Happiness not allowed here...

[Lush__x]

2nd weekend back home and went to see a mate ive not seen since october?!

Any way we ended up staying out in manchester for a bit and it was a laugh but still there are reminders everywhere of my ex.

My friend moved house a few months ago and i was yet to see it so we went back there and i stayed over.

all i could think was how lucky she was and i was so jealous. she has a gorgeous house in the country (which has always been my dream) and she lives with her boyfriend and dog and they have just had their 8 year aniversery. they are going to have a baby next year as well. She is a few years older than me (shes 27 this year) and her life hasnt been perfect, she lost her mum 5 years ago and has had depression, she also wont be able to do the career she wanted either so I know im lucky cos i have my mum and working towards my career (which i always thought id want over love) but now im at the point in my life where i want all that, and thought i was going to get it with my ex. Now its all gone and i have no hope of ever meeting someone and having my own family. i just dont see why anyone would want to be with me anyway! my mum says im daft and i will meet someone but loads of people dont and im so scared of being on my own.

Over the weekend i also went back to a lads house who i have history with, we have been speaking alot but im confused as to what he wants really. i think because i know him so well and we have been mates for 8 years its easy just to be with him.

I feel so guilty on my ex though. he would be so annoyed if he knew and no he would never take me back now. which may be a blessing in disguse due to how we was together so means i cant get back with him to make this pain just go away and fall into the same trap as before. But i cant help thinking life was more managable with him than without him.

my friends think im coping really well and seem like the old me again but i guess they just see me when im okay. not like now when i cant stop crying.

just so jealous of peoples happy lives, maybe people are only alowd a certain amount of happiness in their lives.

[Suzie40]

I feel like that sometimes. I look at people's houses on their Facebook profiles and I wonder how they are so posh and lovely. Then I look around mine and feel disgusted at myself for the way I live.

There's little point in anyone giving you the 'whole life ahead of you' talk, when you can't see any point in getting up tomorrow morning, is there?

Something I have learned, though, is that those with the biggest houses are rarely the ones with the biggest smiles. I know a guy who is very wealthy, has a successful career, owns loads of property, but is really miserable. And it's all because he is in his forties and hasn't had children. He used to say he was jealous of what I had? I found that incomprehensible!

I know other people who seem happy enough, but regret not sticking at uni and getting a degree. I just take mine for granted, I don't consider it to be one thing special.

From what I know about you, you see really lovely and very intelligent. Give yourself time to get over your ex. Play the field, make him jealous, have some fun and leve worrying abut settling down again until you're completed ready. When you split up with someone you, life seems pointless for a long time. You can't imagine how you ever got by without them. But you did! And you will again! X

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

Awww thank you I cant see things like that about myself really.

I cant rub his face in it though because id be gutted if he was doing that to me. ive been shopping again today so that took my mind off things but i was there this time last week so been thinking about that tonight =/

Cant believe its been nearly a month now

x

[Suzie40 in reply to Lush__x]

A month! That's flown by ....

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

Yeah next monday its a month - cant get my head round it, in one way i cant believe its been 4 weeks but on the other hand it feel like forever =/ x

[SueBeeSue]

Hi, Isn't it strange. If I'm honest, I get jealous of others too and like you have so much going for me, which makes me feel guilty to boot :-). It's so destructive isn't it. I totally agree with Susie you strike me as a lovely and very intelligent person (not to mention excellent taste in shoes ). It took quite a few toads before I found my prince. I'm sure time will help. Take care. Sue xx

[Lush__x in reply to SueBeeSue]

thank you sue I hope I do find my prince some day soon!! its just worrying incase i dont find anyone and im on my own!

x