Complicated life with OCD

Hi I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 15 now I'm 21 and since then nothing is going well like I dropped out of highschool I have big and serious issues with my parents especially my mom is driving me crazy at this moment I'm not complaining about my OCD or the unbearable life I have I wanna discuss the problems with my momMy mom is so provocative I tried to kill myself twice because of her behaviours she is always making me lose my mind no matter how much you talk to her explaining the shit I am going through and the outcome of her behaviour she never really had responsibility over her actions. Last time we had a serious conversation which as normal made me so angry and I told her I swear to god I am gonna keep cutting my hands I don't wanna live in the world you live in you re so provocative you re making things worse she just casually hang up the call and in the morning she was so calm blaming me for trying to kill myself

The problem is normally when you hate someone so much and it affects you so badly you just stop talking to him no talk at all but since I have OCD and I tried all SSRIs in 7 years I need her help there is no one but her and with her stupid actions she just make things more complicated and unbearable and she admitted more than once that she took a wrong decision which made everything worse because she just didn't know what is right but she is still repeating again and again

You can't say I wanna help you at the same time you say okay kill yourself it is up to you I will go to bed for the third time. My arm now looks completely distorted with scars.

Sorry for writing such a long message. Any advice how can I deal with that ?

[deValentin]

It looks like you’re in psychological distress and you’re cutting yourself as a short-term means to relieve your distress. In the long run, it doesn’t solve anything, but, in the moment, you can’t help it because you don’t see any other way to feel better. You don’t receive the support you’d expect from your family, which makes things worse. I know how you feel.

Maybe it’s time to look for other sources of emotional support and well-being. It’s a long process, but it’s better to give up behavior patterns that a wise advocate would suggest you give up. It’s like the situation of the owner of an old car who should give up investing money in repairs at a certain point and abandon hope that this time the last repair will last. Have you tried talking to friends and other family members, a healthy lifestyle, Exposure and Response Prevention for your OCD, nurturing positive passions in your life like music or dance, goal setting, a fulfilling occupation, etc.? Ask yourself what you would do if the problems with your mother and OCD were solved, and do it in spite of the difficulties. Aim long term. What kind of life would you like to have 1, 2, 10 years from now? Giving in to compulsions like self-injury or OCD is like drug-consumption, it feeds itself. The more you do it, the more you need to do it because it makes you feel worse in the end. If you can prove to yourself you can live without self-destructive compulsions, they become less invasive, you can better focus on other interests, you develop other sources of satisfaction, your self-esteem improves, and the need to engage in compulsions lessens, and so on. It’s a virtuous cycle. I wish you the best on your journey towards a better life.

[ISTY]

I’m sorry but it seems your mom does not understand what you need from her. If you can try and do what you need to for yourself with your therapist’s support and start taking steps on your own you might feel empowered and more free. I’m sorry it’s so hard. Give yourself small goals and take one step at a time. Good luck.

[SCC1]

Hi OCDTurtle. I can relate so much to your issues with your mom. (Circumstances beyond my control have resulted in me having to live with my mother-temporarily- BC I have nowhere else to go...unfortunately.)

My mom's behavior doesn't make any sense either. She is a true narcissist and gets disgusted and angry at me for the slightest things, which is anything she doesn't agree with or like me saying or doing. She has mental issues but they are not diagnosed. She is immature and can't handle her emotions. In one period of time, she can be nice-we talk and have a good time-then within a half hour her attitude will change and she'll be disgusted again. It's been happening all my life. Every time I want to talk to her about something, serious or not, she never understands and makes comments that don't make any sense and asks the same questions over and over in that one discussion. They are all pointless conversations, even though I'm always hoping it will be different with "this" one, because I need and want her to understand what I'm saying and to talk to me about things. But, it never is. It's frustrating, and I think, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I wish she were dead sometimes. I get so angry at her and my OCD gets worse because of the symptoms I get from her behaviors. She blames me and doesn't take responsibility either. Her attitude problem is what gets us into fights, yet she says it's my doing BC I yell at her so much. Part of the reason I yell (but not the way she makes it out to be), is BC I'm trying to get through to her, but I can't because she just doesn't get anything! Sometimes I think I wish I had never met her. These are the bad times, which happen at some point every day, sometimes many times. She gives me the silent treatment for 2-3 days on avg when she's a little mad, and when she gets irrationally and ridiculously mad, it has been up to 5-7 days at a time. And, I am 49 yrs old.

