suicide

[thelwell]

10 days ago I drank half a bottle of whisky cried out to God that I was now in his hands and passed out for 6 hours.I know hypothermia is a peaceful way to go and maybe people would think it was an accident and not be cross.Somehow I rang 999 and was saved ..just.I have had 14 weeks in mental hospitals and knew I was going to get admitted for the 6th time as I had suicidal thoughts.I found a charity called Maytree and have just spent 5 days there.The wonderful,unique,compassionate people there talked so openly with so much care and understanding..I was completely humbled.Most are volunteers who give up their free time for people like me.They made me feel I was worth it !! They gave me more help in 5 days than any stay in hospital where you are treated for the most part appallingly.I still have a way to go but I will never go to a mental hospital again...only in handcuffs !! I have always managed to go informally.I hope this helps anyone thinking of suicide.

[Suzie40]

I'm so glad you have experienced this. Are they an organisation you can stay in touch with? X

[thelwell]

They follow up with a phone call after 2 weeks.They know I am having support at home from my cmht`. I guess if I wasnt they would get other nhs authorities involved.You can only go there once in times of acute crisis and not return.I think because they are a small charity.It would be great if there were more in Britain.One pschyiatrist [I have seen 8]!! In as many months...said in 2014 they are changing the way in which they diagnose mental health problems, and people like me[moderate to severe depression with complex emotional problems] should not be locked in mental hospitals.I have been telling them that for 8 months !That is why I attempted suicide..I coulndt deal with another stay.

[Suzie40]

Your poor thing, it sounds like you've had such a tough time. Was it really awful in hospital for that long? I haven't got a scooby what it would be like, but I've always been curious ...

[thelwell in reply to Suzie40]

It was awful, I escaped three times but always had to go back cos I couldnt cope.I have had 5 admissions since September 2012.I was threatened by a nurse,physically assaulted and verbally abused by a patient.I was given the wrong drugs....then they ran out of other drugs so two patients smashed up the ping pong table.A patient tore down all the curtains and rails round my bed and terrified me.I had things stolen and another patient framed me for theft..luckily I was friends with the girl whose things were found in my locker.A nurse tried to tell me I was diabetic and was going to prick my finger to take blood..when he checked on the board it was a man whose name was under mine.I had to wear my coat in bed in the early days as they didnt turn the heating on.I had a cup of tea thrown over me.I waited two hours to see my key nurse...you are supposed to have a 1 to 1 two to three times a week.I had two in 14 weeks.At Maytree I had eight in five days ! On my last admission a young woman threatened to kill me.That is why I knew if I saw the outpatient Psychiatrist and said the wrong thing I would go in again.Suicide really did seem the better option...as I am never going back to hospital,but am often plagued with suicidal thoughts.

[hamble99b]

Thelwell, you are worth it!

I am sorry that you've been having such a rough time, but am relieved you called 999.

The Maytree sounds wonderful and I'm so glad that you found it, thank you for sharing it with us.

I hope that what you learned there will continue to help you.

regards,

sandra.

[Hidden]

Hi

What a rough time you've been having. It's great that you found a really helpful organisation and that things have picked up for you. It sounds as though you've managed to find your belief in humanity again and that's a good start for continuing to improve.

Do you have any other sources of support? I wonder whether you might find joining the local branch of Mind helps - they can be supportive and most of the workers have experience of their own mental health issues.

Keep moving up, life's too short to give in to depression.

Suexx

[Photogeek]

Hi Thelwell, you have had a very hard time, but your posting is very heartwarming, Thank goodness you had the courage to phone 999. Please look after yourself and don't let yourself get so far down again. Depression is hard and we have to fight it all the way, and do things to help ourselves. I am so glad that you found Maytree, they sound so caring and thats what you need when your Depressed

.

You need someone, even one person can make a world of difference, we all need a loving hand up now and then, and that is why we are on this earth. Could you also find another support Group to go to now, so that your recovery will progress and you will meet and learn from others in similar situations. I find listening to how others deal with lifes problems helps me.

Take care and stay in touch.

Hannah

[thelwell]

Thanks everyone for your comments.After Maytree ,I have just come back from staying with friends in Wales...giving me two weeks rest from home and trying to avoid another hospital stay.I just hope I make it.