I am at the point where my OCD is completely controlling my life. I need help but I started seeing a new therapist and she told me yesterday that she wanted to discontinue sessions because she felt “out of her depth” seeing someone with such “debilitating” OCD. Her only referral was to someone who no longer practices. Ive called over 30 therapists and I can’t find a single one who will work with me. I need help immediately because school and work are about to start and I am unable to do basic tasks right now because of intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, and compulsions that I spend a third of my day doing. I failed all my summer classes even though I’m a 3.8 GPA student, I am losing friendships and damaging family relationships because I am to scared to be near anyone and will have full blown panic attacks about them getting me sick if they try to come near me. This pandemic has honestly broken me and I’m seriously about to give up. I am so sorry to vent but I am just exhausted and would do anything for help or advice at this point and I can’t stress enough how much this is destroying my life.
-Ael
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squid22
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Hello, I’m new here but I want to try and give advice.
First, if there aren’t any therapist near by that can help you, you can try NOCD app which I think let’s you find a therapist to have a video session with. Or you can google and see if there are any online therapist to video chat with.
Secondly, I’d like to ask, and you don’t have to answer, what your thought process is if you get near someone. I mean, do you believe something bad will happen if you get close to them, like you will harm them or will they harm you? And do you feel compelled to not be near them so you don’t feel anxiety? I’m wondering how I can recommend a way for you to slowly fight back your OCD. For example, you can practice getting close to people slowly. Practice with someone you trust where at first you are let’s say six feet or less, and you stay like that. You face the anxiety, but not so much that you will have a panic attack. Try that for a couple of days or a week and then get closer. It will be hard to face the anxiety but the more you withstand it in long periods of times, the stronger you get to fighting OCD.
Third, if you haven’t already, try to be open with your family and friends. Tell them you are struggling and have OCD. Try to see if they understand. If not, know that this community is here for you.
Lastly, look online to see what types of OCD you have. I mean I was making my profile for an app for OCD and I discovered there are areas of OCD that fit what I have.
I’m sorry you are going through such horrible pain. I really mean it. But please don’t give up. If you have to get angry to fight OCD and keep kicking at life, get mad. Don’t forget there is always a way. And if not, make your own way.
Thank you for that advice I will definitely download the app!
As far as my anxiety with being near people it’s because of Covid. I have a paralyzing fear of illness and germs, and have extreme hypochondria. If I get near someone my brain convinces me they got me sick and I spend hours just listening to myself breathe and counting my breaths after. Same thing for if I go to the store or touch something other people may have touched.
I appreciate your kind words it’s just so debilitating and really feels like no one understands. Everyone in my life thinks I’m crazy, and they’re honestly right I just wish I could turn off my brain.
I have a problem with germs and such too. And I hate the feeling that no one understands. It sucks SOOOOOO much!
I’d like to say this but if you’ve already heard it I’m sorry for rambling you can skip this bit:
1) if you wear a mask and stay 6 feet from people you should be okay.
2) signs of Covid show within 2 weeks. And if you don’t have any autoimmune illnesses, even if you get it I think you would be okay. At least that’s what I’ve heard. It will probably still hurt.
3) if your friends and family have been quarantined for at least 2 weeks you should be safe to hang out with them. If they are going out or touching people or not standing 6ft from strangers then they are definitely NOT helping your OCD. If they have been quarantined and you still are worried you can sit across from them.
Okay, now back to OCD.
First, you aren’t crazy. You have to tell them that. If they keep saying you are crazy then you should look for others who believe in you and will support you. I sometimes feel I’m crazy. I ask my mom if certain things I’m thinking or compulsions I’m doing are crazy. (note: you shouldn’t try to confess OCD or compulsions since that will compel OCD to trigger more. You can vent here on the community or write it down and face the anxiety. If it doesn’t get better for a while like even days then maybe just tell someone who supports you so you aren’t hurting yourself for too long. Just lasting days is still a really good job.) My mom reassures me I’m not crazy and that I’m not alone. We are in it together. Sure we may not specifically understand certain things we face all the time, but we understand the pain.
I too wish I can turn my brain off. I’m fighting so hard. And it can be so hard. But I remember a time when I was able to fight back and think quietly.
Your time will come. You will be able to live your life.
And, if your therapist just bluntly said your OCD is “debilitating” in a none gentle way than she sucked as a therapist. It’s good she recognized she couldn’t be the right fit for you, but if she wasn’t being supportive or helpful it’s probably for the best you find another therapist.
With therapist you just have to search for a while until your find the right one for you. The right match. The person that will be on the same emotional wavelength as you and help be there for you while also help combat your OCD.
P.S. a way I’ve kind of dealt with germs is that, I know I can’t escape them. They are everywhere and there are sometimes healthy germs. And if I somehow get sick by germs, it’s too late I can’t change what’s happened. I can only face it now.
A way to practice touching dirty things is, try touching 3 things you think are dirty once a day.
