OK, I have had 6 major obsessions after a stressfull event. Although all 6 lasted more than 3 weeks and have all ruined my life, only 2 obsessions, a past one and the current one I am on, render my life meaningless and make me, well, lose all hope.
I have had obsessions like "what is the point if we are going to die", and "if human emotions are just chemicals, are we just a bunch of atoms stuck in place and have 0 meaning what so ever?"
The theme of my obsession keeps switching once I finally overcome the past one.
My current one- I am unsure of how to perceive...well people. Please read below.
1) I live my life through 1st person- through my vision and thoughts. No matter how self aware I am, I will never be aware of how my hair, overall face, posture, clothes, I will never be accurately aware of how I appear to the outer world.
2)Obviously, my self image, and my "true" personality that I only know, no one else knows. They just know my surface level, and see me through my body and clothes etc.
3)In the same way, every other human I see.......I perceive wrongly. I see their body, their clothes, hair, etc, aspects they do not intentionally control completely when talking.
Is their outward appearance really them? I am uncertain whether or not 3rd person view is accurate, I do not know how to see other people, I am confused as to whether or not see them the only way I see people, through 3rd person, which is wrong (somwhat), and accept I will never know their true personality because I will never know what it is. IDK. I hope you understand.
I know this sounds far fetched from OCD, but like I have many symptoms of Pure ocd and existential OCD, and would like advice from you people (aside from seeing a therapist).
I am depressed, have spent 2 years in obsessional hell, and ruined my life. I cannot to homeowork, take a shower, eat food, without questioning reality and just feeling like an alone person in a dark universe, all alone.