ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lush__x]

Guess who has popped his ugly head up out of nowhere....the dreaded ex!!!!!!!!

I ignored his call a while back and i was strong and never messaged him or anything.

And then out of nowhere yesterday i gets a message off him "how are you doing love, hope your okay? x"

So me being me i text back saying "yeah im great ta....whos this?"

then straight away I gets a message saying "are you messing?! its me tom! x"

So i just ignored it...i only texed back to annoy him!

anyway ive just received another message off him saying...

"i suppose i expect you to not text back, but i just wanted to explain myself really. i still think about you, alot, n you deserve it more than anything else. im sorry im such a dick, i wish i wasnt x"

I think the reason its got to me so much is i dont want to know the reasons why he messed me about when we decided to give it another go. i guess im scared it was because he had another girl on the go etc. thats why i didnt answer his call...i thought the not knowing might be better for me to deal with than knowing the truth.

I want to text back and tell him how much i hate him, the anger i feel for putting me through this...someone that was so loving at the start, someone who i talked about marrying and havng kids with can treat me like some random slag hes picked up and not arsed about, im angry im still bothered by it all after all this time. i want him to know how much hes put me through but i dont want him to know its still affecting me. i feel like i cant say how happy i am with my life because then its like im not still hurting and he might feel better then.

im back at my old job...the place we met and was happy. I see people who knew me when i was with him. i bet they are all thinking awwww poor zoe. i seen the slag he started seeing straight after me today. 1st person i saw unfortunatly. i didnt even look at her....but i seen the girl i was talking to give her a look as if they had been expecting me.

i think im going to say "i dont want to hear it tom, the best thing you could do is to delete my number and never contact me again. im happy in my life when your not in it and i think after a year of shite i deserve a bit of happiness for once"

in reality i dont want to say that...i cant pin point why but i guess i know its because im ultimatly ending it by saying all that to him.

smear test come back last week as abnormal too....which i knew it would. why should i not have anything to worry about. why should i not be the 1 in 20 woman that get an abnormal result...of course its going to be me....its me!!

Dissertation due in this friday. nearly done....masters is nearly over. i get to go to london and see everything for one last time....feel like crying saying that.

sorry for not replying to everyone that replied to my last post. i appreciate your comments and always take everything on board. i went to leeds fest....where we had a months worth of rain in a day....obviouslt because i was there, a heatwave was predicted but no...it rained...as it does no matter where i go. people have even started noticing this and laughing....we said i have my own cartoon rain cloud following me around.

anyway....back to my dissertation....

[gardengnome]

I know it sounds corny, but this is one of those times for sending on the post (edited) to the ex, why waste the energy on texting anything more to him. p.s. send some of that rain to us in the east mids, we are parched..

[Lush__x in reply to gardengnome]

haha believe me if i was there...it would be raining!!

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey Zoe. About two and a half years ago I had a long term relationship that ended. My other half broke it up, I wanted to stay together. She said it was up to me whether we stayed in contact or not. I said that it would be easier for me if we didn't. She promptly burst into tears, said she couldn't bear the thought of us not speaking to each other, and generally pleaded with me until I relented. There followed 18 months of her stringing me along and using me as a shoulder to cry on and a safety net until she met someone else, at which point she suddenly wasn't so bothered about staying friends. I haven't properly got over that relationship until the last 6-12 months because of how she acted.

There are a lot of similarities between what she did and said and how your ex seems to be from what you say. Whatever you do, please please don't let him do that to you, it's horrible and I'd never want to see anyone else go through it. If I were you I just wouldn't reply. If he really was sorry he'd either just respect your decision not to speak to him or he'd find a way to give you back some dignity, he wouldn't send you whiny text messages. He wishes he wasn't a dick? Well stop f***ing acting like one then! It's really quite simple.

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell him how angry you are and make him understand what he put you through. I feel the same about my ex - I'd love to meet up with her just once more, solely to tell her exactly what I think of her. But the thing is, it likely wouldn't sink in. I learned that the hard way through constantly telling my ex I would be happier not speaking to her, and her not accepting that. Like I said, if he really thought he was a dick he'd stop acting like one. I reckon he's just saying what he thinks you want to hear.

How was Leeds? It's way too long since I last went to a full weekend fest - Reading '08. What an awesome one that was though.

[Lush__x in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Hello!