Can I ask what you meant by don’t confess, it makes it worse? Everything else I totally understand.. just curious.
I also agree that finding the right therapist is important, the one mentioned by squid22 doesn’t sound right for anyone... what kind of therapist would say that? But at least squidd22 can move on instead of wasting time with the wrong one. We’ve had a bad experience with a therapist too, not fun trying to get my daughter to go to another after that.
When I say confess I mean sometimes I’ll have an OCD thought or intrusive thought that makes me paranoid or anxious if I’m a bad person or if I’m a monster etc. I’ll confess or ask my mom for reassurance and this doesn’t help me beat my OCD because I’m not facing the anxiety that comes with it.
Hi...I am SO sorry you are struggling. Have you considered an inpatient program? My daughter benefited greatly from the OCDI program at McClean in Massachusetts. I wish you the best. I know how debilitating this disorder is.
There aren’t any near me and I’m honestly to the point where if I leave the house I completely shut down due to covid fears... I don’t know that being in a place with other people would do anything to help even if I could get out of state because I am paralyzed with fear being around people right now
Its nice to hear your daughter benefitted from the residential program at McLean. I want to go to residency but afraid to be in a strange place with no family around. Did the program really help your daughter? Were you allowed to visit her there whenever you wanted?
Do the therapist spend time with the patients to help them with the exposures when scared.
Please elaborate on your daughters stay at Mc Lean
Hi....I can honestly say that Mclean saved my daughter's life. She was hardly able to function before she went there. And yes, we were allowed to visit at any time. They desire and encourage as much family involvement as possible including weekly meetings with her and her therapist. Because I lived 6 hours away my weekly meetings were via video call. And I was able to communicate with her treatment team anytime I wanted. She was diagnosed with OCD at age 3, so we had been to countless therapists, specialists, psychiatrists, counselors, etc and no one was as competent as the wonderful doctors and therapists at the OCDI. Not only are they experts in what they do, they are truly the most compassionate people we have ever met. She also met lifelong friends during her stay. Friends who know what she is going through because they suffer with the same disorder. My daughter first went there when she was 18. She is now 21. I wish you well. There is hope with the right treatment!
This is so amazing to hear because I relate sooo much to your daughter just based off what little you shared with me. We are just about the same age, and were diagnosed at similar ages, funny enough. Once everything is a little safer (hopefully soon) I will definitely consider finding the closest out of state treatment facility. I am so happy to hear your daughter got the care she deserves. It gives me a lot of hope.
it can be a right pain .but as ive said to others ...you are not alone ...we have all been through the terrible times ....nothing shocks us anymore ..people are made to be near each other thats what we do we are socially joined together...we kiss we tou h .we push by we picj up kids when they fall we hug babies .....and we have intimate relationships.....so take the risks get your life back ....people are NOT dropping like flys .....it the ocd way of thinking ....not you ....so start now reach out and touch the world ....its all waiting there for you ...we are ALL the same .....good luck
I completely understand what you are going through. I am also a student with OCD and intrusive thoughts, and dealing with these things so young and being so busy with school is absolutely a pain.
Some things that has helped me is when these intrusive thoughts come into your head, label them as 'anxiety', not 'reality'.
When it comes to panic attacks and coping with them, use the muscle tension technique. Basically you tense each muscle group (arms, hands, face, shoulders, stomach, legs and feet) one at time while breathing in and telling yourself affirmations, including 'I am strong', 'My thoughts cannot control the future', 'My future is bright', etc. Hold your breath while thinking 'So..." and then breathe out and say "Relax....". Practice this a couple times a day, just practicing, even when I'm not having a panic attack, have helped prevent them a lot.
The fear of getting sick is completely valid at this time. Using the correct safety precautions is the best thing you can do. Practicing social distancing, wearing a mask, sanitizing your items, and washing your hands is key. I completely understand the fear of going out also. Again, taking the safety precautions is key!! We are all going through this weird time together and we will get through this time together!
There are also some TED Talks about OCD that made me feel less alone. Also people on here that helps remind me that OCD is something many people fight through everyday. So you are not alone.
I hope my post helped a little bit. Good luck with your upcoming school and work. You got this.
I am sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time. I understand. I recommend looking into a PHP (partial hospitalization program) or IOP (intensive outpatient program) at a place that specializes in anxiety and OCD. I did this (as well as residential treatment) and it helped so much. I know this is not available/financially doable for everyone though.
I am so glad this has reached so many people. I think at this point it’s safe to say I will not have any luck any time soon finding a mental health professional who specializes or has knowledge in treating OCD. I have exhausted every resource, and called everyone within a 60 mile radius- and many beyond that. Sadly, the middle of nowhere Missouri is not the best place to find mental health care. I have taken to painting to fill my days, and hopefully can keep working to be able to do some of the simple every day things again. The semester has started and I am terrified of what comes next, but wish me luck I guess, it’s really all I have !
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