Suicide attempt

[bailey01]

I'm afraid to say three weeks ago I made a pathetic attempt on ending my life. I have been struggling the last 6 months , this being my third time in that time i've been off sick from work and that was playing on my mind. I had had quite a lot to drink nearly a week before so that probably didn't help and caused me sleepless nights and anxiety.

I have been prone to go overboard with alcohol in the past and haven't known when to stop but this has lessoned since I had my 7 year old son. Yes I'm ashamed to say I have a child. My dad had a problem with anxiety and alcohol and it killed him.

I have been on citalopram for about 5 years so that's obviously not working anymore so they've started me on mitrazapine which hopefully will help. I'm also on daizipam for the time being.

Just wondering if any one else has had similar experiences especially as I have a child and the massive guilt is there. It's sad to say I feel my life is over if I have to give up alcohol but I guess that feeling will pass when I feel better and if I can find something else to relax. The feelings are still there but I guess are getting less. It's doesn't help my partner is a musician so he's got something to help him relax but I guess I only go with him occasionally when he performs but alcohol helps me enjoy myself more.

I feel like every day is like groundhog day at the minute, take my meds, be visited by nurses to check my mood and feelings and trying to get through the day.

[pinkplasticball]

I will say that I was accused of forgetting or not caring about my kids when I told my psychiatrist about asking my dad, after drinking way too much, if he'd ever thought about suicide, so I know the feeling of being judged like that. I saw him once more after that and then left that office.

That being said, sometimes I think my kids are the main thing keeping me on this earth. I'm not going to lie and say I'd never thought about it. I've done some things that pushed the limit. But I've never intentionally set out to commit suicide, because every time I think about it I remember how devastated they'd be, and it gives me motivation to keep trying.

I'm glad you are getting treatment because your son, and the rest of your family would miss you sooo much. It may not be as soon as you'd like, but eventually it will get better. You just have to keep trying until you finally find something that makes you feel normal again.

Also, I'd try and abstain from alcohol as much as possible, as we know it lowers inhibitions and we do things sometimes we *never* would have done if we weren't drunk.

If you've ever read the statements of people who have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and survived, they all express a similar sentiment: "After I jumped, I realized that every problem I had in life was solvable, except for the fact that I had just jumped".

So don't make a choice that can't be taken back, try as long as you can and as many things as you can because you are important. You matter, you are unique and cannot be replaced. ❤️

[bailey01 in reply to pinkplasticball]

Thank you X X

[Kjk2017]

I get you I hope the tablets work for you

[kenster1]

hi its better not to drink on mirtazapine or at least drink less than usual I'm on them and they do mess you up with anxiety depressive moods for days after.your life may well be over if you continue with drinking also.think of your kid and family and what it would do to them.why don't you take up swimming with your son or an active sport both of you can do together while your partner is busy with his music.strange that I should say this but my need for a cigarette actually saved my life after a suicide attempt only due to the reason my lighter broke or I would have been dead ten years nearly by now.now I have two sons my own place and a job and ive been in some dark places and I'm here fighting just like you should.

[A_Survivor]

You are using words such as pathetic and ashamed. You should not feel these things. You are neither. You have a mental illness, you wouldn’t call someone with cancer pathetic would you? Going through a change of meds’ is hard enough without the pressure of trying to be normal in front of your child.

I will admit that alcohol got me through the bad times until I got my meds right. Maybe try and keep to a manageable level of booze, one that can take off the edge until the meds can be got right. One warning though. Diazepam and alcohol are a dangerous mix. They can cause suicidal feelings when mixed with booze. DONT.

Try and kick the diazepam if you feel alcohol is better to manage your depression. OR at least make a big gap between them. I mixed half a bottle of vodka a night with two diazepam and it almost killed me.

I’ll get criticism for saying these things. But it really is a survival game which is managed one day to the next. If stopping drinking is pushing you over the edge then FOR NOW don’t put that pressure on. You will get the meds right and will survive. Sending my and Gods love to you.

[Stilltrying_]

Just following this thread and I would like to thank A_survivor for their honesty. Personally I feel that being able to share this kind of information about drink etc. on a forum is very useful. We are not perfect beings. I have been attempting to cope with a mixture of meds and drink in the evening in order to sleep. I feel it is a vicious circle but not one I can end immediately. What I do is limit my intake as A_ survivor suggests and I feel this is more reasonable than people saying just take no alcohol as we do it for a reason. I mix my meds with alcohol in order to take the edge off the terrible feelings I have. I did not know about mixing diazepam and booze. I mix lorazapam with alcohol ( yes of course I know I shouldn't) I get everyday suicidal thoughts but had not made the link with this. Trouble is if I come off either I don't sleep and end up really really bad.

Point I'm making is that we are human and do these things for a reason but whatever it is we are engaging in we need to keep it as safe as possible be that drinking more than we should, self harm or whatever. We do these things to attempt to cope and it is a question of damage limitation in relation to the results of these actions. Saying that is more real than some of the prescriptive things which doctors and psychologists say. Yes in an ideal world we would not engage in these behaviours as we all know its not exactly the best but we do and that is real and we need to do our best to limit the damage.

Gemmalouise. X