be interesting to see how that effects my perfectionistic standards. As for your question helloworld22 I'm studying a Bachelor of Criminology through the law school. And my profile pic is a Pink Princess Philodendron, although I do also own a Stromanthe! Collecting indoor plants soothes me. 😊🪴🌱
What country are you in, may I ask? Are there laws protecting university students with disabilities? Can you document your OCD? Let me know if you'd like ideas for accommodations or adjustments to level the playing field, to request under those laws (if available where you live).
Regardless, this answer at StackExchange Academia might be helpful (read the question at the top of the page first): academia.stackexchange.com/...
I'm in Australia. There are definitely programs to help people with disabilities and I've already got support from them. I just don't want the OCD/perfectionism to overwhelm me beyond what even they can help me with.
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