Haha that sounds familiar...he seen his arse when i deleted him off facebook and its always been him wanting to stay in touch with me. even though i told him how hard it would be. i wasnt with him that long (9 months) but its had a massive affect on me. i dont think ill get over it fully until i meet someone else really.

your right im sick of him thinking he can just worm his way back in when it suits him thats why i wrote that message. i bet he wasnt expecting that. bet he thought id eventually give in.

i know it is that simple...i said it to him when we was together just stop being horrible, stop being a dick etc. he treated his long term ex like that as well and she ended it. hes clearly got issues and needs to resolve them....i dont think he will...he will just meet someone who in the end he will stick with and turn her into a nothing of a person like me.

i agree...with these people it will never sink in...i guess thats another reason i feel so annoyed...cos i know nothing i did or could say would make a difference.

leeds was good looking back...like really good. its all a bit pants at the time when u cant sleep and are wet and muddy and i get homesick easy and a bit down etc but then looking back it was amazing and i hope i can go next year.

who was at reading in 08?? i feel ive missed out on seeing some amazing bands from back in the day

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Lush__x]

'08 was Rage Against The Machine, Killers and Metallica headlining. I only went to see RATM of those three...I just get all misty-eyed at the memory of the Manics headlining the second stage. 3rd back from the front and right in the middle, getting squashed and drenched in sweat. Magnificent! Who was on this year?

The trick to festivals is to organise the alcohol flow so that you're never drunk, but never completely sober either...there's an art to it. Strongbow for breakfast is particularly good!

Looking at the posts below...if he thinks that was harsh he should see what I'd have sent if I were you! I thought you were quite restrained...

[Suzie40]

Like the title - I found it kind of eye catching!

That't a real head screw him getting in touch, especially as you've worked so bloody hard to move on. Do you think he's become single again and is sniffing around to see if you are too?

As for the girls thinking things about you at work - let them. It's not poor Zoe, it's lucky Zoe for getting out when you did.

Crack on with your dissertation - the feeling you'll get on Friday will be amazing!

And try not to worry about the old smear test. Mine was so abnormal they probably didn't believe it had come from a human! I had half my cervix removed, then went on to have a completely normal pregnancy and have since had 10 completely normal smears. Don't forget, it's very rare for a smear to show cancer. Most show pre cancerous changes, which are fine if treated x

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

Hey Lucy always nice to hear from you.

haha i just wanted to scream!!!! so i did it in a title instead ...

I dont no if hes been with anyone or not....but when we split up and then he got with that other bird for a month he did start getting in touch again after she had got rid of him. he blagged me with he was just using her and was doing it to try and move on from me.

thats very true...i am lucky, damn i actually wanted to say to him he had done me the biggest favour by finishing it...didnt include that in my message =/

everyone has said today how well im looking and ive lost loads of weight etc...i hope his old work mates see me and report back haha

i was really upset when i found out....depression just washed over me but once it had sunk in ive not thought about it as much. cant do anything about it.

i just dont want to go through all the treatment etc and the worry and the waiting. its not good for someone with depression....was hoping to come of my meds in october which was delayed anyway....now ill be on them for longer!!!

on the plus side ive been sat next to a very attractive lad in my work...he was there when i left but never noticed him in that way. something to look at anyway haha

x

[Suzie40 in reply to Lush__x]

Funnily enough, I was pleasantly surprised by the arrival of two rather yummy looking chaps at work today! Bit of a rarity in a primary school! X

[Suzie40]

Hey you! Any news on the ex front? Is he sending you flowers yet? X

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

Hey hun...funny you should mention him! Ive not long ago received a text off him replying to my one from last night...it goes like this...

"Erm, for starters it was u that jibbed me off this time n 2nd that's just proper harsh Zoe, didn't think ud be that nasty. Yea u maybe r or were happier without me but that's only cz I find it so hard to get my head where it should be or to not think of past stuff, I can't help being slow! X"

To say im annoyed would be an understatment....if he thinks thats nasty then he obvs doesnt no me...I thought what I said was very mild considering what he deserves

x

[Suzie40]

I think you're just being proper harsh about all this Zoe! What's jibbed me off?

I think you've been more than accommodating and a lot more tolerant than I would have been!

How's the dissertation going? X

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

jibbed off is like 'f**ked him off' ...cant think of a better way to put it other than that lol

in regards to that i have no idea when im suppose to have done this! oddball (that means wierdo lol)

Tell me about it...ive writen down what id like to say just to get it out of my system.

Dissertation is so very nearly complete!! im just making some adjustments to my references then im getting it printed and binded tomorrow ready for handing in on friday!!

How are you doing anyway?

x