OCD is ruining my life

[Blackbanana]

I've had depression for 10+ years. But nothing makes me more sick of life than my ocd and anxiety does. Depression is hard. Listening to my family talk and not having the mental motivation or physical strength to get up and participate is hard. But nothing makes me more sick of life than my ocd. I am constantly exhausted. I am constantly uncomfortable. I wash my hands until they crack and burn. I think about germs so hard that my head hurts. It feels like I have spiders on my skin. My body doesn’t feel like mine. My skin. Its foreign and dangerous to me. My own skin. Nothing is mine. Nothing is safe. Oh no, don't scratch behind your ear you touched that at work. Don't twirl your hair, you fixed it at work. Don't touch your eyebrows. Don't scratch that itch on your nose that's absolutely driving you insane. Wash your hands 50 times a day. Use sanitizer until the fumes give you a headache and makes your throat burn. I never feel safe. When I say I'm thinking about germs 24/7 I mean that. That's not an exaggeration even in the slightest. I wish it was. But it's not. Every minute. Every day. I'm so tired. I'm mentally worn out. When I'm washing my hands for the 50th time. When my hands burn from the chemicals that aren't meant to be used on human skin. I feel so defeated. I feel so hopeless. I feel like this is never ending. Not really. Therapy can help. Medicine can help. But it's not gonna go completely away ever. And nothing gives me the fleeting urge to give up like that feeling does.

[LuvSun]

I’m so sorry to hear how distressed you are with your OCD. All of us on here have OCD and have to deal with the thoughts, anxiety, pain everyday but please read through this forum at past posts, etc. You will see that your OCD can get better where it is not taking over your life completely. You can find your inner peace 😌 Hopefully you are getting some outside help? Hang in there

[Blackbanana in reply to LuvSun]

Hello, thank you for your response. I am currently looking for a therapist or psychiatrist for help, but so far have no experience with any. I haven’t had much luck finding anyone who specializes in OCD near me or that is within my pay range. Thank you for your encouragement, I will definitely be checking those posts out; I am very new here (only a couple days). I so appreciate your thoughtfulness and response.

[Truename12]

You are a good writer. Do you write stories or poems?

[Blackbanana in reply to Truename12]

Thank you so very much, I do sometimes write, mostly poems when I’m having intense emotions.

[ISTY in reply to Blackbanana]

Keep writing your thoughts out! That’s can be very therapeutic and freeing. Be sure to get at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise every day too and try taking magnesium supplements. NOCD is an affordable and convenient therapy option. Keep your chin up!!

[Truename12]

Have you read the book OC Daniel? Written by a man with OCD himself.

[Blackbanana in reply to Truename12]

I will be ordering that one soon; I haven’t heard of it yet. Thank you for the recommendation!

[sportsfan01]

I’m so sorry to hear this man. Though my ocd doesn’t manifest in this way I can understand how exhausting this can be. And while yes it will never completely go away that is true, but, we have to accept life for what it is and how it is. You can manage this, with proper help, therapy, medication. Whatever it may be, please seek out help. You don’t have to do this alone. Seek out God’s guidance. Spend time in prayer and reading God’s word. I know prayer can be tough when you’re mind is constantly racing. But God wants you to lay your burdens onto him. He created you and knows you better than yourself what your problems are. And he’s better equipped to deal with those problems. Things will get better I promise. These things seem to come in waves, when you feel like you’re hitting a wall, seek help. I’ll be praying for you

[Blackbanana in reply to sportsfan01]

Thank you for your prayers and kind words ❤️

[PinetownTree]

I'd highly recommend you pick up the book Freedom From OCD, whether you go though it on your own or with someone else it'll help you understand much on your journey to get better.

[SuperHigh]

I am so sorry to hear you... for my case is like you...

[lml885]

Meditation, magnesium, L Theanine,Vitamin D, the occasional benzo like clonazepam for really bad days when you can’t calm down, and focused exercise like yoga, or immersing yourself in hiking can all be great. Practicing gratitude for any needs you are getting met, for not suffering as badly as others in some ways, and distracting yourself can also help a lot as well. Also addressing trauma through EMDR and cognitive distortions are good too.

[OldiesFan]

I just joined this forum, but I want to say I completely relate--my OCC presents much as yours does, and I'm mentally exhausted by it too. I hope you're able to find some relief somehow.

[Blackbanana in reply to OldiesFan]

wishing you relief as well, thank you and welcome to the forum!

[Flora62]

I completely understand the struggle when having both depression and anxiety OCD. I've been living with both since 2012 and it's gotten worse, The limitations to having a normal life in itself is so sad, losing everything u once cherished, happiness, hope, friends, even materialistic stuff. And no one that truly understands is a lot.