Bullies everywhere

[marigold22]

I had thought I had recovered from a 36 year illness, which was Hypothyroid (low thyroid gland output), and have had loads of energy. Until September 2017 I was still getting suicidal periods, agoraphobia, anxiety, bad depression, and they have definitely gone. But the last week or two, I seem to have attracted bullies. Admittedly with my agoraphobia I hardly ever put my head outside the front door - only if I absolutely had to go buy groceries. Over the last few months I have been happily going out, getting involved with a charity shop volunteering, trying to help people on both the Thyroid section and this section of healthunlocked. Every day for one week at least, I have had to defend myself from verbal, emotional and mental abuse. I had a horrendous evening yesterday where a neighbour was hammering, drilling, doing DIY, he has over the last few months been doing those DIY things up to 11pm. He lives two doors away from me, so his noise was travelling through two terraced houses. I went round to politely point out to him that his noise travels through two houses. He denied that he does DIY any other time apart from during the day which is a blatant lie, he insinuated that I have a mental health condition, as he has done with the lady who lives in between him and me. She most definitely does not have a mental health condition, she is a really lovely lady. So there was the spat with a neighbour who had pushed me to my limit. Then my 37 year old son came round asking for money. When I pointed out to him that I had paid bills for him amounting to £600 in July whilst he was away sunning himself in Italy, I did that to keep him out of trouble as he had started to have bailiffs contacting him. I'm on a pension and can't really afford not to have it repaid. I have never had my £600 back from him. So I got extremely angry with him; and he in turn threatened to have me sectioned.

Is the Devil following me? Am I like a magnet to these abusive people? In fact they are all men. Is that a coincidence? Men have always abused me - I have been abused financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally by ex partners. I thought I was better but it's still coming at me, but I am well enough to defend myself now and attempt to bat them off. But then it gets nasty. Before this year I just used to take it, then go to bed for a week and feel suicidal. Can anyone help me please to understand what is happening to me? I have become like a tortoise - putting my head out of my shell, then quickly putting it back in again. These people (men) are making me lose confidence and my self esteem again, why are they targeting me when I have so much compassion and love for people, and am a bubbly confident person when I am happy

and not abused

[gkskfangs]

again, i'm sorry to hear about what had happened to you. to have two men coming at you and ruining your day and making you feel worse and affected like this is just too much. i know it takes a lot of effort for you to actually go out only to have your confidence crushed to pieces again. you mentioned about men always being the ones who abuse you in many aspects despite you being a compassionate and caring person, and i think that is truly unfair on how they treat you and took you for granted, really because you're such a nice lady. someone once told me that it is pretty common for people who are kind and nice to others to be treated so badly in return, and to me that is just really unfair and needs to stop. i know that this has somewhat traumatised you. i couldn't help much but i hope you would spend a good time treating yourself to something warm and cosy, wishing that you would feel better soon (while i pray for the world to be a better place and people to be more understanding). xx

[marigold22 in reply to gkskfangs]

Thanks so much for your kind reply. Just that apart from hiding away again, I don't know how to put it right x

[marigold22 in reply to gkskfangs]

I think actually it was bullying that you suffered from earlier life at school and college. So really our problems are the same. Teenagers are particularly bad around age 13 for bullying, in gangs of either girls or boys. Girls can be very bitchy. At school I chose to have one very close friend and we stuck together. We had each others' backs, so I fortunately didn't suffer bullying at school or college. Bullying seemed to start once I started working, but I was a bit dim and didn't realise what they were doing to me ! Nowadays, it's only men who bully me. Although I don't have any close female friends. I started working as a volunteer at a local charity shop when I first stuck my head outside my front door a couple of months ago. In that shop it was a 28 year old man who was a bully, and the manager woman used to confide in me how much she hated him, with tears in her eyes. I couldn't stand the atmosphere in that shop so I quit after only 6 weeks. So I walked away for my own sanity. The manager said she would like to meet up for a cup of coffee in the new year, (she obviously liked me) but I don't want to have to explain about my life to her, so won't meet up. Now there's other bullying going on by men towards me.

