My OCD is ruining my life.

[Optimistic_22]

I want to paint a clear picture. Since the coronavirus . I have quiet my job and school is over. I unfortunately had to stop working because son is high risk and I have no health insurance. So now I try to fill my day and be productive. I garden, do chores , take dog for a walk and cook/clean of course. My downfall is I still have the anxiety and OCD I never fixed since being locked up it has made my symptoms so much worse. I wish I could just go to work and work on myself . I hate this virus.

Daily my OCD kicks in no matter what I do I cant distract myself. My heart starts racing I get cripples by the same OCD thought and then finally I react/ flip out on OCD issue.

So for example Ive been gardening for the first time and found some obvious problems about my garden due to some direct and indirect things neighbor has done to their yard.

I talked to my neighbor they said talk to co op. Im trying to solve these issues such as trench directed in my yard in such. Now I feel so uncomfortable going in my yard due to my neighbor making negative comments at me after I asked them to please fix the problem.

I know that Im right in the situation but hate how my OCD makes me focus every thought on this problem.

This week is all Ive been worried about and have got nothing else done because of. Ive texted my friend about this problem for advice. My home unit is done hearing about. I cant stop thinking about till the co op where I live fixes the problem.

The only thing is this is the story of my life. Theres always a problem big or small and I never feel at rest always in a fight or flight response. I think Im my own worst enemy and create at least 80% of my problems. I hate taking care of issues and procrastinate as long as possible. Leading up to issues just worry about. I never feel content. Just emotional and upset when its all over with issue. I don’t know how to conduct myself professionally then issues arise and act on impulse 99% of the time. Im a anxiety OCD rollercoaster daily. The only thing I have going for me is my walks with my dog.

Im also getting very depressed. I have a hard time instituting change. It so hard just to be me.

I still haven’t take care pf the yard issue with maintenance and feel defeated.

I just want to be happy and at peace. Stop or control my OCD. So my family can feel secure and happy. I feel my son thats a teen has better control of hos emotionals and worries about me. I want to be a role model. I feel sad tired, broken , lonely and defeated by myself.

Any suggestions on how to cope with OCD thoughts?

Therapies like ERT?

Also suggestions on Anxiety coping?

I have to be very active daily to sleep at night sometimes find myself crippled by my OCD and not getting anything accomplished.