Sorry, I don't have any help to offer-I can't get away from her right now, physically, since we both have to be in the same house and I don't even know what to do.

I just wanted to share my experiences with you BC I know how maddening it can be to live with someone who you are just trying to survive being with.

I wish you all the best, truly.

[SCC1]

I would just like to add, try not to let your mom have that much power in your life. You are 2 separate people. Her behaviors are affecting you, but they are hers. There's not really too much you can do to stop them, so maybe just mentally distance yourself from her. Think of her ways as annoying or however you would classify them, and even though it may be hard, try not to get swept away by them.

And, please don't self-harm anymore. As I mentioned, don't allow her to have that much power. Also, don't let anyone purposefully or unknowingly, dictate how you want to live your life, because it is your life!

[TomFed]

I'm sorry to hear what you have to go through, but reality is we can only fix ourselves, as other people, their perceptions of reality, all their good and bad character traits are beyond our control. It is clear that in many cases OCD and other mental disorders are highly influenced by genetics and our upbringing. I have a neurotic mother who herself has had undiagnosed anxiety issues (quite likely OCD) her whole life, and I know how highly her emotional problems influenced me when I was a kid. It was one of the reasons why I became very rebellious in my teenage years, and left my parents home immediately after graduating from high school. I even started my first jobs at the age of 15 for same reasons, and to become financially free. Now twenty years later, my relationship with my mother (and my father who was never influential in my upbringing) are quite fine, we don't see each other often, but I even try to help her out with her own mental problems, teach her meditation and so on. It took years to forgive, but I now fully understand that the way she treated me and my sister when we were kids is because she didn't know better and had very harsh upbringing herself. So our situations might be somewhat different, as it is often harder to forgive a narcissistic person (my mom is just a sweet kind-hearted anxious old lady now), but don't bother with these niceties for now. First, you have to cut off the cord with your mother in one way or another and set boundaries in your interactions if they don't do you any good. As OCDers, we can't control our obsessions, but it's up for us to not do compulsions and get help to heal. You gotta learn to love yourself!

[OCD_SOS]

I love all of these amazing comments! I can totally relate to your situation, I have severe Contamination and Perfection OCD. My parents didn't understand and didn't listen when I would try to explain it to them. Some context, my family is definitely not the lovey dovey safe space type. You either cry and get ignored or man up and deal with it. Obviously this can be very hard with OCD or mental illnesses in general because its not something you can get over just like that. It's also hard when you don't have anyone to talk to about it. For me it just kind of builds and builds inside me until I let it out in once big explosion that I later regret. It's not good to be holding all of that in. Currently your mom isn't a great source but I'm glad you turned here for help before giving up. I know it seems like it's all her fault at the moment but remember that you're the one that can control the way you react to her. I've had the same thoughts about suicide but then I realized, why am I ruining my life just to get a reaction out of someone? It's really counter productive if you think about it. So I've decided that I need someone else to talk to. That's why there are communities like this. Remember that you're not alone in this and that everyone is here to help. Would you be willing to share what kind of OCD you have so that we can further help you cope and hopefully overcome your stressors in your life? For me I have tried Exposure therapy. Basically you slowly expose yourself to things you feel are contaminated or unsafe and sit in that uncomfortableness until that anxiety is gone. It is a hard and slow process but it really helps. Remember, if you have any other questions or just need to rant, we're always here. Love you OCDTurtle and never give up!