Wow....ive not been on here for longer than i thought!

[Lush__x]

Where does the time go? i find it odd that time can go so fast when im really not doing much of anything!

It was 5 weeks ago yesterday that me and my ex split up. Not been upset for a while now. I still think about him all the time though and I do miss him loads. Ive not forgot all the horrible things hes done to me .

I deleted him off facbook and he messaged me going mad, saying ive proved to him im the person he thought i was and he was glad about this. I have no idea what that is suppose to mean or what person he thought i was but made me realise he doesnt know me and never did if he thought i could be horrible in any kind of way. Im not a horrible person. I left things at his flat the week before this and he was angry about that and didnt speak to me again until i deleted him off facebook to shout and be hateful. I didnt do these things out of hate or spite, i did them cos i thought it was for the best and couldnt cope. He could never see that from my point of view, its like he wants to hate me.

Not heard from him since, althought strangely he liked a picture of mine on instagram (which is an app on iphones where you post pictures). the picture was of me and my friends drinking champagne before a night out.

This has left my head buzzing with questions. is he liking that picture so i dont forget him and hes making sure of that? or hes being spiteful and liking it to say "i can see what your doing, having a good time are you? you should be upset? nice to know your happy and going out and drinking champagne". Or he maybe happy for me that i am having a good time and hes glad of this. and also maybe saying no hard feelings and hes calmed down from the other week.

i just dont know.

its his birthday soon and i was in 2 minds about whether to send him a card, but unless something happens in the meantime i am going to send him one. Im not spiteful like him and im not going to ignore him just because hes done that to me.

i dont think i can win either way, it wouldnt suprise me if he got annoyed if i did send a card and if i didnt send one. I can still picture what he would say to me. when we was together i used to have to second guess what he was going to say in responce to me saying somthing to him, then adjust accordingly so as not to anger or upset him. i still find myself doing this and arguing with him in my head about possible things that could happen in the future or even things that have happened in the past!!

MADNESS!

anyway i only really wrote this just to say hello to everyone....no idea where all that came from above!! sorry about that, maybe i just needed to get it out of my head where its all be swimming around.

Id love to know how everyone is getting on. hope everyone is okay/getting by/happy

Love me xx

[Hidden]

Hey, you seem to be doing well, I know it's hard though when you slit. He seems to be playing mind games, I'm not an expert but I would ignore them..for whatever reason he seems like an angry guy and you may not do good no matter what you do or say. I think if you possibly can (always difficult for an outsider looking in though as I don't know the big picture) don't have contact with him now..that's if you want it finished....

Well done on how you have coped so far and no matter what you decide it's good to hear from you xxx

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

Hey thank you for your reply

its hard to ignore them but i know what you mean and i do try. Hes always attacking me and i have to defend myself, i hate the thought of him thinking something about me thats not true.

But yes i dont think anything i do or say could of made him happy. I dont no how anyone ever could?!

we dont have contact anyway since he didnt reply to my last message (which is strange as he likes nothing more than to argue about something for days)....possibly a mind game! i said to him when we met up the other month that i dont think we should speak and he begged me not to cut him out of his life. as per only thinking about himself. but then i deleted him off facebook.

thank you and i hope you are doing well

xxx

[Hidden]

*split bloody auto correct drives me mad

[Hidden]

Hi Lush,

Welcome hun, sounds like you had a tough time with your ex. Maybe he picked on you to get rid of you - not cos he didn't want you but didn't feel worthy of you and maybe it's him that needs to come on here and get himself sorted out?

It's so hard to know what someone else is thinking isn't it? I think I would leave him be to sort himself out though and let him be the one to make the first move. I'm not saying don't send him a birthday card but just make it very general and not too sweet wording.

Try not to get too lonely, get out with your mates etc.

Good luck,

Lorraine

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lorraine and thank you for your reply.

That is a good theory actually. we did have conversations where he told me he might push me away etc at the start. Also when we talked about the period of time where he was nasty too me, he said he was like that because he felt i shouldnt be staying with him (due to the way he was treating me) and he felt like it wasnt real so he didnt put any effort in. I suppose that was because i stopped standing up to him.

Oh yes im not going to contact him again, only to send the card, which i will keep very general...like a friend.

im currently spending my last few weeks in london away from all my friends,but then ill be going back home to start my life again.

xx

[Hidden in reply to Lush__x]

Well Lush,

If you're feeling lonely at all please get in touch...by private message if you prefer and well chat some more.

Wishing you good luck and all the very best,

Lorraine

be happy

[Lush__x in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much, that is very kind

[Photogeek]

Hi Lush great to hear from you. I think that your doing great. It gets easier as you put more

distance between you. He does sound angry, and I am sure you dont miss that. If you want to send a card , send one thats low key. If you dont want to send card thats ok too. It seems nothing will please him anyway.

Wishing you well, and keep up the good work on yourself, you have come a long way.

Hugs

Hannah

[Lush__x in reply to Photogeek]

Hi Hannah,

Thank you for your reply and kind words

Yeah I dont miss all the arguing etc, you do start to forget how bad it is the more your not with someone but im sure it wouldnt take long to remember if i was with him.

But yeah i intend to make the birthday card low key and not put anything about "us" in it, just simply wishing him a happy birthday

xx