[Stilltrying_]

Sometimes we just seem to hit periods like this. Noise is one of the worst irritants and you have my sympathies. I have had my property sound proofed because I could not cope with the noise from next door. Walls are too thin for the activities todays people engage in. What an idiot your neighbour denying he's doing DIY at that time. And to cap it all your son coming round and asking for money. It's just unlucky; no-one is actually targetting you but it can feel horrible when we seem attacked from several fronts.

I've noticed how much you support people on this forum and you sound like a lovely lady and it sounds like the volunteering is a really positive step forward too. So just write it off as a bad day and then maybe tomorrow will be a better day. When you get enough sleep you will feel renewed; that's when that idiot shuts up his banging!

Gemma Xx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello marigold,

I'm really sorry this has been happening to you. You have been so supportive on this community and you don't deserve to be treated in this way by anyone, let alone a family member.

I've just done a quick internet search and on the government website there is some advice about how to deal with noisy neighbours. The local council can investigate on your behalf.

gov.uk/how-to-resolve-neigh...

In regards to threatening behaviour by your neighbour or son, this would constitute domestic abuse in UK and you have the right to be protected. Here's another link: gov.uk/guidance/domestic-vi...

Do you have a mental health support worker or social worker or even your GP you can talk to?

Does anyone else here have a advice or suggestions?

Don't forget to keep our crisis support lines handy:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

SANE:sane.org.uk/what_we_do/supp...

Keep in touch, I hope you can get some resolution and help. Remember it is not your fault. You need someone to advocate on your behalf. Take care.

[marigold22 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you for your links. I have been sleeping. I know that my adrenal glands go low when I have been stressed or traumatised; in fact everyone's do. .. Me still trotting out medical facts !!

[ShinyB]

Have you come across something called EFT? I was incredibly sniffy about it when I first heard of it but... in those times of desperation I'm sure we all recognise! ... I did have a go, and it does make a difference. emofree.com/eft-tutorial/ta...

And please be clear that I am NOT suggesting it's your fault, and I know you can't change someone else's behaviour towards you. But you can change your response to it and build your own resilience to things.

It might not appeal to you - and it does sound pretty woo-woo - but, like with all these approaches, try it and take what you can from it.

I hope you are feeling less distraught today. My nutrition therapist has given me various supplements that are meant to help with the adrenals. Let me know if you want me to let you know about them in more detail.

Take care xx

[marigold22 in reply to ShinyB]

Hi and thanks. Yes I have come across Tapping, didn't know it was called EFT. I did have a try but I don't think it really worked for me. My adrenals were low yesterday and slept for around 4 hours in the daytime. I have had a stern word with myself, to not open my mouth at all if I sense there may be trouble around the corner. My lovely next door neighbour (a lady) did training in security. She has such incredible control, and it was her training which taught her that. I intend using my experiences of the last week to learn from it; and take it as a big lesson. Thanks so much

[ShinyB in reply to marigold22]

Yes, I'm a firm believer in just walking away from stuff that will cause aggro. With limited reserves it's so important to pick your battles wisely. The other thing I do is to give myself some 'reaction' time. ie walk away, mull it over, actively not respond until I've had some time away from whatever has got my goat. In a lot of cases, I then find I don't even feel it's worth while responding as it's ceased to matter to me! Saves me a lot of energy too!

[marigold22 in reply to ShinyB]

One of the spats I had this week was with my 37 year old son. He came round to my house this afternoon with his son (my grandson, aged 7) I was totally calm, was in and out of the kitchen, preparing food, and I had promised myself I would keep my mouth shut with my son unless spoken to. I listened to him from the kitchen, and realised if he was someone else's son I wouldn't like him much. He doesn't always eat when he brings my grandson around, but he did request some food; fortunately I had cooked too much so gave him a plateful. He sat on his i-phone and laptop with his food going cold, having ignored a cup of tea I had given him earlier. I just sat there with my grandson thinking how rude he is, but ok, let his food go cold, and I don't need a thank you anyway. I focused on my grandson, and only spoke to my son when he spoke to me. It went smoothly, I stayed calm, did a lot of ignoring and realised just how rude he is. It was a matter of being aware of just exactly what was happening, listening to my brain and heart and telling myself it's ok. Thanks

[ShinyB in reply to marigold22]

Family are the hardest ones to stay calm with!! You did great!