OCD destroying my life

[Irishred317]

I’m 44 yrs old and been struggling with OCD since I was 19. I gave birth to my daughter and literally a couple days later I started having OCD religious thoughts. I couldn’t pray or go into a church. Nightmares of me going to hell. Then I started washing my hands continuously, couldn’t use public restrooms without freaking out, and if I went to doctors office I had to shower because I was freaked about contracting something. My OCD would even effect my dreams. Lucky me it got worse. Sexual thoughts that make me want to puke. I hate myself for the thoughts. Like why would I ever think this shit. I’m in hell. I would never act on any of these thoughts. I beat myself up for ever having the initial OCD thought. So I’m on a hamster wheel for years of the same thought.

[Hidden]

I am sorry that you are going through a rough time.

I have hard time dealing with obsessive thoughts.

I learnt in therapy that accept the thoughts, and try not to fight them.

The more we try to resist these thoughts, the stronger they will become.

When you accept a thought, that does not mean that we agree with what it is saying.

Sit with the anxiety, facing the feared consequences.

As the thoughts occur, the anxiety is high, but slowly with time, it will get lesser.

The thoughts will fade away in the background of our mind.

Hope you feel better.

[Selesnya]

Have you seen a therapist that specializes in OCD? It is certainly possible to get better, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

[Irishred317 in reply to Selesnya]

I am seeing a therapist. I might just have to find another.

[Mabelocd]

Oh, I know how you feel. The pain is awful.

Try to ease up on yourself for the thoughts. Every human has these awful thought, but we just get stuck on them because of OCD.

If you truly were the terrible person you fear you are, the thoughts wouldn't bother you a bit.

[Tikirob]

As a great mentor once told me “you are having perfectly normal ocd thoughts”

This is our disorder - exactly what you described.

And once you have conquered one fear a new one pops up and keeps the cycle going.

What has helped me lately is realizing OCD is a horrible disorder to have. It’s as bad as most of the things we fear. It robs us of joy, time, health, autonomy, sleep and dreams.

So why should I be so concerned with all these extra worries when I already have a disorder that controls my life?

As another mentor told me, “Ocd can sit in the car but I won’t let it drive.”

Please do me one favor, at some point tomorrow pick a place on a wall or look at something that resembles ocd when you are alone and tell it off. Tell it how you feel about it, how much you dislike it, and tell it you understand it’s there but you have a life to live, so you will hear it but you are not going to listen to it anymore.

[fogwise]

Irishred, I saw your post and wondered how you're doing. Have you found someone who can help you with ERP, like Selesnya mentioned? I can relate to the thoughts getting stuck and feeling like 'I'm going to live with this for the rest of my life.' Hope things are well, or better !